


Sinner's Prayer

by melissaeverdeen13



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-09-23 00:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17069780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melissaeverdeen13/pseuds/melissaeverdeen13
Summary: There are thousands of ways to make a living, some more unexpected than others. April knows this better than anyone, being that she works as a cam girl to put herself through college. Her alter-ego, xxxCaroline, has accrued an impressive following and her views have never been better.She has three rules:1. No sexual activity with viewers.2. Never show the inside of her actual bedroom.3. Never say ‘I love you.’Anything else is on the table.What happens when she meets Jackson, a new viewer who makes her want to break all of her rules? As she navigates uncharted waters, every relationship in her life will be tested. Will she find a way to make it through?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... I really wasn't supposed to start a new MC, lmao. I couldn't resist this idea, though. HUGE inspiration taken from 'Cam' on Netflix, but the plot will not be going in the same direction. Hope you're along for the ride on this one!

**Welcome to your session, xxxCaroline. Go Live now?**

I get comfortable on my knees and adjust my top - a pink, lacy bralette that I found on clearance at Victoria’s Secret just the other day. I expertly tie my hair into two pigtails and reapply my strawberry lip gloss, making sure my lips look plump and shiny in the monitor where my reflection looks back at me. I flash a trial-run smile and push in my shoulders to create cleavage, then situate the baby pink cheerleader skirt around my thighs. After that, I reach forward and move the mouse to click ‘Yes’, then the countdown begins. 

**You will go Live in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1. xxxCaroline, you are now Live!**

The red light on the camera blinks to life and in response, I do too. I wave and watch myself do the same onscreen, where the numbers are already climbing. “Hi, guys,” I say, using the voice I never use anywhere else. “How is everybody?”

The chat takes up the entire right side of the screen while my live feed takes up the left. I have a computer monitor the size of a TV, so it’s easy for me to read and respond to comments while I’m in the middle of a show. They love it when I interact with them; it brings in a ton of tips. 

**BigBoi12: HORNY**

**FarmerJon: hey sexy**

**Peterpiperpecker: tits or gtfo**

I roll my eyes and pretend to be amused. Over the two years I’ve been doing this, I’ve gotten good at acting. “Be patient, Peter,” I say, caving in my shoulders further while leaning forward. I wink at the camera and blink slow, slipping my pointer finger into my mouth to suck on it while keeping playful eye contact with the lens. “Can’t even say hi?” 

**Kenny69: fuck im so hard already**

**Peterpiperpecker: hi carebear**

“That’s better,” I say, pulling back to sit with my knees spread, skirt falling to either side. I let my shoulders deflate and rest my chin on one closed fist, pretending to pout. “I had such a bad day at school. I got sent to the principal’s office.”

The schoolgirl act is what I do. It’s why people come to my channel; it’s my niche. This specific kink attracts a huge audience and my youthful face is an advantage. I’m only 23, but no one asks or cares. Obviously, I don’t go to a school with a principal, but it doesn’t matter what’s real and what’s fake. That’s something I had to learn. 

**UrDaddy420: uh oh… what’d you do carebear?**

**Bigdick_9: naughty girl deserves a spanking**

I feign surprise as if that wasn’t what I was setting up from the start. “A spanking?” I ask. “It wasn’t my fault. I don’t want to hurt myself. My skin is so soft and delicate. You know that, 9…” 

**Bigdick_9: naughty girls. Get spankings.**

**FarmerJon: it’s time for spankings carebear**

“You guys are so mean to me,” I say coyly, pulling myself up on my hands and knees to turn my ass towards the camera. I lean onto my elbows, on full display, and hear the animated chime of tips rolling in. I turn and look over my shoulder to see:

**Bigdick_9 TIPPED YOU 100 COINS**

**Kenny69 TIPPED YOU 50 COINS**

**Papabear TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

I flip my skirt up so it rests on my lower back and now, my entire ass is exposed. I have a thong underneath, but it doesn’t do much for coverage. It’s not supposed to. “I’ll give my little booty five spankings if you tip five hundred…” I say, shooting a sultry look towards the lens. “I know I deserve it.” 

The chimes follow, just like I knew they would. 

**Peterpiperpecker TIPPED YOU 100 COINS**

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: come on guys only 200 more**

**UrDaddy420: i wanna see that ass turn RED**

**FarmerJon TIPPED YOU 100 COINS**

**FarmerJon: only 100 more COME ON FUCKERS**

**Kenny69: IM OUT OF COINS FUCK**

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 100 COINS**

**Kenny69: FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSS**

**FarmerJon: smack that little ass carebear**

**UrDaddy420: naughty girl, spank yourself**

I arch my back and spread my knees a little, winding my hand back to land moderately hard on my ass. “Ow!” I squeal. 

**Peterpiperpecker: come on that didnt hurt HARDER**

“Peter,” I say playfully, wiggling my hips. “I wish you guys were here to do it for me.” 

**Kenny69: god im about to bust already**

I smack my ass a second time, this time with more force. Then again, making small sounds as I go. “It hurts, you guys,” I say. 

**BigBoi12: YOU WERE NAUGHTY**

**Bigdick_9: fuck look at her ass its so pink**

“Four, five,” I say, hitting my ass as I count. Then, I turn around and cross my arms, pushing my boobs together as I pout towards the camera. “I’m mad at you now. That really hurt.” 

**Papabear: dont worry carebear i’ll kiss it make it better**

“You’re so sweet, Bear,” I say, smiling as I tug on one of my pigtails. “So much nicer than my principal was.” 

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: GET THE PADDLE**

I widen my eyes and blink slowly, taking a slow inhale as I crawl towards the camera. “420,” I say. “You want me to hit my sore little butt with the big, hard paddle?”

**UrDaddy420: YES smack it so fucking hard**

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: ten times**

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 400 COINS**

**FarmerJon TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**Kenny69: fuck yes FUCK YES**

**Peterpiperpecker TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

“Oh my gosh,” I say, swaying my hips as I walk to the trunk where I keep everything. “It’s been so long since I used the paddle.” I come back to the camera after grabbing it and drag my fingers over the surface, breathing deeply so my chest lifts. “It’s so heavy…” I muse. 

**Bigdick_9: smack that pretty little ass. Turn it fucking red**

**Bigdick_9 TIPPED YOU 1000 COINS**

“You’re so good to me, 9,” I say, getting on my hands and knees. I smack myself ten times, playing each one up for effect, and lose track of how many tips I get because of it. By the time I’m done, I’m panting on the floor - rolled onto my back, arms splayed above my head. 

**Kenny69: so. Fucking. Sexy.**

**BigBoi12: if i were there i would fuck you so hard**

“I wish you  _ were _ here, Biggie,” I say, smiling breathlessly.

**Papabear TIPPED YOU 100 COINS**

**Papabear: bra off carebear**

“Only because you asked so nicely,” I say, sitting up to pull it slowly off over my head. “That’s much better, anyway.”

**Peterpiperpecker: TITTTTSSSSSSSSSSS**

“My parents are so unfair,” I say, petulant as I lean against the pink couch behind me. “I’m locked in my room with nothing to eat except for this cucumber. What am I supposed to do with a cucumber?” 

I hold it up, knowing full well what they’ll want me to do with it. They’re predictable, if nothing else. Most men are. I know exactly what they want, how much they’ll give for it, and how fast they’ll move onto something else.

**Kenny69: fuck yourself with it**

**Peterpiperpecker: Kenny youre out of coins stop fucking talking like you make the rules**

**Papabear: we all know carebear makes the rules anyway ;)**

“Thank you, Bear,” I say, dragging the rounded tip of the cucumber over my nipples until they rise from the attention. “I do make the rules around here.” 

**Bigdick_9 TIPPED YOU 1000 COINS**

**Bigdick_9: fuck yourself with it. Deep, hard and slow**

“Oh, my gosh,” I say. “I don’t know if that’s what my parents had in mind for the cucumber, 9…” 

**FarmerJon TIPPED YOU 500 coins**

**FarmerJon: do it carebear**

“Do you guys think it’s safe?” I ask, trailing my finger up and down its length. “I don’t know. I’m really tight… it might not fit inside me…”

**UrDaddy420: dont worry baby. Its safe, we promise :)**

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**BigBoi12: make it fit**

“Biggie,” I say, resting against the fluffy couch while keeping my thighs wide and knees bent. I look at myself in the monitor and don’t recognize a single facet of who I am, which is exactly how I like to keep it. Obviously, xxxCaroline is nothing like my real life personality. She’s a mask. She’s what makes money. She puts a roof over my head, so this is what I do. Fuck myself with cucumbers while horny, lonely men watch and pay me. 

**FarmerJon TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**FarmerJon: take that thong off so we can see your pussy**

“Ask nicely,” I tease, tracing the tip of the cucumber along the crotch of my panties. “I know you know how to ask nicely…” 

**Papabear TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**Papabear: go ahead sweetheart :) please?**

“You should all be a little more like Bear,” I say, lifting my hips to shimmy out of my underwear. “Who wants these?” 

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 400 COINS**

**Peterpiperpecker TIPPED YOU 600 COINS**

**Bigdick_9 TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**FarmerJon TIPPED YOU 400 COINS**

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 2000 COINS**

I gasp theatrically. “Okay, 420, you can have them… if you want them so bad,” I say, twirling the tiny panties around one finger. “Maybe I’ll put something special in the package for you.” 

**Bigdick_9: fuck you man you got her last pair**

**UrDaddy420: sorry youre fucking broke. Not my problem. Keeping crying about it**

“Be nice, boys,” I say, reclining again - this time completely bare under my skirt. I lube the cucumber while keeping my eyes steady, twirling my hand around it in the way I would a penis. Then, I widen my legs a little further and slip the tip between my lips, squirming for effect. “Oh my god,” I whine. “It’s big. Like, really big.” 

**Papabear TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**Papabear: keep going baby doll daddy’s right here**

**UrDaddy420: actually daddy is right here**

“We’ve gone over this before,” I breathe, pushing it in slowly. “You both - oh, my god…” It reaches the halfway point, which is as far as it will go. I get a good grip on the end and bite my lower lip, acutely aware of the thousands of eyes on me as I fuck myself with something from the produce section. “It feels so good,” I say, and it’s not a lie. It does actually feel pretty good, especially in comparison to some other things I’ve done and will inevitably do in the future. It’s thick and long, hitting just the right spot. If I weren’t so desensitized, it would probably feel a lot more wrong than it does. But right now, all that’s on my mind is keeping up my reputation on this website and making money. Well, and the orgasm that it seems I’m about to have. “I’m about to come,” I sigh, making sure they can see everything going on between my legs.

**Kenny69: SAME IM ABOUT TO FUCKING BLOW**

**BigBoi12: keep going baby i wanna see you burst**

“Uh, uh… oh, my god!” I squeal, hips lifting off the carpet in a manner that admittedly I play up. I did have an orgasm, which I’m happy about, but it definitely isn’t as dramatic as I make it seem. It’s not often that I genuinely come when I fuck myself on camera, so I count this as a success. My body is buzzing for a few different reasons, and I make eye contact with the camera as I pull the cucumber out slowly. 

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 400 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: suck on it**

“So dirty,” I say. “That’s  _ so  _ dirty.” 

**Kenny69: do it do it do it**

**FarmerJon TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**FarmerJon: put it in your mouth carebear you know you want to**

**BigBoi12: suck it like a dick**

“Should I pretend it’s your dick?” I ask, blinking lasciviously. “I don’t know if I have enough tips for that.” 

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 1000 COINS**

**BigBoi12: its my dick. Suck it, carebear**

“If you say so,” I giggle, then wrap my lips around it. I taste myself, but it doesn’t bother me. This isn’t new by any means. “Mm, you’re so big. You’re gonna gag me.” 

**FarmerJon: deepthroat it**

**FarmerJon TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

“Oh, my god!” I shriek, laughing. “I can’t handle you guys. Fine, I will.” 

They get off to the sight of me being sexual with a piece of fruit come the end of the session. Once I’m done, my jaw is sore and my body still pulsates from the moderate orgasm I had a bit ago. I shut the main camera off and sit there in the middle of the room for a long moment, exhaling to force the tension out of my shoulders. Interrupting the silence, my phone buzzes from the other side of the room and when I get up to answer it, this flashes across the screen:

**INCOMING VIDEO CALL FROM UrDaddy420. ANSWER?**

I close my eyes and shake my head. “Not tonight,” I mutter to myself, then press the ‘Decline’ button. Then, I shoot him a message through the cam app. 

**xxxCaroline: sorry, 420. I’m rly rly tired. I’m ab to go to sleep :(**

**UrDaddy420: let daddy tuck you in, carebear**

**xxxCaroline: ur sweet :) ill see u tomorrow :)**

I turn the app on Do Not Disturb and toss my phone away, moving to clean up everything I got out. I wrap the cucumber in a plastic bag to throw it away, then throw my outfit in the laundry after walking out of my cam room. Inside of the room is dimly lit with pink lighting; everything is played to my persona. Outside of the room, though, is like any other house. Decorated in a way that fits the real me. Pretty, light neutrals with plenty of photos on the walls, a white couch in the front room and black countertops in the kitchen. By looking at the main part of the house, you’d never guess what the guest bedroom looks like. Not to mention the purpose it serves.

I make dinner and eat it in front of the TV, checking my stats as I do. Tonight, I made almost 13,000 coins - which, after the website takes their share - translates to about $6,000. It isn’t bad, but I can do better. I will do better, but not right now. I’m too tired to think about anything besides a shower and my bed.

The next day, I’m woken by the sound of my sister’s voice and what’s clearly the midday sun shining through my bedroom window. “April?” she calls. “Are you home?” 

“Mmmm…” I groan, trying to catch her attention without forming words as I shove my face into the pillow. 

“Oh, god,” Ariel says, now standing in my doorway. “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be at rehearsal, or… or class, or something?”

“Probably,” I grunt. 

My mattress depresses as she sits on the edge and jostles my shoulders. “Then why are you here?” she asks. 

“Late night,” I murmur. “Tired. Go away.” 

“I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t come here just to turn around and go back.”

I roll over and look at her with squinted, bleary eyes. “What’re you doing, anyway?” I ask. “Shouldn’t you be at school?” 

“School day’s done, dude. I was just gonna hang out here ‘til you got off, but… you’re here. It’s almost 4 and you’re still in bed. What the hell?” 

“I told you,” I say, rolling back over to hug my pillow. “Late night.” 

“How much did you make?” she asks, knowing exactly what I mean. 

“Around 6,” I say. 

“Damn,” she says. “Nice.” 

“Yeah, fucked myself with a cucumber for it,” I say, looking at her over my shoulder. 

“What?” she says, gaping with an incredulous smile. “Stop it. You’re fucking with me.” 

“Nope,” I say. “And they loved it.”

“They’re such sickos!” she laughs. “Oh, my god. I can’t believe you made six thousand dollars in one night. That’s so crazy! Have you ever heard of another job doing that, like…  _ ever _ ?”

“CEOs,” I mutter.

“Yeah, but not like that. You know what I mean. That’s a real job.”

“My job’s a real job,” I say, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t talk like that, Rel. It’s fuckin’ ugly.”

“Sorry,” she says. “I know. It was a mistake. It’s just crazy that you sit in the pink room and flirt with a bunch of old men and you’re like… rich because of it.” 

“Definitely not rich,” I say. 

“Why would anyone wanna do anything else?” she says. “I totally need to get into this.”

“No way,” I say, rolling my eyes. “No fucking  _ way _ .”

“Oh, come on,” she says. “We could be a team.” 

“That’s sick. You have no idea what that means, so I’m gonna need you to stop talking.”

Ariel bursts out laughing and I can’t help but giggle, too. “I don’t mean like  _ that _ !” she exclaims, turning red as she shoves my shoulder. “Although, somebody somewhere is probably into gross incest shit.” 

“Oh, it’s not rare,” I say. “You sweet, naive baby. Guys eat it up. But don’t be sick! Why are we even talking about this?” 

“Because I think it’s cool, what you do,” she says. “I mean, you’re owning your body and your sexuality and making a living from it. And it’s what you wanna do. It’s all your choice. I mean, you control these guys. And they pay you for it. What could be better?” 

“Okay, number one, you make it sound like it’s gonna be my career for the rest of my life. It’s totally not,” I say, lying on my back. “It’s just for right now. Number two-”

“Yeah, but it’s like all you’re doing right now,” she says, cutting me off.

“It is not,” I say. 

“Yeah, you stay up super late doing shows and making money, then sleep ‘til 4. I didn’t say there’s anything wrong with it, but it’s literally all you do.” 

“Seriously, stop,” I say. “No, it’s not. I go to school, that’s the reason why I do the shows. I haven’t had to take out a single loan or ask Mom for money that she couldn’t give me anyway.” 

“You barely even go to class,” Ariel says. “Mom was like: ‘ask Bunny when her next performance is!’ So… when is it?”

Bunny is my nickname that my family calls me. I have no idea how it originated, but I don’t mind it. “I… I don’t know,” I admit. 

“Are you really missing that much class?” she asks.

“I go, Rel,” I say. “I just get super tired from my shows and it bites me in the ass. I just need to figure out a better way to work my schedule. You don’t have to worry about it, though, okay? It’s my business. I’ll work it out. I always do.” 

“I know,” she says. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to start something.”

“It’s fine,” I say, sitting up and finger-combing my hair.

“Mom also wants me to take you back to the house for dinner,” she says. “She told me you probably haven’t eaten a good meal in weeks.”

I snort and my shoulders bounce once. “Well, she’s not wrong,” I say. “Let me get in the shower and we can get out of here.” 

…

“Mom, I brought her,” Ariel calls as we walk in the house.

“I smell meatloaf,” I say, following her in to kick off my shoes. “Mom, I’m home!” 

“I hear my girls!” Mom shouts back. “Come in here. Dinner will be ready in just a sec.” My sister and I walk into the kitchen and Mom smiles when she sees us. “There you are. It’s been too long, Bun.” 

“I know, I’m sorry,” I say, picking a pretzel out of the circular dish on the counter. “I’ve been really busy.” 

“I bet,” she says, putting on oven mitts to grab the meatloaf from the oven. “How are your classes?” 

Ariel shoots me a look, but I ignore her. “Good,” I say, still chewing. 

“Good, that’s all I get?” She nods towards my sister. “Set the table, would you, babe?” She looks back to me. “So vague. I need details. The last I heard, you were auditioning for a show with a name I couldn’t pronounce.” 

“Oh, yeah,” I say, bringing the silverware over to help Ariel. “La Syphide, I think that’s you’re thinking of. No, I didn’t get into that.” 

“Not the role you wanted?” 

“Well, I didn’t… I didn’t get any role,” I say. “But you know, it’s really for the best. ‘Cause I don’t think I was ready for it, anyway. It was a really big show. I… I need to get better first, before I do something like that.”

“Well, I think you’re fantastic already,” Mom says. “No need to get down on yourself.”

“I’m not,” I say.

“She just needs to practice more, probably,” Ariel cuts in.

“And I  _ will _ ,” I say through my teeth.

“Well, I imagine it has to be hard with work and everything,” Mom says, dishing the mashed potatoes. “It can be difficult to juggle those things within a schedule. Sometimes, what you love the most has to take the fall if you wanna make a living.” 

“Exactly,” I say pointedly to my sister.

“How’s work going, by the way?” Mom asks. “I’ve been telling everyone at church how well you’re doing. I’m just so proud of you, baby, I can’t help it. They all wanna get in to see you as soon as possible. They want you to be their sponsor, or whatever it is you call it.” 

“Life coach, mom,” I say, blatantly lying. But it’s not like I can so easily tell her that I perform in front of a camera for men nightly to make all the money I do. So, I had to make something up. 

“Oh, right. Well, could they come see you sometime?” 

“I don’t know, maybe,” I say. “I… there might be something about breeching some line if you already know the person, I don’t know.” 

“Well, look into it,” she says, smiling at me. “I’m just so proud. They are, too.” 

“Thanks, mom,” I mutter, meeting her eyes for only a second before directing them back down at my plate. 

I eventually reroute the conversation and we talk about how Ariel is doing in school instead; being that it’s her last year and she’s in the Honor Society, there’s a lot to discuss. As we’re cleaning up, my phone starts vibrating with messages - and I know the vibration pattern well. It’s from the app, and I need to check it. Some of the guys message me privately, and there’s always a chance to get tips by interacting with them - using barely any energy on my part. It’s always worth it. 

“I should probably get going soon…” I say, one hand flat on my pocket. 

“No, you’re not going anywhere,” Mom says. “We have to watch The Voice! It’s the finale tonight.” 

“Will you please just stay?” Ariel asks. “You never just freaking stay in one place anymore. You’re always running off somewhere.” 

I make a small sound and my mom turns to make eye contact. “She’s right,” she says. “Sit down and relax. I’ll make tea with sugar, just the way you like. It’ll be nice. We can have a girls night.” 

“Dad just texted me,” Ariel says, looking up from her phone. “Says he’s watching the finale too, in like… Boise, or wherever.”

Our dad drives a semi truck all over the United States and has for my whole life. I saw him on the weekends as a kid, which means that my mom did the majority of the work in raising us. I love him to death, he’s my dad, but our bond is different than mine and my mom’s. I see him even more infrequently now than I did as a little girl.

“Alright, I’ll stay,” I say, flopping down on the couch in the corner I’ve always sat in. 

“Jeez, don’t make it sound like a chore,” Ariel snipes, getting comfortable close to me. 

I open my phone and keep it close so she can’t see the screen, swiping through my notifications to see that I have a new message thread waiting on the CamGirl app. 

**BigBoi12 SENT YOU A MESSAGE!**

**BigBoi12: hey sexy you around?**

**BigBoi12: im bored as hell at work and would love to video chat…**

I look to either side as my mom comes into the living room with the tea she promised and smile to thank her. Once she sits down, I bring the phone close to my face again and type a response while trying to seem inconspicuous.

**xxxCaroline: can’t videochat biggie sorry :( im having girl time**

**BigBoi12: oooooh but girl time sounds like the perfect opportunity to chat… why dont you show me whats going on?**

**xxxCaroline: i cant ;) i’ll send you a few pics though :)**

**BigBoi12: you always know how to make me feel better**

With a small smirk on my face, I flip through the camera roll until I find a few sexy pictures that look like they could’ve been taken today. I always make sure to have an arsenal just in case a situation like this arises where I can’t take them on the spot. The guys don’t know the difference. I send him one of me in a black bra blowing a kiss at the camera, pouty lips coated in lip gloss, and then another where I’m turned around and looking over my shoulder, my ass cheeks visible under my short skirt. 

**xxxCaroline: hope they make your night go faster ;)**

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**BigBoi12: we could have a little fun if you want… are you not wearing panties under that skirt you naughty girl?**

**xxxCaroline: i cant stay. Ill have to leave it up to ur imagination :) night Biggie**

Just as I’m about to click my phone’s screen off, a new message comes up and makes it vibrate again, which catches the attention of my mother. “Who are you texting?” she asks. “You haven’t looked up from your phone once. Aren’t we supposed to be watching this show together?” 

“Yeah, who are you texting?” Ariel jabs, then snatches the phone where it’s still open to my camera roll. 

“Hey, give it back!” I growl, practically attacking her to retrieve it. Once it’s back in my hands, I shoot her a nasty look and say, “You bitch, don’t take my stuff.”

“April!” Mom scolds. “Don’t use that type of language in this house, you know better. It is not okay to call your sister names. It was a joke. What has gotten into you?” 

“Nothing,” I say. 

“Who are you talking to that you don’t want us to know about?” she asks, hitting it right on the head. “You’re always so secretive about that phone.”

“It’s nothing, mom,” I groan, eyes widening. “I’m talking to clients from my job and there’s this whole confidentiality thing. If you guys saw, I don’t know. I could get in a lot of trouble.”

“I don’t know why you couldn’t have just said that,” she says, giving me a strange look. “You’re acting odd. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” I say. “I think I’m gonna go, though.” 

“Wait, Bunny, come on,” Ariel says. “It was a fricken joke!” 

“It’s not that,” I say, getting up from the couch. “I’m just tired. Wanna get home.” 

“Yeah, sure. Tired,” Ariel mutters. 

“Thanks for dinner, mom,” I say, forcing a smile. “Let me know who wins.” 

“Dad was gonna call after,” my sister says. 

“Tell him I say hi,” I say, waving. “See you guys.” 

I sit in my car for a long moment, leaned forward with my forehead on the steering wheel. I take long, cleansing breaths. That isn’t the first time I’ve had a close call like that with my mom around, and Ariel wasn’t helping. She loves to push my buttons and annoy me in ways only she knows how - that’s how sisters work - but sometimes I can’t stand it. I needed to get out of there, and now I need to get home. 

When I walk through the door, I get a notification. 

**INCOMING VIDEO CALL FROM UrDaddy420. ANSWER?**

I hurry to take off my shoes and get to the bathroom so the rest of my house isn’t visible. Once I get the right lighting, I press the green ‘Accept’ button and smile into the camera - now turned onto my xxxCaroline persona. “Hi, 420,” I say smoothly. “You caught me just when I was about to take a bath.” 

“Oh, perfect,” he says, and though the lighting is low I can still make out his shape in the dark. He’s an older man, someone I wouldn’t look twice at on the street. Nothing about him is attractive whatsoever, but he’s one of my best tippers. We have a strange, working relationship that I couldn’t explain if I tried. “Mind if I join you?” 

“I’d love that,” I say, setting my phone up after turning on the faucet and stripping my shirt over my head. “Oops,” I say. “I forgot to put on a bra today.” 

The truth is, I’m not well-endowed and I don’t need much of one in the first place, especially when I’m not going anywhere important. But it’s a detail that I always play up because for some reason, they like it. “That’s alright,” he says. “I don’t think you should ever wear one, baby. Unless it’s the pink one you mailed to me.” 

“That was my favorite one, you know that,” I say, smiling. 

“I know,” he says. “I keep it in the nightstand right by my bed. It’s almost like you’re here with me.” 

“That’s so sweet of you,” I say. “I’m getting in the bath now. Oh my gosh, the water is so hot!” I step in one foot at a time and bring the phone with me, sinking under the water so the bubbles reach my chin. “It feels so good.”

I see the movement of his arm which lets me know what he’s doing. A sense of satisfaction rises in my chest, but I don’t let it show. Instead, I stay naive and doe-eyed, which is the way he loves to have me. “You look so perfect,” he grunts. 

“Look at all the bubbles,” I say, sitting up to put my breasts on display. “Look! They’re all over my little boobs.” I set the phone on the soap holder so it faces me and blow him a sudsy kiss, giggling afterwards with my hands near my mouth. “It’s so relaxing,” I say, laying back while keeping my eyes on the camera. “Don’t you wish you were here with me?”

“Oh god, you don’t know how bad,” he says. “Are you touching yourself too, Carebear?” 

“Uh-huh,” I lie, slipping one hand under the water. It only rests on my thigh though. I’m the exact opposite of horny, watching him do this. So, I close my eyes and move my arm in the way he expects, then listen to him grunt as he finishes. “Did that feel good?” I ask. 

“So good, Jesus Christ,” he says. “I love you, baby. God, you’re the best.”

“Mm-hmm,” I say, picking up the phone again with sudsy hands. 

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

“Thanks, 420,” I say. “You’re so good to me.” As I’m looking at the screen and the delirious look on his face, an incoming call tries to come in from one of my friends who’s also in the business. “Oh, I gotta go,” I say sweetly. “It’s my bedtime. I’ll see you soon, though, okay? I’m going live tomorrow night. You better be there.” 

“You know I never miss your shows,” he says. “Sleep tight, Carebear.”

I hang up and answer Jade’s call, my voice switching to its regular timbre instead of high and feathery. “Hey,” I say, leaning back against the tub and bending my knees. “What’s up?” 

“Not much,” she says. “Just chilling. Long day.” 

“I saw you were live for a while,” I say. 

“Yeah,” she says. “Eh. Wasn’t great. Could’ve done better. How did yours go last night?” 

“Pretty amazing, actually,” I say. “I had a ton of hits. If I would’ve known a cucumber made so much money, I would’ve done it way sooner.” 

She laughs and says, “God, they’re desperate.” 

“I know,” I say. “I just got off a call with one of my regulars. He got off in like, twenty seconds. He saw like, an inch of my tits and they’re covered in soap. All I had to do was sit here.” 

“Best part of the job,” Jade says. “Honestly.” 

“They’re so sad,” I snort. “I know that’s bad to say, but…”

“They are,” she says. “No, like, they really are.” 

“At least they put a roof over my head,” I say, shrugging. “I’m sorry your show wasn’t what you wanted. I’m sure it was better than you thought, though.” 

“I feel like they’re getting bored with me,” she admits. “I don’t know.”

“Well, let’s do a joint show soon, then,” I say. “You know they love it when we do that.” 

“Sure,” she says. “That sounds good.” 

“But you know my rules,” I say. “You-” 

“We’re not gonna have sex, yes, I know,” she says. “Believe me, Chastity Belt, I know. We’ll just do some kissing and heavy petting. Everyone will bust.” 

“Hot,” I say, chuckling. I glance at the clock then let out a long sigh, sinking further into the water. “I should go,” I say. “I have class tomorrow and I haven’t practiced at all. I’m gonna suck balls and I should at least have a good night’s sleep beforehand.” 

“Hey, if you’re gonna suck balls you should at least get paid,” Jade says. 

“You’re so hilarious,” I say, rolling my eyes lightly. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Figure out when we’re gonna do our show.” 

“Sounds good,” she says. “Night, Caroline.” 

I hang up and get out of the bath, falling into bed in nothing but a thin robe. I don’t bother changing into pajamas and know I’ll wake up nude in the morning, but I don’t mind. I’m nervous about rejoining my class after what seems like forever being away. It’s only been a week, but that’s too long for a dancer. I know I’m falling behind, but there’s not much to be done about it. I need to keep up with my cam shows if I want to stay relevant and continue making money. There’s no way around this; at least, no way I can see. 

I don’t even remember falling asleep, but I wake long before my alarm. It was set for 9am, but I’m wide awake at 7 and at 7:45, there’s nothing left for me to do after getting ready, so I tell myself that I might as well make some money while I wait for my day to start. 

I go into the pink room and set it up the way I want. I don’t plan on doing a long session, maybe just a little teasing to see what I can get out of it. Because of that, I don’t put much thought into what I’m going to say or do. I’ll just let it come naturally after seeing who’s online. 

**Welcome to your session, xxxCaroline. Go Live now?** I click the ‘Yes’ button as always, then read:  **You will go Live in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1. xxxCaroline, you are now Live!**

All I’m wearing is the same robe I fell asleep in last night, my hair tied in a loose bun. “Hi, boys,” I say. “I’m getting ready for school and I just wanted to wish everybody a good day. I’m gonna try much harder to be good today.” 

**BigBoi12: dont worry about being good sweetheart, we’ll be here when youre not ;)**

“I know you will, Biggie,” I say, giggling breathily. “Who else is here?” I look at the side of the screen and try to quickly read the list of names as more and more flow in, but it’s hard to keep up. “Wow, so many of you are up early,” I say. 

**FarmerJon: just waiting for you carebear**

“So sweet,” I say, inching the robe off of my shoulders subtly. I continue to talk and it sneaks lower and lower down my arms until the fabric is barely covering my chest. I sit up on my knees and duck my chin, looking slyly at the camera, hoping they’ll catch on. 

**TallDarkHandsome: why dont you take that all the way off?**

“Who’s this?” I ask, leaning forward so as much cleavage as possible shows. “I don’t think I recognize you, Handsome. Are you new?” 

**TallDarkHandsome: you could say that.**

**UrDaddy420: get outta here newbie**

**Kenny69: hes right take it off take it off**

**TallDarkHandsome: i’d really like it if you took it off. Would you?**

“You’re so polite,” I say. “But…” 

**Peterpiperpecker: you obviously dont know how it works around here**

**Peterpiperpecker TIPPED YOU 100 COINS**

**Peterpiperpecker: take it tf off carebear**

“So demanding,” I say, pushing my hair behind my shoulders. “I don’t know if I want to anymore.” 

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 2500 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome: Please.**

I try not to let my shock show on my face. For an unplanned show like this, I never expect big tips. Change, mostly. That was something I definitely didn’t see coming. “Because you asked so nicely,” I say, playing along while trying to keep my heart rate down. I have no clue who this guy is, but I might want to find out. 

I slip the robe off of my shoulders and I’m completely naked underneath. I push it out of the frame and place my hands on my thighs, pressing my breasts together as I blink demurely at the camera. “Is this what you wanted?” I ask. 

**Kenny69: fuckkkkkkkk yesssssssssssss**

**UrDaddy420: dumb fuck. Used all his coins**

**TallDarkHandsome: I didn’t; not that it’s your business.**

**BigBoi12: are you that desperate bro**

“Guys, stop it,” I say. “I have to go soon, anyway. My parents are calling me from downstairs. If they found me like this I’d be in big, big trouble.” 

**BigBoi12: youre such a good girl**

“I try,” I say, voice saccharine as I turn my head to the door as if I heard something on the other side. “I have to go,” I say. “I’ll see you guys later. Tonight, maybe.” I give a wave towards the camera before I shut it off, then pull my robe back on. I feel good and a little excited - though I’m not sure why. 

Just as I’m standing up to leave, my phone chimes with a familiar sound. 

**INCOMING VIDEO CALL FROM TallDarkHandsome. ANSWER?**

My stomach twists as I realize that it’s the new follower. It’s stupid, getting nervous over it, but it’s easy to grow used to the usernames and occasional faces I so often see. The fact that he’s already so brazen as to video chat me sends chills up my spine, though they very well could be unfounded. Over half the guys who watch me are in their 60s without anywhere else to put their money or their dicks. Just because his username is a little better than average doesn’t mean he’s any different. 

I take a deep breath and press ‘Yes,’ watching his side of the screen come to life. As the pixels gather into something clear, I come to see that he isn’t at all what I expected, but everything I hoped for. Instead of old and hairy, he’s my age and extremely well-kept. His eyes are a piercing aqua, and he’s got the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. I have no idea what a guy like this is doing on CamGirl, but I don’t ask. “Hi,” I say sweetly, trying to keep up the persona while all these feelings run through me. “Thank you for the tip. It was so generous of you, Handsome.”

The corner of his lips pull up in a smile, one that makes my heart speed up as it sends heat to my core. When he speaks, his voice is like silk and I momentarily forget both of my names - real and fake. “You’re welcome,” he says. “You deserved it.” 


	2. Chapter 2

I video chat with a handful of guys that watch me. It’s a feature I’ve made public because the personal aspect makes a good amount of side cash, which is something I’ll never turn down. When they call me, I know what to expect. They want one-on-one action, for me to talk them through their jerk-off sessions, or to see me do something that’s ‘just for them.’ In reality, nothing is ever just for one viewer. I do the same things with all of them, they just don’t know it. Their faces all run together in my mind, anyway; but as much can’t be said for TallDarkHandsome, who’s looking at me with a smolder in his eyes.

I can’t help but wonder what in the world he’s doing on CamGirl. His physique lives entirely up to the username; in fact, the username might not do his looks justice. It appears he could have any girl he wanted; I wouldn’t be surprised if they all fall at his feet. Guys like that don’t frequent websites like the one I work for. The guys I interact with are either old and lonely, or gamers who live in their mothers’ basements. The coins they pay me with probably come from her pocket. 

TallDarkHandsome isn’t like that, though, at least from what I can see. He’s wearing a collared shirt and his facial hair is trimmed and kept. His eyes are piercing and his lips are beautiful - every feature on his face is striking. It’s hard to keep my composure as I study him, but I somehow manage to. I’ve been performing as xxxCaroline for too many years to let myself slip, even for someone this attractive.

“Well, thank you again,” I say, using a voice higher than my usual one. “I hope I’ll get to see you around more often.”

He gives me a once-over, a slow one. His eyes rove over what I’ve let the camera see, which is my face and the open plane of my chest, stopping right at the swell of my breasts. If he asked me for a private show right now, I’d give him one. No hesitation. I don’t think he will, though. “You will,” he says. 

“You have some competition,” I say teasingly.

“The other men in the chat?” he asks, eyebrows raised. “I’m not worried about them.”

“You’re not anything like them,” I say smoothly, setting my phone on its holster so my hands are free. Subtly, I loosen my robe and lean forward and it’s clear he notices. His eyes dart to my chest where the outline of my breasts has become apparent, and he licks his lips slowly. “Are you?”

He shakes his head. “No, I’m not,” he says. 

“What are you like, then?” I ask, pushing my hair behind one shoulder. “Tell me about yourself. What brings you here?” 

It’s not a common question that I ask. I don’t care to know much about the guys’ backgrounds because I can usually guess for myself. But with him, it’s different. “Happenstance,” he says. 

I giggle a little, my voice light and airy. “I’m sure your girlfriend isn’t too thrilled,” I purr, leading him to more information that I won’t ask outrightly.

“No girlfriend,” he says. “I’m single. But I was about to say the same thing for your boyfriend - how does he feel about you making a living from these shows?”

I want to tell him that I don’t have a boyfriend, but it would break the unspoken rule that I keep not to give away any personal information. That breeches a barrier I’m not willing to cross with these guys, no matter how attractive. Right now, I’m only seeing the surface of who he is and I know better than to fall for that. “Talking about myself is so boring,” I say playfully. 

“What should we talk about then?” he prompts, smirking slightly.

“I don’t know,” I reply. “I have a show later tonight. Will you be there?”

“I’ve got your notifications turned on,” he says. “I won’t miss it.” 

“Good,” I say. “I don’t think I’d have half as much fun if you weren’t there.”

“We can’t have that,” he says. “You have to have fun.”

“Of course,” I say, batting my eyelashes. “Hopefully I’ll get to feel really, really good tonight.”

“We can only hope,” he says, eyes flashing. “What would you say if I asked you to cover yourself in oil during the show?” His gaze burns into mine and makes my heart speed up tenfold. “Then touch yourself.”

“Oh, Handsome,” I say, and my breathless tone isn’t part of the act. I can feel my skin heat up with his request, just by him mentioning it. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like tonight. “I can definitely do that for you.”

 **TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**  

“As a deposit,” he says, keeping steady eye contact. “I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight, Caroline.”

“You, too,” I say, then blow him a slow kiss. “Thanks for the tip.”

 I hang up the phone and press both hands to my chest, letting out a loud breath as I do. I cannot believe that just happened. I can’t believe he looks like that, talks like that, and is attracted to _me_. Something like this has never happened before, and I barely know how to react. I hope I don’t make a fool of myself during the show later, getting all caught up in the memory of how he looked at me through the lens.

After losing myself in my thoughts for much too long, I look at the clock to see that even if I leave now, I’ll be late for technique class. “Shit!” I say aloud, disrobing quickly as I head into my real bedroom to find something to wear. “Shit, shit, shit.” I eventually throw together an outfit with sweatpants and cardigan over my leotard, the top half which will stay on once I get to class. I drive above the speed limit on the way to campus, sweating by the time I walk through the doors, and when I burst into the studio everyone is already lined up at the barre. “Sorry!” I shrill, dumping my bag with everyone else’s and shucking my sweatpants off.

There’s a strange silence in the room as my back faces the class. I slip my feet into my practice slippers and retie my cardigan, then turn around to see my teacher’s stern face. “Nice of you to finally join us, Miss Kepner,” she says. “Fix your hair or get out.” 

I glance in the mirror to see that I embarrassingly left in the two pigtails I’d done this morning for the show. “Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, quickly pulling them out before winding my hair into a tight ballet bun. I get up and find my place, keeping my eyes on the floor as I plie with my classmates.

 “You’ve been made aware of the attendance policy,” she says. “Two more missed classes, excused or not, you will be dropped from my program.”

“I know, Miss Herman. I’m sorry,” I say.

“Sorry won’t get you a place in the spring showcase,” she says haughtily. “Fix your knees. You’re out of practice. You stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Sorry,” I murmur again.

Even though a week doesn’t seem long to most, it’s too long to spend without practicing ballet. She’s right; I am rusty. My muscles are sore and they don’t cooperate in the way they would if I were dancing every day. Miss Herman notices, the rest of my class notices, and of course I notice. I feel all of their eyes on me, judging me for not being here and judging my body for showing it. I wish I could sink into the floor and disappear. I couldn’t be more embarrassed if I tried.

We go through class as usual and I do my best to keep up. Things get easier as time passes and my muscle memory remembers what it’s supposed to do - by the time we get to ronds de jambes, I’m keeping up with everyone else. Dancing is my strong suit; it comes naturally. But that doesn’t mean I can stop practicing. I’ll fall behind if I do that, as it’s already begun to happen.

When class is over, I’m tired and sweaty as I gather my things. My teacher brushes past me as if I don’t exist at all - I knew she would. When a student does something she doesn’t approve of, she ceases to acknowledge their existence. Until I prove myself again - as I’ve done over and over - she won’t speak to me. It’s disheartening, to say the least. But my good friend, Lexie, comes up as I’m putting my sweatpants back on and places a hand in the middle of my shoulder blades, saying, “You weren’t as bad as you think.”

I look up at her with a shrug. “I pretty much was,” I say, zipping my ballet bag.

“You really weren’t,” she says. “Your feet are still the best in the class. Herman’s just too proud to say it.” 

“Well, thanks,” I say, hoisting the bag onto my shoulder and matching her stride as we walk out of the studio.

 “Yeah. Where’ve you been, anyway? It’s been a whole week.”

“Yeah… I know,” I say, then clear my throat. “First I was sick, then I was helping my mom move. It was just bad timing.”

“You can get those excused, you know. Herman can say whatever she wants, but she can’t really kick you out for excused absences. That’s the Dean of Students’ business.”

“Oh no, it’s okay,” I say, waving her off. “I don’t think I’m gonna miss again. Thanks, though.”

“Just saying. Don’t let her scare you.”

“Don’t let literally the scariest woman in the world scare me?” I laugh. “Okay.”

 Lexie giggles, too. “Okay, true,” she says. “But still. You’re better than she gives you credit for. That’s why she’s so hard on you, dude. You know that, right?”

I sigh and say, “Sure.” 

“No, don’t ‘sure’ me!” she says, smacking me. “It’s true. Believe me. Believe me, or I’ll break your foot so I can be the one with the best toes in class.” 

“Bitch,” I say, smiling as I shove her with my shoulder. I check my phone to see that I have a message from my sister asking to meet for lunch. She gets to eat off-campus for an hour, which lines up perfectly with my class schedule. “Oh, that’s my sister,” I tell Lexie. “I’ll see you Thursday.”

“You better,” she says, pointing at me as I start to walk in the other direction. “You better!”

“I’ll be there, I promise!” I call over the heads of people who found their way between us. “See you!” I text Ariel back telling her to meet me at Panera Bread, and I make it there before she does to snag us a table. I see her walk in with her huge backpack on, hair in a high ponytail with a blue ribbon tied in it. She has her cheer uniform on, too. “Hey, Bring It On!” I call, and her head snaps up from her phone immediately. “Grab me my usual. I’ll Venmo you. I don’t feel like getting up.” 

“Lazy ass,” she says, smiling while rolling her eyes. She orders food for us and comes back with a buzzer so the waiter knows where to bring it. “Did your legs break, or something?” 

“Might as well,” I say, massaging my thighs. 

“Oh, you went to class today,” she says. “Well, finally. Did Herman beat your ass?” 

“She wishes,” I say. “I still have the best feet out of anyone in there.” 

Ariel clicks her tongue and takes a sip of water, rolling her eyes yet again. “You won’t when you miss another class and Herman chops them off,” she says.

“Shut up,” I retort, kicking her shin under the table. “I’m not gonna miss any more class."

“Yeah, sure,” she says sarcastically. “Sounds legit.”

“Seriously, shut the fuck up,” I say, shaking my head. “Mom was right when she said that you don’t know how hard it is to juggle everything I do.” 

“Yeah, your ‘life coaching business,’” she says, making air quotes with her hands. “I can’t believe Mom still believes you.” 

“Whatever, what I do is still a job,” I say, narrowing my eyes. “It’s not easy. Once you get to be where I am, you’ll get it.”

“Stripping in front of a big ass TV for horny old men?” she quips.

 “Fuck you,” I say, then put on a smile for the waiter that brings our food. After they leave, I say it again. “Fuck you.”

“I’m kidding, chill,” she says. “You won’t let me do what you do, anyway.”

“Yeah, and you know why. So, we’re not gonna talk about it again.” 

“Whatever,” she says, taking a bite out of her baguette. “Why did you leave the house in such a hurry last night? Was it the job?”

I take a sip of my pop and set it off to the side. “Uh, yeah,” I say. 

“What?”

I shrug. “I knew I was gonna get an opportunity to make money, so I took it.”

Her eyes widen and her jaw drops open. “Oh! Oh, oh, like FaceTiming with one of the guys?” she asks. 

“Don’t sound so excited,” I say, cringing. “It’s not like it’s fun for me. It’s just money, and it goes fast. So, I do it.” 

“What’d he make you do?” she says. 

“They don’t _make_ me do anything,” I say. “He just watched me in the tub and jerked off. That was it.”

“Did you jerk off, too?”

 “No!” I say, swatting her. “I pretended to. I never get off on single calls, that’d be so weird.”

 “And they honestly don’t know the difference?" 

“No,” I say. “Can we stop talking about this? I’m trying to eat.”

“Aw, you don’t wanna think about old man jizz in your broccoli cheddar soup?”

I lean across the table and punch her in the shoulder, which makes her cackle out loud. “You are so fucking gross!” I hiss, unable to stop smiling as I smack her again. “I hate you.”

 She throws her head back and tries to catch her breath, both hands on her stomach. “Come on,” she says, stabbing her salad once she regains composure. “You’re telling me that you’ve never had a call with a hot guy? Like, not even a little bit hot?”

Suddenly, TallDarkHandsome’s face comes careening into my mind. Those crystalline eyes, that dark hair, those freckles. His strong jaw, beautiful lips and thick eyebrows. “Well…” I trail off, teasing her.

“What?” I shrug and drag it out. “April, what!” she presses.

“This morning…” I say, my voice high and lilting. “Might’ve gotten a new viewer. Might’ve video chatted with him… and his name might be TallDarkHandsome… and he might really, really live up to it.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Nope,” I say, popping the ‘p’ sound.

“Wait, back up,” she says. “Tell me everything.”

I laugh and take a spoonful of soup. “It wasn’t much,” I say. “I mean… it kinda was. But not really. I just signed on before class for a few minutes, took off my robe, no big deal. And I didn’t recognize his username or whatever. He was super polite. Like, still authoritative, but polite about it.”

“Oh my god, like Christian Grey!” 

“Ew, no,” I say, raising my upper lip. “Better than that. And he called me afterwards and like, wanted to talk kind of… and he requested something for tonight’s show. And he paid me.” 

“Paid you!” Ariel exclaims. “For what?”

 “For agreeing to rub oil all over myself, duh,” I say, smirking.

“Holy shit,” she says. “Holy shit. Tell me how hot he was.”

 “Super hot,” I say. “Like… hotter than you’re even imagining.” 

“Take a screenshot next time he calls,” she says, eyes still wide. “Please, Bunny. I have to see him!” 

“No way, crazy,” I say. “That would be a violation of his privacy.” 

“It’s just your _sister_ , come on,” she says.

“No,” I say, sticking to my guns.

“Ugh, fine,” she sighs, taking a bite. “So, that’s what you’re gonna do after this? Go home and rub vegetable oil on your tits?” 

“Olive oil,” I say, like it’s obvious. “Better for the skin. And no, not right away. I have one more class, then I’m going out to dinner with one of the guys. Then home for my show.”

“Oh god,” Ariel says. “Who? And where?”

“420,” I say. “He’s paying me a ton. And I don’t know, he’s picking. He’ll message me before it’s time to go.”

She makes a face as she chews her sandwich. “Isn’t it weird?” she says. 

“Isn’t what weird?”

“Like, sitting across from some old dude knowing how bad he wants to bone you.”

I snort. “I don’t think of it like that,” I say. “I think of it as making money. Also, you know my rules.”

“You never have sex, never tell them you love them, never bring them home, yeah,” she says.

“So,” I say, shrugging. “I have no reason to worry.”

“I’d still feel weird.”

“Then I guess you aren’t cut out for my job after all,” I say, leaning back and pretending to inspect my nails. 

Ariel laughs and screws her lips up. “Fine, you got me,” she says. “Just eat your freaking food.” 

“What are you gonna do if I don’t?” I say. “Pom-pom me to death?”

“I hate you,” she says, a sparkle in her eye. “I swear I do.”

…

After going to my dance history class, I get a message from UrDaddy420 telling me when and where to meet him. It doesn’t give me enough time to stop home and shower, so I can only hope that I don’t look too bedraggled from ballet earlier.

I have a change of clothes in my trunk, so I make sure to get to the restaurant before he does so I can change. In the mirror, I take my hair out of the bun and tie it half back, away from my face. The more of my face that shows, the younger I look - and that’s what I’m going for. I take off my normal makeup and put on a subtler version of what I do for the show - shiny, plump lips, pink cheeks, and mascara to make my eyelashes long and curly. For my outfit, I have a short pink dress with a silk finish, so it glides over my skin just the way I want it to. I finish out my look with white sandals and white socks to keep up the whole virginal image that my viewers love so much. By the time I come out of the bathroom, I look like an entirely new person.

I wait by the door until I see him get out of his car. Then, I stand up and clasp my hands at my waist, paint a huge smile on my face, and give him a demure little wave once the door comes open. “Caroline,” he says, going in for a hug. I let him, but it only lasts for a short moment.

“Hi, Buddy,” I say, and I only use his name in circumstances like this. Online, he’s UrDaddy420 or 420. Never Buddy, his real name. But out in the open, it would be strange to call him anything else. “So good to see you.”

“You look fantastic,” he says, touching the fabric of my dress. “I love this little number on you. Mmm, just love it.” 

“Thank you,” I say. “I like it too, but it’s so short!”

“Even better,” he says, eyeing me. I giggle and he follows up with, “Should we sit?”

We find a booth and he sits on the same side as I do, which I expected. Buddy never crosses the line, but he likes to share personal space whenever we meet. If I gave the slightest clue that I wanted something more than a hand-hold with him, he would probably jump me in the bathroom. I don’t, though. I know how to keep things under control; I’ve gotten good at it by now. “So,” I say, using the sugar-sweet tone I’ve perfected. “What were you up to today?”

“Thinking about you,” he says, watching my lips. I lick them just to torture him and watch as he takes a sharp inhale. “Thought about you all day, Carebear.”

“I don’t know how you got so sweet,” I say, caressing his hairy knuckles with my thumb.

“Only for you,” he says. 

“Is it really only for me?” I ask, eyes wide.

“Oh, of course,” he replies.

“You promise?” I say. “You promise you don’t talk to any other cam girls like this, Buddy? You belong to me, right?” 

His face flushes with arousal and I know exactly what I’m doing. He loves that ownership; it gets him off. “Only you,” he says, adjusting the way he’s sitting.

“Good,” I say, tipping my head. “Because that makes me so happy.”

“Anything for you, baby,” he says. “Anything.”

I only order a salad because I didn’t eat that long ago, but Buddy orders steak and potatoes. He watches me eat and offers me forkfuls, which I take while wrapping my lips slowly around the tines of his fork. “Yummy,” I say, chewing while covering my mouth with one hand.

He moves my wrist down. “Don’t cover that pretty little mouth,” he says. “I could watch you eat all day long.”

“Stop,” I say, bringing my shoulder to my ear. “You say the silliest things, Buddy.”

“You make me feel the silliest things, Carebear,” he says, then places a hand on my thigh. 

“Oopsie,” I say, inching away from his hand as I ‘accidentally’ dropped something on the floor. “I’m so clumsy. I drop things all the time!” 

The look on his face tells me he noticed the subtle brush-off, but he doesn’t call attention to it. “You’re fine, sweetheart,” he says, taking another bite.

He stays close throughout the meal - our shoulders touching the whole way through. “I’m going live tonight,” I say once the bill comes and he puts his card in to pay for both of us.

“I know, baby,” he says. “You don’t have to tell me that.” He turns to look at me, something in his eyes having darkened. “I was actually hoping you could do something for me. Just a little something for Buddy.”

I smile cutely. “Okay,” I peep. “What is it?”

He gets closer to whisper right in my ear, and I resist the urge to recoil away. “On camera tonight, I want you to rub your clit and edge yourself for ten minutes. No coming. If you come, I’ll cut your clit off and you’ll never come again.” As he speaks, my eyebrows furrow but when he pulls away, I paint on a neutral expression. “Can you do that for Buddy?” he asks, voice slippery.

I force yet another smile. “I can do anything,” I say. “With incentive, at least.”

“There’ll be plenty once you go live,” he says. “I promise.”

“So generous,” I say, crossing my legs so they sheath over one another. “And so creative.”

“You’ve been on my mind, I can’t help it,” he says, eyes roving from mine to rest on my chest that I’ve been putting on display. “And you’re just so goddamn beautiful.”

“Oh my gosh, you flatter me,” I say, turning away. “You always know how to make me blush.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he says. “In more ways than one.”

…

When I get home, I jump in the shower right away. I scrub off everything from the day and stand in front of my cam closet in a towel, trying to choose what costume I should use for the show. I go live in an hour so I have plenty of time to get dressed, put on a fresh face of makeup, and dry my hair.

 I haven’t stopped thinking about Buddy’s creepy request, and I haven’t decided whether or not I’m going to follow through with it or not. I come to the conclusion that I’ll just go along with however I feel in the moment, but I’ll most likely do it. Buddy never offers money without coming through with something higher than I’m expecting.

 Shaking my head to clear it, I find my smallest bikini because tonight’s theme is beach-related. I don’t usually stress for creativity, because the guys stop caring about the theme about two minutes into the show. I care more than anyone else does, which is the reason why I have about twenty bikinis in different styles and colors. Tonight, I choose a white triangle one with bottoms so low they might as well not be there, tied with strings on my hips and around my back. I put on a light face, lip gloss as usual, and tie my hair in its classic pigtail look. “Perfect,” I say to my reflection, then grab the olive oil from the kitchen to bring in the cam room with me. I didn’t forget about that.

I turn the correct lights on, changing the bulb color from pink to a simple white. I check my reflection in the monitor and tighten the pigtails so they sit higher, then pucker my lips to make sure I have the right look. Once I’m satisfied, I log into my account and prepare to get started. 

**Welcome to your session, xxxCaroline. Go Live now?**

“Yes,” I whisper to myself, clicking the green button.

**You will go Live in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1. xxxCaroline, you are now Live!**

I turn on my persona right away. Now, April is out the window and Caroline is front and center. “Hi, boys,” I say, drawing out the ‘o’ in the word. On the right side of the screen, I see viewers start to flow in as they’ve all gotten my Live notification. I can barely read the names, they’re coming in so fast. “There’s so many of you!” I say enthusiastically.

**Oldfaithful100: hey sweet girl**

I gasp theatrically. “Faithful, Is that you? I haven’t seen you in so long! You haven’t been watching another girl’s show, have you?”

 **Oldfaithful100: never. Just been busy with work. Missed you so much**  

“I missed you, too,” I say, leaning forward to create cleavage. “And I’m glad you’ve been a good boy. I’m the only one allowed to be naughty around here.” 

**BigBoi12: so naughty ;)**

**Camguy11: did you just come from the beach you pretty little thing?**

“You know me so well, Camguy!” I say, tipping my head from side to side so my pigtails move. “I just came from the beach and it was _super_ fun.”

 **Bigdick_9: please tell me you didn’t wear THAT bikini to the beach**  

“What?” I say innocently. “What’s wrong with this bikini, Biggie?” 

**Bigdick_9: only we should see you like this, carebear. Other guys don’t deserve to see you looking like this**

“So many men were looking at me,” I say, blinking slowly with wide eyes. “I bet they didn’t know how young I am. I wish you guys would’ve been there to protect me.” I sigh dramatically, lifting my shoulders before dropping them. “At one point the waves even ripped my top off.” I slip one finger below the string that leads up to my neck, stroking my skin as I go. “I think everyone saw. Are you guys mad at me?”

**Papabear: we’re disappointed, carebear. We should be the only ones who see those parts of you**

“I’m sorry,” I say, sitting up higher on my knees. “What can I do to make it better?”

**2sitonmyface: clamps, baby**

 “2,” I say. “I’ve never used the clamps before. They’re so scary.”

**2sitonmyface: I sent them to you for a reason. You think I meant for them to collect dust in that trunk of sex toys?**

“You don’t have to be so mean,” I pout, crossing my arms so my breasts push together.

**UrDaddy420: be nice to her or you’re getting blocked**

“420 always protects me,” I say. “And he’s right. Be nice, or you’ll get banned from the chat.”

 **2sitonmyface: you need to be dominated. Don’t lie, carebear, you like it. Get the clamps.**  

I press my hands to my face as if what he’s saying makes me blush. “Yes, sir,” I say lightly, eyes flashing as I walk to the trunk. When I come back, I’m holding both clamps in my palm, connected by a chain. They’re adjustable and he’s right, I’ve never used them before. “You mean these?” I say. 

**2sitonmyface: yes, those**

**2sitonmyface TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**2sitonmyface: put them on and touch yourself while you increase the pressure**  

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**BigBoi12: get naked**

“You guys are so crazy,” I say, slowly reaching up to untie the knot behind my neck that’s keeping my bikini top up. “I don’t know if I wanna get naked all the way. It’s so cold in this room, my nipples are already so hard…”

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 1000 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: get naked, baby girl**  

I giggle with satisfaction. “See, 420 always knows how to get his way,” I say, pulling on the string. “You guys should learn from him.” 

 **Kenny69 TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**  

**Kenny69: reloaded bitches**

I roll my eyes lightly then take the top half of my bikini completely off. Once the cool air hits my breasts, my nipples perk up instantly and I shiver because of it. “Oh, that feels kinda good,” I say. I look to the right side of the screen as more viewers come online and see a username I’ve been looking forward to. “Hi, Handsome,” I say sweetly.

**TallDarkHandsome: Seems I logged in just in time.**

“You sure did,” I say, casting my bikini top to the side.

  **2horny4u: TITS TITS TITS TITS TITS TITS TITS**

**Kenny69: you really do have the best tits, carebear. So perky, fuck**

**Papabear: what I wouldn’t give to get my mouth on those**

“Guys, you’re too much,” I say, skimming my hands over them. In reality, I know I have nice boobs. I got lucky, given my line of work. Although the guys would probably say the same no matter what I was endowed with.

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 1000 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome: Lick your fingers. Then rub your nipples and get them ready.**

“Of course,” I say, opening my mouth to lick my hand salaciously. “I have to warm up.” I rub both nipples with two damp hands, tossing my head to the side as it really does feel good. “Ugh, I love that,” I whimper.

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 1500 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome: Keep going. Until you come.**

I smile devilishly. “I was supposed to put the nipple clamps on,” I say, blinking rapidly. “You weren’t here for that.”

**2sitonmyface: yeah, you weren’t here for that. So you can fuck off. I paid her to put them on, bitch**

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 5000 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome: Use clothespins instead.**  

“Oh my,” I say, cupping my breasts as my nipples are already hard enough. “Won’t that hurt me, Handsome?”

**BigBoi12: okay changed my mind. His idea is better**

**Kenny69: fucking CLOTHESPINS oh my god my dick my dick my dick. it’s so HARD fuck!**

**Mytractorsexy: I’m sure you have clothespins lying around, don’t you pretty girl?**

**2sitonmyface: so what my coins just don’t matter to you then bitch? I told you to do what I say!**

I frown and lean forward, grabbing the mouse to hover over his username. The option comes up right away, so I click it with gusto. **BLOCK this user?**

“Blocked,” I say aloud. 

**UrDaddy420: thank god. I didn’t like the way he talked to you, carebear**

**TallDarkHandsome: I’ve already reported him.**

**Kenny69: of course you have fancypants. That’s what you should change your user to**

“We don’t have to think about him anymore,” I say, curving the conversation. “Should I get the clothespins now?” 

 **Papabear TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**  

**Bigdick_9 TIPPED YOU 550 COINS**

**Kenny69 TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 4500 COINS**

 “I’m gonna take that as a yes,” I say, swaying my barely-clothed hips as I walk to the trunk. Coincidentally, I do have clothespins in here. “Okay,” I say, getting comfortable once again on my knees. “Hold on,” I say, eyeing the camera. “I got a request that I think would be perfect for this.”

**UrDaddy420: Fuck yes. Edge for me sweetheart.**

I ignore his message and it passes without acknowledgment as I grab the bottle of olive oil. “I got sunburnt at the beach earlier,” I say, shimmying out of my bikini bottoms.

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 10,000 COINS**

I smirk to myself, head ducked. “I ran out of aloe. So, this was the next best thing. I was just gonna rub it… all… over myself,” I say, unscrewing the cap. “What do you guys think?”

**Kenny69: I fucking nutted**

  **FarmerJon: rub it over every inch you naughty girl**

**UrDaddy420: Is this what we talked about?**

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 10,000 COINS**  

**Bigdick_9: what the fuck is up with this guy! You don’t own her you fucking rich bastard**

**Peterpiperpecker: are we sure he’s not a bot**

**TallDarkHandsome: I’m not a bot, I assure you.**

**Kenny69: yeah cuz that’s believable**

**TallDarkHandsome: Rub the oil on, Caroline.**

“I love the way you talk to me, Handsome,” I say, pouring some into my hands as I kneel completely naked before the camera. First, I slather it on my chest, all the way across, feeling it drip slowly between my breasts, over my belly button, then down between my thighs. “It’s so warm,” I moan, rubbing it in. “Where should I put it next?”

**Kenny69: TITTIES**

**Kenny69 TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

I scoff lightheartedly. “You have such a way with words, Kenny,” I say, fingers poised over my nipples. “Should I?”

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 5000 COINS**

  **TallDarkHandsome: Yes, you should.**

Obeying them, I rub the olive oil over my breasts and can’t help but sigh at the way it feels. It makes my skin slippery and smooth, and when I draw circles around my nipples with my fingernails, heat jolts to my core. “I’m so horny,” I whisper.

**Papabear: I think it’s safe to say we all are**

  **Camguy11: I’m so fucking hard**

  **TallDarkHandsome: Keep going.**  

“Whatever you say, Handsome,” I purr, rubbing my hands down my torso until I get to my thighs. I oil up my legs, then spread my knees as I lean back. 

**BigBoi12: fuck I love that tight little pussy**

“Can I touch myself, Handsome?” I ask, his username tumbling from my mouth of its own volition.

**TallDarkHandsome: Put the clothespins on, then yes.**

**BigBoi12: wait when did this become his game?**

**FarmerJon: I mean he is the one dropping the huge ass tips *shrug***  

 **Kenny69: as long as she fucks herself I’m here for it**  

I pick up the clothespins, trying not to drop them with my oily fingers, then put the first one on my left breast. “Oh god,” I moan, inhaling sharply as the feeling courses through my nerves. “It hurts,” I whimper. “But it feels really good.” 

**TallDarkHandsome: Now, the other.**

I smile at the lens and do as he says. I clamp the second clothespin on my right breast and the feeling doubles; now, my whole body is abuzz with this electric feeling.

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 10,000 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome: Make yourself come.**

**Kenny69: FUCK YOURSELF BABY so we all can see**

**Camguy11: I’m about to cream I can’t fuckin take this she’s so fuckin sexy**

I close my eyes and relax, sliding a hand between my legs so I can push two fingers inside my body. “Mmm, yes,” I moan, moving slowly. I find a rhythm with the push and pull, drawing out the wetness within me as I lift my hand up. “See how wet you’ve made me?” I ask lasciviously.

**Bigdick_9 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**Bigdick_9: suck on those fingers, pretty girl**  

I do as he says, slipping them past my lips and wrapping my tongue around them. “Tastes like sex,” I groan, getting them sufficiently coated in saliva before using them to fuck myself again. I continue the motion until I’ve worked myself up to a fever pitch; it didn’t take long at all.

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 5000 COINS**

  **TallDarkHandsome: Take the clothespins off. Right now.**

In one fluid motion, I unclip them and blood comes rushing back. In doing so, it sends an unexpected orgasm washing through me, one that makes my body rattle and jerk in ways I haven’t done on camera in a long time. “Shit,” I hiss, gritting my teeth as it ravages me. “Fuck!”

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 10,000 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome: Beautiful.**  

…

After I get out of the shower, I have a missed video chat from UrDaddy420. “Not tonight,” I murmur, but as I say it, he calls back.

 I know why he’s calling. I didn’t go through with his request and I should have. He paid me for it at dinner. But it wasn’t on the forefront of my mind. Pleasing him wasn’t a priority tonight. He doesn’t stop calling, though. And after a while, he takes to messaging me. 

**UrDaddy420 SENT YOU A MESSAGE!**

**UrDaddy420: We need to talk.**

  **UrDaddy420: Stop ignoring me.**  

**UrDaddy420: Daddy just wants to talk to his little girl.**

 If it were anyone else, I probably would have blocked them by now. But he does a lot for me, so I don’t have the guts. I don’t really want to, either. It wasn’t right to ignore his request and go with what TallDarkHandsome wanted instead. I know that, but it doesn’t mean I was capable of doing it. So, instead of wasting time messaging him, I video call him in the steamy bathroom while wearing nothing at all.

“Hi, 420,” I say.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he says, but his voice doesn’t sound cordial like it usually does. It’s low and dark, which lets me know that he’s pissed. “I’m very upset with you.”

“I’m sorry, 420,” I say. “It slipped my mind.”

“You were only focused on one viewer,” he says. “Carebear, that’s not the way to keep your loyal following. How can I trust you now? Why should I keep paying you after that little stunt?”

“420, don’t say that,” I say, jutting out my lower lip. “You’re my most loyal viewer out of all of them. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He perks up a little hearing that. “You would be on the street without me,” he says. 

“I would,” I agree. 

“Make it up to me,” he says. 

“I don’t know,” I respond instantly, having expected that. “I’m really tired.” 

“Make it up to me, Caroline,” he says. “You betrayed my trust, so you owe me.”

His tone catches me off guard yet again, but he isn’t exactly wrong. So, I say, “What can I do?”

“Talk dirty,” he says. “Tell me what you’d do to me if we were together. Get me off.”

So, I do. He tips me after, but for the first time since starting this business, I feel guilty and a little violated once I hang up. I try to shake the feeling, though. Some of the guys get weird when they feel like they’re losing control. He thinks he owns me, and I allow him to keep that mindset because of how much he pays me. It’s a ruse that I have to support, no matter how dirty it makes me feel.

I brush my teeth roughly and message Jade, telling her to come over so we can talk about ideas for our show. That, and so I can tell her about everything that just transpired. It’s barely 8pm, so when she comes to the door she’s holding takeout and wearing a smile. 

“Hey, sexy,” she says, dropping a kiss on my cheek as I open the door. “Hungry?”

“Starving,” I say.

“Got any cucumbers we can put on the salad?” she asks, then bursts out laughing. “I’m fucking with you. Let’s go sit.”

We sit at my dining room table and get all the food out, taking our time while eating. I tell her everything that went down today and she listens intently, and is thankfully just as weirded out as I am when I tell her the exchange that UrDaddy420 and I had.

“He wants to like, chain you up in his basement,” she says, mouth full. “I’d just block him.”

“I can’t,” I say. “I don’t want to, really. He’s never threatened me, or anything.”

“Yet,” she grumbles.

“Well, if he does, then I’ll block him,” I say.

“Wouldn’t want him to miss out on our show,” she says, chuckling. “Oh, that reminds me. I brought a few outfit choices. Want me to try them on and show you?”

“Sure,” I say.

I stay at the table as she disappears into the next room to change. We’ve seen each other naked plenty of times and definitely will in the future, but I’m sure she’s trying to employ the element of surprise. “Okay, for this one I was thinking like… sexy teacher and student,” she says, coming out in a lingerie set that could be taken vaguely as teacher-esque. 

“I like it,” I say.

Interrupting us, there’s a knock at the door that makes us both jump. “Fuck,” she says. “Who is that?”

“No clue,” I say, standing.

“Open up, Bunny!” Ariel calls happily. “Dad came home early! He wants to see your new place!”


	3. Chapter 3

“Shit!” I hiss. Jade looks to the door with wide eyes, then back to me. “Shit!” I say again, standing haphazardly from the table. 

“Bunny, you in there?” Ariel calls. 

“April?” Dad’s voice sounds. 

Jade looks to me with confusion. Until now, she thought my real name was Caroline. For all I know, hers isn’t Jade. “I… uh…” I stammer, looking around desperately as if I’m not past the point of help already. “Just a second!” 

“It’s cold out here,” Ariel complains. 

“Just a minute!” I turn to Jade with urgency in my eyes. “Go change,” I say, shooing her away.

“Should I hide?” she asks.

“No!” I say, shaking my head for effect. “Just… go! Go change.” 

She hurries off and I take a deep breath as I head towards the door, smoothing my loungewear and trying to settle down. This was the last thing I expected; my dad and sister showing up. Right after a show, no less, and when another cam girl is at my house. They deserve an award for their awful timing. “Hey, guys,” I say, opening the door by a crack. Just enough for them to see my face. “Hi, daddy,” I say, giving him a grin. 

“Bunny,” he says, extending his arms for a hug. 

That means I have to open the door wider, which implies that I want to invite them in. Which I really didn’t. “Hey, dad,” I say, cheek pressed against his shirt. “What are you doing here?” 

“What am I doing here?” he echoes. “My Bunny girl got a new place and I haven’t seen it yet. Been gone forever. I’m way past due. I missed you, beautiful! And that’s all the welcome I get?” 

“I missed you, too,” I say, still lingering in the opening.

“Rel told me all about your place. You must be doing pretty well if you can afford a nice little getup like this.”

“I am,” I say. 

“She has a life coaching business,” Ariel adds. 

“Uh, yeah,” I say. 

“Still going to school?” Dad asks.

“Yeah,” I answer. “Dancing, you know.”

“Always loved seeing you dance,” he says. “I still remember your first pair of slippers. Remember when they fell in the toilet and you had to go to class with sopping wet feet?” 

“Yep,” I say tersely. “I remember.” 

“Well, can we come in?” he says. “I don’t mean to intrude. I really don’t. I just don’t have much time here and I want to spend it with my favorite people.” I pause for a moment and he backs down, demeanor growing more diminished. “If you’re busy, we can do it another time. No problem. Really.” 

It’s true, I haven’t seen my dad in forever. And I do miss him. We have the same sense of humor and everyone always used to tell me I was his little twin. We have a lot in common and we don’t spend enough time together. The fact that Ariel brought him here because he wanted to see a part of my life means a lot. I don’t want to brush him off because I don’t know when I’ll get an opportunity like this again. It would be cruel to turn it down. “No, no,” I say. “Come in. I… I just have a friend over.” 

“A friend?” Ariel asks, eyes wide. 

“Yeah, uh, her name is Jade,” I say.

“I heard my name,” Jade says brightly, coming from the hall dressed in what she had worn here - simple leggings and a t-shirt.

“Yeah,” I say, stomach jumping with nerves. “Daddy, this is my friend Jade. Jade, this is my dad. And my sister, Ariel.” 

“Nice to meet you, Jade,” Dad says, shaking her hand. “I don’t mean to interrupt your time.” 

“Oh no, it’s fine,” Jade says. “We see each other all the time.” 

“Oh,” Dad says. “Well, good then. So, you spend a lot of time here?”

“Um… yeah, we spend a lot of time together,” she says a little awkwardly. 

“They’re like, best friends,” Ariel says, knowing exactly who Jade is. 

“Yeah,” I say. 

“Your daughter is the best,” Jade says earnestly. “I love her. Really, she’s awesome.” 

Dad smiles, then something akin to realization comes over his face. “Oh,” he says. “ _ Oh _ .” 

“Oh?” I ask, confused. 

“Oh,” he says yet again, smiling now. “Well, that’s great. I’m really happy for the both of you.” 

My eyebrows come together as I have no idea what he’s talking about, grinning as he looks between me and Jade. Then, it dawns on me - he thinks we’re dating. “Dad, wait, no,” I say, words spewing from my mouth. 

“Honey,” he says. “I want you to feel comfortable telling me anything. I always wondered, honestly. And as a parent, there’s no better feeling than knowing your child is happy. I’m happy for you, babe.” 

“Dad…” I say, grasping for straws. 

“Listen, we don’t even have to talk about it. I know it embarrasses you. I just wanna let you know that I support you.” 

I cover my face with my hands and shake my head, listening to Ariel try and stifle her laughter. Jade, smug and playful as ever, winds an arm around my waist while looking towards my father. “She makes me really happy, Mr. Kepner,” she says.

“Please,” he says warmly. “Call me Joe.” 

…

“Well, that was a fucking train wreck.” 

“It was not that bad. Would you chill?” 

Dad and Ariel left not long ago, with Ariel ever-so-amused at how I wouldn’t let Dad into the ‘guest room’ and how I had to keep up my fake act of being Jade’s girlfriend. “I am chill,” I say unconvincingly. 

“What’s worse - your dad thinking you’re gay or finding out that we met through a cam service?” She pauses for a moment. “What’s wrong with being gay, anyway? Homophobe.” 

“Shut up,” I groan. “There’s nothing wrong with it. Obviously. I just don’t know why he assumed that.” 

“He wants you to find someone, clearly,” she says. “You made him happy for one night. Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Well, I lied to him. So, no.” 

“God, you have some serious daddy issues,” she mumbles.

“I’m aware,” I say. 

“No wonder you chose the submissive schoolgirl gig,” she continues. 

“Stop,” I say. “I’m not digging into my psyche with you. I didn’t choose it for me. I chose it because a ton of guys are sickos and they like that Lolita shit. Don’t… don’t use your psych major to go digging around in my brain.”

“Whatever,” she says lightly, standing up. “I should go. I promised some guys we’d video tonight and if I’m late, they’ll find something else to yank their dick to. Are we good for the teacher/student thing?”

“Yeah,” I say, leaning forward onto my elbows as I’m still at the table. 

“Tomorrow night,” she says. “My place.” 

“I’ll be there,” I say. 

Jade leaves and I’m left alone at the table, groaning over what just transpired. I can sit here and stew for as long as I want, but it’s late and I want to get to the studio early tomorrow. Since I missed so much class, I have a lot to catch up on and I want to show Professor Herman that I’m not only capable of dancing at the level of everyone else, but even more. So, I get up, turn the lights off in the house, and head towards my real bedroom. I check my phone after I crawl under the covers, face washed and pajamas on, to see I have a message. 

**TallDarkHandsome SENT YOU A MESSAGE!**

**TallDarkHandsome: Thank you for the oil, Caroline. You put on a gorgeous show.**

My stomach really shouldn’t jump the way it does, but I can’t help it. No matter how persistently I try and convince myself that he’s just a customer, just one of the thousands of guys who watches me, I can’t ignore that he feels different. There’s something about him that seems real, yet so unattainable. Even though he’s the one lusting after me, the feeling has become quite mutual. I can’t let him know that, though.

**xxxCaroline: Thanks to you. I wouldn’t have gotten the idea without your suggestion ;)**

**TallDarkHandsome: When will I see you on my screen again?**

I clutch my phone with both hands and squeal to myself, eyes pinched shut. He wants to see me. He’s asking specifically when he will. I can barely contain my excitement, and I’m just glad we’re not video-chatting. I don’t know if I’d be able to visibly keep my cool. 

**xxxCaroline: Tomorrow night I’m doing a show with one of my friends. I think you’ll like it :) At least I hope you will :)**

**TallDarkHandsome: I assure you, I’ll like it.**

**TallDarkHandsome TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**TallDarkHandsome: To make sure you have sweet dreams.**

**xxxCaroline: Talking to you, there’s no way I couldn’t.**

My smile is about to break my face. This has gotten out of control. 

**TallDarkHandsome: Goodnight, beautiful girl.**

**xxxCaroline: Goodnight, Handsome.**

I plug my phone in and turn it face-down on my nightstand, grinning giddily at the ceiling as I pull the covers close to my chin. For some reason, I feel guilt mixed with all these bright emotions, but I can’t put my finger on why. I talk to plenty of guys outside of the show, it isn’t strange that I’m doing the same with him. The only thing different about it, I come to realize after lying there and thinking forever, is that he actually makes me feel something. And that is something I’m not used to at all. 

…

The next day, I’m in the ballet studio at 7:30am, though my class doesn’t start until 10. The place is quiet and tranquil, which is something I value as I unzip my bag and get out my pointe slippers, bracing myself for the pain my feet are about to endure as I haven’t put them on for days now.

They’re decently worn in, I don’t wear these for performances - I have a different pair for that. They’re worn in, too, but in a different way. Dancing in brand-new pointe shoes in any setting is hell and there’s no possible way to do it gracefully. The shoes are a creature in themselves, nearly sentient, and before putting them on, a dancer has to beat them to their foot’s liking. When I get a new shoe, I grate the bottom so the grip is better and slam the toe against the floor until the box breaks, which isn’t an uncommon practice. 

These shoes, though, don’t need it. They’re already formed to my foot, and are as comfortable as a pointe shoe can get. Though I wrap my toes, the pressure is still present as I lift up and bend my foot forward, stretching the muscles that haven’t been active for days. “You got this,” I mutter to myself, walking to the barre as I tie my hair up in a bun. “You got this.”

I turn on music - classical and loud - and lose myself in the way my body can move. I have to completely silence my thoughts or else this won’t work. If I’m lost in my head when I practice, I accomplish nothing and the whole thing is worthless. My best work comes when I let my muscles take over, because they know what to do. I’ve been dancing since I was a kid; just like my dad said, it’s second-nature at this point. 

I don’t know how long I’ve been practicing alone until I sense the presence of another person. Thinking it’s a classmate, I don’t turn to acknowledge them. Instead, I continue practicing and go through a routine from the winter showcase not long ago. It was a difficult piece but one that challenged me in all the right areas, and I’ve never grown so much as a dancer as I did while practicing for it. 

By the time I’m finished, I’m sore and sweating, but on a high all the same. I sit on the floor and take a long swig of my water bottle, lifting my head to find that my teacher has been watching me. “Oh,” I say, scrambling to my feet as if she would smite me if I didn’t. “Professor Herman. I didn’t know you were there. I… I just came a little early to practice. I can leave, uh, if you… if you need the space. I’ll just come back for class.” 

I bend over to start collecting my things, but she stops me with her voice. “I didn’t come here to tell you to leave, Miss Kepner,” she says, and her tone is much softer than it had been yesterday. It soothes me a bit, allows my muscles to relax. 

“Oh,” I say, pushing tendrils of hair out of my face. “Um, okay.”

She walks a bit closer, looking at me through her small, black-framed glasses. “I came in because I knew you were practicing,” she says. “I heard Debussy.” 

I smile to myself and let out a small puff of air. “Yeah,” I say. 

She doesn’t smile - she rarely ever does - but I imagine that if she were physically capable, she would be doing it right now. “I came because I have something to share with you,” she tells me. I wait silently, on the edge of my figurative seat. “Kaliyah dropped out of the spring showcase. She’s moving home for the semester due to family issues.” 

My eyebrows come together. Kaliyah is a girl in my class, one of the more talented dancers. I’ve always been envious of the way she holds herself. “Oh, no,” I say. 

“It’s unfortunate,” Professor Herman says. “But I’m offering you her spot as the soloist.”

My eyes widen and my jaw drops. That was the last thing I expected to hear and I have no idea how to react. “I… sorry, what?” I stammer.

“No one else is good enough to catch up this late in the season,” she says seriously. “No one except for you. If you accept, this means you cannot miss a single class or rehearsal. I will drop you from the position if you do. Am I understood?” 

I blink and take a deep breath to convince myself that this is real and actually happening. “I’ll… yes,” I say. “I want the part, Professor. I won’t miss another class, I promise. I’ll do the work.” 

“I know you will,” she says, tipping her head in a nod. “See you in class.” 

I watch her leave the room and once she does, I let a huge breath from my nose and say, “Oh, my god,” to myself. I stand up, turn around to look in the mirror, and see exhilaration painted all over my face. “Holy shit!” I squeal. Still in my pointe shoes, I jump up and down with my limbs flailing everywhere, laughing maniacally like I just won the lottery. In a way, it feels like I did. After my celebration is over, I dig in my bag for my iPhone and dial Ariel’s number.

“Bunny, what? I just got to class.” 

“I have amazing news!” I cheer. “I just got offered the solo part for the spring showcase. I’m a soloist, Rel!”

“Wait,” she says, stunned. “Wait. What? What? How?” 

“It’s kinda sad because this other girl dropped out. I feel bad and hope everything’s okay, but Herman said I’m the only one in the class who’s good enough to take her place. I got the damn solo, Rel! She said I deserved it. I’m honestly freaking out right now!” 

“Holy shit!” she says. “Holy shit. I am so happy for you, oh my god!”

“Thank you!” I exclaim. “I know!” I glance at the clock. “I gotta go, and you probably do too. I’ll let you go, okay? Let’s talk later.” 

“We need to freakin’ celebrate tonight!” she says. 

“Well… I… tonight I can’t,” I say. “I’m doing a show with Jade, but-”

“Seriously?” she says, killing the vibe with her tone. “This huge thing just happened and you’re still gonna work tonight?”

“I already made a plan to,” I say. “I’m not gonna just flake on an obligation. I had no idea this was gonna happen.” 

She sighs and I can practically hear her eye-roll. “Sure, whatever,” she says. “Happy for you, Buns. See you later.” 

I shake my head and roll my eyes in the same way she probably just did. “Yeah, see you.” 

I hang up and try not to be frustrated with how much Ariel doesn’t understand about my life. Instead, I shove my phone back into my bag and walk into the hall with a smile on my face, headed towards the classroom where rehearsal will begin in just a few minutes. My stomach is already doing flips as I imagine everyone’s reactions when Herman tells them I’m the new soloist. 

Class goes well, and by the time it’s over I’m sweaty and spent. I haven’t worked myself that hard in weeks, but I wanted to prove myself today. I wanted Herman to see that she made the right decision and that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make my solo the best it can be. I have a lot of catching up to do, but I’m more than ready to do it. 

“You killed it today,” Lexie says, catching up with me. “Congrats, by the way.” 

“Thanks,” I say with a smile. 

“I knew you’d have something coming soon,” she says. “What’d I tell you?”

“You were right,” I acquiesce. “Now, I wanna go home and nap for a thousand years.” 

She chuckles. “How about after that, we go out for drinks?” 

Something pangs in my chest as I realize I’m going to have to turn Lexie down, too. “I wish I could,” I say. “I gotta work, though.” 

“Damn,” she says, snapping her fingers for effect. “Another time.”

“Definitely,” I say. 

When I get home, I check the clock to see if I have time for a quick power nap only to find that I don’t. I have to leave for Jade’s house in 30 minutes, which gives me just enough time to shower. I throw my ballet things near the door and trudge to the bathroom, unwinding my ballet bun in the mirror while studying my ruddy face. Class was rough today, and it’ll only get rougher. I don’t want to think about how that will inevitably interfere with my show schedule. 

I clear my mind when I step under the water, swiping hair out of my face so the water can run over my skin and refresh me in a way I badly need. I stay there for a while, eyes closed, just breathing, and feel relaxed when I work shampoo through my hair. Tonight won’t be bad; it’ll be fun. I like doing shows with Jade because it gives me someone to work off of and the viewership usually doubles. We split the amount when the night is over, and we’re never left wanting. It’s not hard to excite the guys, either. They’re easy in the way that two girls touching each other is enough to wrap them around our fingers.

I gather my makeup and supplies in a big duffel bag and leave my house with wet hair, planning on styling it once I get to her house. Before I zip up, I make sure I have everything - from the whip to my lip gloss - and after finding that I do, I get on the road. 

“Hey, baby doll!” Jade says when I pull up. She’s standing outside her door dressed in a green robe, hair in defined, shiny curls on her shoulders. “Come inside.” 

I set up in her bathroom while she plays music, and she comes in a while later dancing to Cardi B. “This song sucks,” I say, laughing at her exaggerated moves.

“Hater,” she says. “You’re so quiet. Something bothering you?”

“I’m just fucking exhausted,” I say, leaning forward to adhere my eyelashes. “Dance kicked my ass.” 

“Damn,” she says. “You wanna reschedule?”

“No,” I say. “But… just…” I sigh and back away from the mirror to look at her. “Don’t get offended if I have to fake, okay?” 

“Honey, never,” she says. “What the guys don’t know won’t hurt them.”

I shoot her a smile. “Okay, cool,” I say. “Thanks.” 

“I got you,” she says, then gives me a light tap on the ass. “Come in when you’re ready. I’ll show you what I have.” A little while later, I go into Jade’s cam room that doubles as her real bedroom to see that she’s set it up in the style of a rudimentary classroom. There’s a teacher’s desk and one for the student, which I’ll be playing, and she smiles while making a grand gesture with her arm. “What do you think?” she asks.

I giggle to myself and adjust the knot I tied the tails of my white button-up shirt into, resting a few inches above my belly button. With that, I have on a navy blue skirt, white knee socks, and my signature pigtails. “It’s great,” I say. “They’re gonna love it.” 

When we go live, I let my mind wander. I still put on a good performance - I never let my craft suffer - but I don’t have the energy to be mentally present. Jade bends me over the teacher’s desk and spanks me hard, numerous times, and I do what I have to do to seem believable. I grip the edges of the desk and moan, pressing my forehead against the wood as she smacks me with a ruler. “Mistress, please,” I say, after losing count of how many tips we’ve gotten. “Let me come.” 

Jade turns towards the camera and raises the ruler, stroking my ass with her free hand. “What do you think, boys?” she says. “Should I let my naughty girl have an orgasm?”

**Bigdick_9: she deserves it let our girl cum**

**Kenny69: I WANNA SEE HER CUM ALL OVER UR TITS**

**Spankydoodle: make her wait**

**FarmerJon: fuck!**

“Please, don’t make me wait,” I beg, wanting to get this livestream done and over with more than anything. 

She turns me around and traces the shape of my chin with the ruler, tipping my head up while looking into my eyes. “I should make you fuck me,” she says, and I know she’s bluffing. She knows my rules and boundaries when it comes to joint shows. “I should make you suck my clit ‘til your jaw is sore,” she continues. 

“Please, mistress,” I say quietly, swallowing hard. “My pussy is throbbing.”

**UrDaddy420: she’s THROBBING. Let her cum**

“Maybe I should,” Jade says. “But you’re gonna do it yourself. I’ll watch and make sure you do it correctly. If you do it wrong, I’ll make you stop.” 

“Okay,” I say, sliding to the floor with my legs spread, exposed for the camera. 

“What do you say?” she prompts, nudging me with her high heel.

“Yes, mistress,” I say dutifully, and start to rub myself. 

I don’t bother taking time to work myself up. I’m not aroused in the slightest and I’m bone-tired. The only thing keeping me upright at the moment is how much money we’re making, but even that doesn’t make me want to drag out my solo session any longer than the bare minimum. “You’re doing so good, Carebear,” Jade says, caressing my naked legs as I pretend to get closer and closer. “So good.” 

“May I come now, mistress?” I ask. 

“Yes. Good girl,” she says. “Let me see you come.” 

I’m a good actress - I know how to fake an orgasm, and I put my skills to use. I bend my knees closer to my face and open my mouth wide, slowing my hand down as I make my hips jerk in an irregular pattern against my palm. “Oh, god,” I moan, tossing my head to one side. I feel Jade grab my chin and kiss me hard and messy, which is what the guys love. It turns them on to see me dominated no matter who’s doing it. 

**BigBoi12: LICK HER WET PUSSY JADE**

**1ur11mom1: SIT ON HER FACE**

**2sitonmyface: suffocate the bitch, Jade**

I see that username and let concern flicker across my eyes briefly, but I don’t let it stay. “Can I rest, mistress?” I ask from the floor. “Please?”

She allows me and we sign off while still in character, thanking the guys for their donations. As she shuts off the camera, I can’t help but wonder where TallDarkHandsome was. But as soon as the thought crosses my mind, I will it away. I shouldn’t think about individual clients like that. There’s no reason to. 

“You okay?” Jade asks, helping me up from the floor.

“Yeah.” 

“At least you got an orgasm,” she says.

I shoot her a look, about to tell her it wasn’t real, but decide against it. It’s not worth it, and it really doesn’t matter. “True,” I say.

We clean up together and I throw a coat on over my outfit, too tired to change before getting in my car. “Text me when you get home!” she calls. “Don’t fall asleep behind the wheel.”

“I won’t,” I say, smiling. Though my body is tired, my mind isn’t. That’s usually how it works.

When I get home, I don’t bother doing laundry or taking care of things how they’re supposed to be taken care of. I wash the makeup off my face and take my hair down, then change into pajamas and crawl into bed. But as soon as I do, my phone chimes with a notification. 

**INCOMING VIDEO CALL FROM TallDarkHandsome. ANSWER?**

My breath hitches in my throat as I stare at my phone screen, stomach jumping with nerves and excitement. I shouldn’t allow myself to feel such things, but they came on so involuntarily that I don’t have to think twice whether or not to answer. Even though I’m in my real bed, hair down and makeup off, I tap the green button. 

“Hi, Handsome,” I say, my voice whisper-light.

“Hey,” he says. 

“Sorry it’s so dark,” I say. “I’m in bed with the lights off.” 

“That’s okay,” he says. “I just like hearing your voice. I wasn’t sure if you’d answer.”

“I don’t usually accept calls like this,” I say. 

“Like this…” he says. “How do you mean?” 

“When I’m out of costume and in bed, hair down,” I say. “You’re a special case.” 

“Oh, am I,” he says, a lilt in his tone. “That’s good to know.” 

I giggle softly. “Did you like the show?” I ask. 

He pauses for a moment before saying, “I want to be honest with you.” 

“Okay…” 

“I didn’t,” he says. “Because I enjoy seeing you have an orgasm.”

“I had one,” I say sweetly. “Were you not paying attention?” 

“Oh, I was,” he says. “But you didn’t come. You faked it expertly, but you definitely didn’t come.” 

I chew on my lower lip and blink into the phone camera, watching myself do so in the small screen on the lower right side. “Was it obvious?” I ask. 

“Only to me,” he says.

“How do you know me so well?” I ask. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “But I called to give you a real orgasm so you can get some well-deserved rest.” 

My stomach jumps again, and this time the feeling migrates between my thighs. “How do you plan on doing that?” I say. 

“Lay back,” he says. “Let me talk you there.” 

My whole body buzzes now. “Okay,” I say. 

“Are you naked?” he asks. 

“Hold on,” I say, then push the covers off to strip myself of the pajamas I had just put on. “Now, I am. Wanna see?”

“If you want to show me.” 

“Of course I do,” I say slyly, then pan the camera down my body. “It’s cold. My nipples are hard.” 

“If I were there, I’d warm them with my mouth and tongue,” he says, lowering his voice to something gravelly and slow. “I’d suck on them until you could barely see straight, until they stood rigid for me. I bet your skin tastes so good.”

His voice is pure sex. I’ve never heard anything like it and I never want it to stop. “I’d love that,” I breathe, pinching my nipples after licking my fingers. 

“Show me what you’re doing,” he says, and I move the camera a little lower. “See how pink they are?” he says. “I’d give you hickeys all over your breasts, down your stomach and up your neck. I’d suck on your skin until you begged me to stop, I’d suck on it so hard that makeup wouldn’t come close to covering it.” 

I press my thighs together and breathe shallowly. “I want you to,” I respond. 

“I wouldn’t make you wait,” he says. “I’d touch you. I’d kiss that beautiful body until I got between your thighs, and I’d ask you before I spread them - do you want this?” 

“I want it,” I say quickly, words tumbling from my lips. “What then?”

I hear him smile. “I’d devour that sweet little pussy like it was my last meal,” he says. “I’d lick your lips until you were good and wet. I wouldn’t tease you for long though, you don’t deserve that. I’d bury my face between your legs and find your clit with my lips, playing with it while I fucked you with my fingers. Would you like that, baby?” 

“I like it,” I say, teasing my entrance with two fingers. “Tell me more.” 

“I wouldn’t stop you from trying to fuck my face,” he says. “I’d drag the feeling out for as long as you could take it, until you’re screaming my name and begging me to give you that last push. And I’d give it to you, I’d give it to you whenever you wanted it. I’d graze my teeth over your clit until you locked your thighs around my head and went speechless. I’d make you squirt until you couldn’t breathe, then lick up every last, delicious drop of you.”

“Oh,” I sigh, fingers moving quicker. “I’m almost there.”

“I wouldn’t let you rest,” he says. “I’d take those little hips in my hands and push into you as far as I could. But after that, I’d go slow. I’d make sure you felt every inch as I fucked you.”

“Keep going,” I urge, sparks crawling towards the corners of my eyes. 

“I can imagine how tight your pussy would feel around my dick,” he murmurs. “Walls clamped hard, not letting me go anywhere. You’d keep me right where you want me, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, yeah,” I moan. 

“And I’d slip two fingers in your mouth,” he says. “Wrap your tongue around them. Taste yourself.” 

I switch hands and do as he says, hastily propping my phone on a pillow as I suck on the fingers that were just inside me. “Oh, god,” I groan. 

“Then I’d reach between us and pinch your clit, fingers stay where they are,” he says. “And I’d make you come. I’d make you come better than anyone else ever has, beautiful girl.” 

“Oh, god!” I cry, reaching both hands down between my legs as I jerk and pulse against them. “Oh, god,” I say again, this time a little quieter. My blood pumps heavy through my veins, centered on the apex of my thighs, and I’m cautious to open my eyes. I’m in that post-orgasm haze where my mind isn’t quite clear, but I want nothing more than for him to be beside me right now, physically. I want to kiss him and touch him over more than just the airwaves. This isn’t enough and I’m terrified. Feeling this way towards a client is dangerous and stupid. But I do eventually look at the camera to find him wearing a satisfied expression, one corner of his lips pulled up. He knows exactly what he did to me. “How was it?” he asks.

“Amazing,” I breathe, ghosting one hand over my chest - a hand that I wish was his. “Did you…?” 

“Don’t worry about that,” he says, and I can’t tell if that means he did or that he didn’t.

I see him moving to type on his phone and know exactly what he’s doing. “No,” I say, keeping my voice gentle. “Don’t tip.” 

“What?” he says. “Why not?”

“I don’t want it,” I say, finding it hard to explain that this didn’t feel like a trade-off or a business exchange. It felt intimate and real, something that shouldn’t involve money. “I just… don’t do it, okay?” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I say. “If you send it, I won’t accept. So… please. Just don’t.” 

“Okay,” he says, taking his thumbs away from the keyboard. He looks at me for a long moment, eyes boring into mine, and something sparkles in his. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Anything,” I say, still casually rubbing my lips as they still throb. 

“Can I take you out tomorrow night?” he asks. “I’ve heard through the grapevine that you do meetups, and I’ve been debating whether or not to ask. If you’d rather not, I understand. But-” 

“Yes,” I say. “Yes, of course you can take me out.” 

His face lifts and brightens instantly and I feel the same way on the inside. “Really?” he says, then shakes his head to regain his composure. “Sure. I mean, great. I was thinking Alinea at 7. Does that work for you?” 

I think of my schedule tomorrow - rehearsal gets out at 6:15, which means I’ll have to hurry in order to look nice and get there on time. But an important, unspoken rule of mine is to not let my real life sneak into my clients’ conscious. As far as they know, I am xxxCaroline and this is all I do. For most, I’d like it to stay that way. And though I feel differently towards TallDarkHandsome, I have to remind myself that he’s still a client. I don’t even know his name. He’s talking to me because he finds me sexy and I get him off. It’s a business relationship, nothing more. The thought of anything more is stupid and irrational. “That sounds good,” I say. “I’ll take the train and meet you.” 

“Great,” he says. “I can’t wait to meet you.”

My heart leaps even as I try to keep my cool. “I can’t, either,” I say. “Thanks to you, I’ll be rested for it.” 

“Sleep well,” he says. 

I blow him a kiss. “Dream about me,” I say. 

“I will.” 

…

The next day during rehearsal, Professor Herman brings me to the front as her assistant helps me through the solo. As the rest of the class works on the group dance, I’m being drilled for my new routine, expected to pick it up as quickly as it’s being put down. But admittedly, my mind is elsewhere. I can’t stop thinking about mine and TallDarkHandsome’s conversation last night and how tonight will pan out. I have the outfit I plan on wearing in my bag, folded carefully, but I’m still worried that I’ll look sweaty and tired from dance. 

“April!” Herman snaps, jolting me out of my whirring thoughts and back to earth. “Fix those awful feet.” 

“I’m sorry,” I say, doing as she says. 

“Take the croisé again,” she says. “If your toes are wrong, you’re leaving. Done for the day.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” I say, and try to focus on the task at hand. Luckily, I follow through to her liking and though she doesn’t tell me verbally, the fact that I don’t get reprimanded says it all.

I try my best throughout the rest of class, and once it’s over I hurry to my bag to put my pointe slippers away and massage my feet. “April,” Herman barks from the front of the room, near the mirrors. I look up and she beckons me with a jerk of her chin, so I stand up and make my way over, subdued. “If you’re going to be in your head during rehearsal, I will find someone else for the role,” she says. “How you danced today was unacceptable. I expect better of you. I expect better  _ from  _ you.” 

“I know,” I mutter. “I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” she says. “I need to see it. Otherwise, I don’t want to see anything at all. Am I understood?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” I say, bowing my head. 

“Good,” she says. “Now, go. The next time I see you, I want that back leg fixed.” 

“It will be,” I say, nodding once more before hurrying to my bag to pack everything inside it. “I’ll do better, Professor, I promise.” 

“Don’t promise,” she says. “Prove it.” 

In the school bathroom, I change quickly out of my leotard, tights and legwarmers and into a sundress. My hair has kinks in it from how tightly it was up in the bun, so I do my best to hide them by adding volume and curls. I don’t want to wear the pigtails, no matter how much of a brand they are for me. I want TallDarkHandsome to see me how I usually am, not the persona I put on. I want to know what he thinks of April, not Caroline. I don’t plan on letting the facade down totally, but I’ll know that if he likes Caroline more than he likes me, I have nothing to worry about. We won’t go anywhere. The trouble comes if he actually likes me for me. 

I take the train to Alinea, which is the most expensive restaurant in the area. I feel out of place instantly upon walking in, and the hostess lets me know by just how much. Still carting my ballet bag, I stick out like a sore thumb. Everyone in here is dressed in black, makeup done to perfection, dining quietly and demurely. I clearly don’t belong. 

“Can I help you?” she says, sizing me up with cat eyes. 

“I… um… I’m supposed to be meeting someone,” I say, looking around for a somewhat familiar face. 

“Name?” she prompts. 

I open my mouth to answer, only to come up with nothing. What am I supposed to tell her - TallDarkHandsome, or that I don’t know? If I say either of those, she’ll know exactly why I’m here and judge me even harder. “I… it’s okay,” I say, losing my gumption and waving off the interaction. “I can just, um… I’ll wait on the bench.” 

“The waiting area is for paying customers,” she says, still eyeing me. 

“Oh,” I say. “Okay. I’ll just… I’ll be outside, then.”

She purses her lips and nods, raising her eyebrows at me once again. My cheeks blush a hot red as I push through the revolving doors, but I hear my name as I’m almost through. I turn around and see him then, following in the slot directly behind me, a smile of recognition in his eyes. “Caroline,” he says, once we’re in the open air. “There you are.” 

“Oh,” I say, smiling in return. “I didn’t know you were in there. I-I thought… I don’t know.” I look over his shoulder to find the hostess still watching. “I’m not exactly dressed for the occasion,” I say. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. It was stupid of me.” 

“Don’t apologize,” he says. “They were dicks, anyway. Let’s go somewhere else. Do you like hot dogs?” 

My lips curl up in a smirk. “Yeah,” I say. “Yeah, I do.” 

We find our way to Devil Dawgs, where we sit outside at a picnic table after ordering. But instead of across from each other, we’re seated side-by-side. “I guess I bit off more than I could chew with Alinea,” he says, mouth full. “Oh, shit. Sorry. Manners.” 

“You’re fine,” I say.

I flinch as he reaches towards my face with a napkin. “Just… you got some ketchup,” he says, then dabs at my cheek. “Bad enough you put ketchup on your hot dog anyway. How have they not kicked you out of this city yet?” 

I shrug and giggle a little. “I’m still here,” I say, then let my eyes dart to his lips. “So, um… are you ever going to tell me your name?” I ask. 

“Oh!” he exclaims. “Fuck. God, I’m stupid. My name is Jackson, I’m sorry. It just… wow. I can’t believe that slipped my mind.” 

I shake my head. “It’s okay. It kinda feels like we’ve known each other forever. It’s weird.” 

“I was going to say the same thing,” he says, eyes lingering on mine for a long beat. Then, he says, “Thanks for letting me take you out.”

“Thanks for  _ taking _ me out,” I say, a little bashfully. And it isn’t an act. 

“You’re welcome, of course,” he says. “Honestly, I’ve been dying to ask since the first time we talked. I just wasn’t sure how, or how soon was too soon.”

“So, you waited. Like a gentleman,” I say, eyes flickering. 

“Yes,” he says. “And you accepted, like a lady.” 

I nod. “Mm-hmm.” I scoot a bit closer so our upper arms are touching, and I know he notices. I’m not sure what to think of myself - I don’t usually make moves like that. But with him, I can’t resist. With him, all bets are off and everything feels different. I know next to nothing about him, but it doesn’t feel like that at all. Just like we said, it feels like we’ve known each other forever. “So, how did you find me?” I ask. “You know, my show.”

He chokes a little but plays it off cool, clearing his throat after while trying not to cough. “Um…” he says. “Well, I mean, it’s awkward.” 

“It doesn’t have to be,” I say, playing up the persona now. “Just tell me.”

“It wasn’t weird, or anything,” he says. 

“Baby, don’t be ashamed,” I say. “Just ‘cause we’re together in person doesn’t mean things have to change.” 

His eyes light up a bit, and I hope to God he’s picking up the vibes I’m trying to put across. I know I shouldn’t be trying at all, but I can’t help myself. He’s so attractive in every way possible. It’d go against nature not to want him. “Well, I’ll be honest then. I was just looking for something to jerk off to,” he admits, though he has a hard time looking me in the eyes. “There was an ad on PornHub, so I clicked it. Said live cam girls, and I’d never tried it before… so, I did. You were live at the moment, and I was pulled in by your hair.” 

“My hair,” I say, twirling the end around my pointer finger. I giggle a bit. “Well, I’m glad you decided to come in.” 

“I’m really not like those other guys,” he says. 

“You don’t need to tell me that,” I say. “I already know.” 

“Okay,” he says, then makes a bold move and places a tentative hand on my thigh. I let it stay - in fact, I encourage it. I widen my legs a bit and quiver at how far his fingers reach. He gives my leg a squeeze when he says, “Good.”

Luckily, the night stays warm and we sit hip-to-hip at the picnic table until Devil Dawgs closes and the stars come out. When I get chilly because of my lack of a coat, I know it’s time to go home no matter how badly I don’t want to. We’ve been holding hands atop the table for the past hour or so; it just came to be without any words traded between us. It felt natural.

“I don’t wanna go,” I say in a singsong tone as we stand up, hands still linked. 

“I know,” he says. “I don’t, either. But we can do this again soon, can’t we?”

“Yes,” I say, keeping our fingers locked until we’re too far apart to do so, as I’m heading the other way. But before I can walk far, I hurry back and plant my hands on his shoulders, standing on tiptoes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. My heart hammers during and after, and when I pull away I can’t help the breathless smile on my face. 

“Oh… wow, you smell so good,” he stammers, blinking hard. 

I smile and cover my mouth with my fingertips, then turn them around to give him a sweet wave. “See you online,” I say coyly, before turning to let my huge grin free. 


	4. Chapter 4

After I turn around and make sure Jackson can’t see me anymore, I pinch my eyes shut, ball my hands into fists, and squeal as quietly as I can. When I open my eyes, I still can’t stop smiling. I clutch my phone tight to my chest and jump when it pings with a message notification. Ignoring the handful of texts I have from my sister, I tap the newest bubble that pops up.

**TallDarkHandsome SENT YOU A MESSAGE!**

**TallDarkHandsome:** I totally heard that. 

My whole face heats up and my jaw drops, mouth falling open in a gasp. Quickly, I look over my shoulder to find him standing where I thought he wasn’t. Still a good distance away, but definitely in earshot. And now, he’s waving with a stupid grin on his face. 

**xxxCaroline:** you did not. Stalker. Go home! 

**TallDarkHandsome:** Okay, I will. But you go first. I’m not ready to stop looking at you yet. 

“Oh, my gosh,” I say out loud, clicking my phone screen off. Then, I turn around and wave it above my head, waving him goodbye. “Are you going now?” I call out to him. 

“Once you do,” he says playfully back.

“I’m going!” I shout, laughing.

He laughs, too, though I can’t hear it. I can see his grin, though, and that’s enough. “I’m gonna text you later,” he says, tipping his head in my direction. 

“Wait!” I say, then pull out my phone to bring up our message thread again. 

**xxxCaroline:** this app is annoying. imessage me - 555-482-4738 :) 

**TallDarkHandsome:** Added. You’ll be hearing from me in a little while.

**xxxCaroline:** in a way I’ll like? ;)

**TallDarkHandsome** : I should hope so.

I make the screen go black once more, then turn again. “Go home, Jackson!” I giggle. “Text me.”

“I will,” he says. “Keep an eye out.” 

With an idiotic smile on my face, I turn around and walk towards the train while looking through the rest of the texts I’d missed while he and I were together. They’re all from Ariel, starting at zero and escalating to 100 in a style that is very much my sister’s brand. 

**RECEIVED - Can we talk :(**

**RECEIVED - Bunny are u around?**

**RECEIVED - Text me when u can. I’m really sad and I need u :(**

**RECEIVED - April??? Hello???**

**RECEIVED - Did u die?**

**RECEIVED - APRIL?**

**RECEIVED - WHERE ARE YOU? I need you!!!!!**

“Oh, my god,” I mutter under my breath, tapping my Ventra card before walking through the turnstile. After I’m past it, I press Ariel’s contact to call her instead of wasting time with a text. 

“Finally!” she exclaims loudly, before the first ring can even finish. “I’ve been texting you literally all night. Thanks for ignoring me.” 

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” I say. “I have a life, believe it or not.” 

“Didn’t you hear your phone?” she says, sounding desperate. “I texted you like, a billion times. I’m not trying to be annoying, Bunny, but I really need you.” 

I sigh, defeated. “What’s up” I ask.

“Joey dumped me,” she whimpers. “Out of nowhere, right after cheer tonight. He freaking texted me. It wasn’t even in person!” 

“Oh, god,” I say. Joey is - or was - Ariel’s boyfriend of about six months. He’s on the football team, she’s on the cheer squad, it was very cinematic. She really liked him as much as you can like someone in high school. I’d only met him a few times, but they were cute together. “I’m sorry, Rel.” 

“So, yeah,” she says, sniffling. “I’m really upset and you weren’t even answering, and I don’t wanna talk to Mom and Dad. I’m pretty sure they’re banging right now, anyway. And I’m here all alone!” 

She’s always been the best at guilt trips. No matter what, I always bend to her will because she’s my little sister and I don’t want her to feel bad. “Alright,” I say. “Do you want me to come over?” 

“Yeah,” she says. “And can you bring ice cream? My life sucks.” 

“Sure,” I say. “I’ll be there in a half hour. I’m just about to get on the red line.” 

I hang up and put my headphones on once I get situated on the train. I put my Taylor Swift playlist on shuffle and stare out the window, the sky growing dark now, until I feel my phone vibrate with a text. It’s a number I haven’t added, so I already know who it is. 

**RECEIVED** \- Thinking about me yet?

I can’t help the grin that sneaks onto my face. I don’t want to look like one of those girls smiling at their phones in public, but I can’t help how he makes me feel. I don’t know if I should be trying to help it, either. I can’t seem to do anything besides encourage him and play my part in the game, which means flirting back. 

**SENT** \- you ask that assuming I ever stopped….

**RECEIVED** \- Damn. You’re good.

**SENT** \- i know ;) 

I pick up ice cream for Ariel and end up at the house just when I said I would. I walk in to find it pretty silent - I can hear the TV playing in the master bedroom, though, and for that I’m glad. I don’t want to hear Mom and Dad having sex, even if I can’t blame them. They barely see each other, but still. They’re my parents and I don’t need to know about it. “Rel?” I call, even though I already know she’s in her room brooding.

“It’s unlocked,” she says from behind her door down the hall. I peek my head in to find her on the bed, turned away to face the window. “Took you long enough,” she mutters. 

“Hey to you too, ungrateful,” I say, plopping down on the mattress. “Here. Got your two favorite men - Ben and Jerry.” 

She rolls over and I see that her cheeks are stained with tears, which tugs at my heartstrings. I hate seeing her cry. It reminds me of when we were kids and she’d fall and hurt herself, and I would feel so bad that I’d pinch myself until I hurt, too. I guess I’ve always been a bleeding heart. “Thanks,” she says, picking up the container. She meets my eyes after peeling the lid open, then takes the spoon from me. “It’s melty. You took forever.” 

“Geez, Rel,” I say, frowning. “I get being upset, but I’m here now. I don’t know what more I can do for you.” 

She glowers; the same glower she’s always had. She’s only gotten better at the expression with age. “You were with a guy, weren’t you?” she asks. 

“Yeah, and?” I say defensively. I feel how wide my eyes are, so I try to calm my features. I’m not sure it works. 

“And…?” she says, jutting her chin forward. “You always put work before me. Before your friends. Before freaking dance, which is why you have to do the cam job in the first place.”

“I don’t  _ have _ to do anything,” I say. “I choose to do it.” 

“And you choose to put everyone else second to it,” she murmurs, looking down at the ice cream. “Yeah, I get it.” 

“No, you really don’t,” I say. “I’m here now. I’m literally right here, looking at you and waiting for you to talk to me so I can be your shoulder to cry on like always. I’m here for you, Rel! What more do you want?”

“I wanted you to answer my texts,” she says. “And you left me on read for hours while I was dying.” 

“I was busy!” I say.

“Yeah. With a client,” she says.

“Don’t say - no, it wasn’t like that,” I say, huffing. 

“What do you mean?” she asks. “You weren’t with a guy who watches you?”

“I mean, yes,” I say. “But he’s not like… it’s just different, okay? You wouldn’t get it.” 

“Try me.” 

“I’m allowed to have a life, Ariel,” I growl. “I don’t have to justify everything to you.” 

“I’m just asking,” she says. 

“No, you’re not,” I say. “You just want something to be mad at ‘cause you’re pissed at me.” 

“Why am I not allowed to be pissed? I needed you and you were on a date with some random old man!”

“He was not - oh, my god,” I say, rubbing my temples. 

“He wasn’t what?”

“He’s not an old man!” I burst. “You really think you know everything, don’t you?” 

“No,” she says simply. 

“Whatever,” I say. “God forbid I actually go on a nice date without being shamed for it.” 

“Who’s shaming you?”

“You are!” 

“I am not!” she retorts. “And what do you mean, date?” 

I realize that I’m not going to find a way around telling her. Maybe it’ll be better in the long run if she knows, even if things don’t end up working out with Jackson. And knowing how this business works, they probably won’t. But she won’t get off my back unless I spill, that’s obvious. “He’s more than a cam guy,” I say.

“You said he was a viewer,” she replies.

“I mean, he is,” I say. “But it’s more than that. He’s young, he’s attractive, he’s really kind… I don’t know, it just feels different.”

“How different can he really be if he was watching your channel?”

“Wow, thanks,” I say sarcastically. “That makes me feel great.” 

“What! I’m just saying,” she says. “Isn’t it usually a specific kind of guy?” 

“Yes, and what I’m saying is that he doesn’t feel like that.” 

“Well, be careful,” she says, giving me a look. “It scares me how you think going out with these guys is safe, ‘cause it’s really not. He could be a catfish.” 

“I just saw him in person,” I say. “He’s not.” 

“Not like that,” she says. “Like… personality-wise. You don’t know what he really wants.” 

“You don’t, either!” I say. “You don’t know him, and I-” 

“And you do?” she finishes. “After your videos got him off and after one date?” 

“Shut up,” I say harshly. “You are such a child.” 

“You act younger than me!” she argues.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore,” I say, trying to cool down. “I came here ‘cause of what happened with Joey. I don’t wanna talk about Jackson.” 

“You know his real name, too?” she asks. “I didn’t think you used anything but their screen names.” 

“I told you, it’s different,” I say, jaw tight. She shakes her head and sighs like she’s so wise and sees more than I can. “What?” I prompt. 

“Nothing,” she says. “Whatever.”

We spend a while in tense silence as Ariel picks at the ice cream and I look everywhere in the room but where she sits. I intertwine my fingers and crack my knuckles to relieve some of the pressure, but anger still toils in my gut. I ignore it, though. There’s nothing to be done. After a good fifteen minutes have gone by, I break the silence by saying, “So… I’m sorry about what Joey did. It sucks.” 

“He’s a piece of shit,” she grumbles, stabbing the spoon into the middle of the ice cream container. “Literally a piece of shit.”

“Fuck him,” I say, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, legs folded in front of me. 

“Yeah,” she says. “Seriously.”

Those are all the words we exchange. After a bit more time passes, she turns on a rerun of Law & Order: SVU and we both fall asleep with the lights on. I don’t know how long we’re out, but I’m disoriented when I’m woken up by the sound of my phone buzzing next to my head. I pick it up with bleary eyes and squint at the screen to see that Jackson is texting me, his number so new that I notice I forgot to add him as a contact. 

**RECEIVED - Hey beautiful, you around?**

I blink hard and sit halfway up, supported by an elbow. I look over my shoulder to my sister, who’s flat on her back, mouth wide open, dead to the world. Satisfied, I turn back around and start typing.

**SENT -** yeah :) 

**RECEIVED -** How’s your night? 

**SENT -** you mean the three hours since our date? Lmao. it’s good. Just hanging out. Accidentally fell asleep, oops. 

**RECEIVED -** I didn’t wake you, did I? 

**SENT -** yeah… you kinda did. But i dont mind :) 

**RECEIVED -** As long as you don’t mind. 

**SENT -** no. i wanna talk to you, Handsome :) 

**RECEIVED -** Should I call you? 

My eyes widen as I look at the screen and my heart jumps in my chest. I swallow hard, thumbs jamming before typing as quickly as I can.

**SENT -** no, but… can we text? ;)

**RECEIVED -** You mean like…

**SENT -** do I need to spell it out? You’re smarter than that :P 

**RECEIVED -** Haha, okay. You’re right. I’m just out of practice, I guess. What are you wearing?

I laugh to myself and shake my head. He really is rusty, but I can’t judge him too hard. I just happen to do this a lot. But usually, I’m nowhere near as invested in the conversation. It’s more about me getting the other person off and no attention gets paid to me. I have a feeling this occurrence won’t be like that. 

**SENT -** maybe nothing. Maybe something…. Really tiny :)

**RECEIVED -** What color?

I’m still in the sundress from earlier, but I honestly don’t remember what color underwear I have on. I lift the skirt to check, finding them satin and navy blue. 

**SENT -** a little pair of satin panties… 

**RECEIVED -** Can I see? 

My core is already buzzing. I should be desensitized to this by now, but with him I’m not. I’m going crazy over the fact that he wants to see; he wants a picture because I make him horny. It’s stupid to get worked up over, because  _ obviously _ I make him horny - he watches my shows. But I never said it made any sense to be excited. 

**SENT -** of course. One second pls :)

Carefully, I turn the bedside lamp off and leave Ariel alone in her bed with various snack wrappers discarded around her. She’s always been a heavy sleeper, so she doesn’t so much as stir when I get up and head towards the bathroom down the hall. Once I’m in, I turn on the low light and lock the door, sitting against the far wall. After I’m situated, I pull my dress off over my head and take a picture of my underwear on my body, knees pressed together. 

**SENT -** just for you :) 

**RECEIVED -** Shit. Those are tiny. 

**SENT -** what are YOU wearing, handsome?

I bite my lower lip and watch the typing bubble come up, anxious to see how he’ll respond. I can barely sit still and cool tile under my legs isn’t doing anything to calm my nerves. Without a bra on, my nipples strain against the air, reacting to the arousal flooding through my body. 

**RECEIVED -** Would you believe me if I said nothing?

**SENT -** only if you send proof ;)

I wait a few moments before a photo attachment comes through. In it, he didn’t bother to cut his face out of the image as most men do. Instead, he put his whole body on display. His very naked, built body - and he’s packing. I’ve seen a lot of pathetic dicks and a lot of mediocre ones, but his doesn’t fall anywhere near those categories. His is the closest thing to perfection I’ve ever come across. It takes me a minute to collect my thoughts and think of a way to respond like Caroline would. It’s natural to respond with shock as April, but Caroline wouldn’t. 

**SENT -** all i need now is for you to put it inside me

**RECEIVED -** You want that, beautiful? 

**SENT -** yes please, handsome ;) you aren’t gonna make me beg for it, are you?

**RECEIVED -** No, I would never do that. I’d give it to you because you deserve it, you deserve to feel good, beautiful girl. And I’m gonna make you feel so, so good.

**SENT -** I know you are :) but I’m gonna tell you what I’m gonna do first. 

**RECEIVED -** Tell me.

**SENT -** I’d get on my knees in front of you, naked and dripping in oil just how you like. Can you see it dripping over my shoulders, down over my nipples and into my bellybutton? You can put it on my back and watch it on the curve of my spine, over my ass cheeks…

**RECEIVED -** Fuck yes. 

**SENT -** and I’d suck you off so good you wouldn’t even remember your name. I’d figure out just what you like, baby, taking it as far as I could until you hit the back of my throat. I’d open up for you and let you fuck my mouth, squeezing your balls and looking up at you… I just wanna do a good job for you, Handsome.

**RECEIVED -** Fuck, Caroline. 

**SENT -** I’d let you cum all down my throat and swallow it all. Every last bit, and keep you in my mouth until you were spent. And after, I’d kiss every inch of you and let you know how much I loved it. 

**RECEIVED -** Jesus Christ. 

**RECEIVED -** Show me your panties. 

He already knows what’s going on and I have no idea how. I’m wet and there’s a soaked patch between my legs, and I make sure to get a good shot of it before pressing send. 

**SENT -** that’s what you do to me…

**RECEIVED -** I would do so much more.

**SENT -** oh yeah? 

**RECEIVED -** I’d eat you out through the underwear first. Flat on your back, legs spread as far as they’d go. My tongue so warm and wet on your lips, baby, I can almost taste you. 

I rub my lips through the fabric of my underwear, going slow as I watch him continue to type. I want this to build. I want to make myself wait because the end result will be worth it. 

**RECEIVED -** I’d get you close before I ripped those panties off and had my way with you. I’d turn you over onto all fours and press you onto your elbows, that beautiful ass up in the air all ready for me. Fuck, you’d look so delicious. 

I slip a hand inside my underwear now and tease myself, going a little further while circling my first two fingers around my clit. I make a small sound and press my mouth shut afterwards, closing my eyes as I inhale deeply through my nose. I only open them to read his next text. 

**RECEIVED -** I’d push my cock inside you until it was buried all the way, filling that tight, sweet little pussy. I’d love the sound it makes when I fuck you, all wet and delicious, I just wanna fucking eat you up. I’d fuck you until you couldn’t breathe, until your knees and elbows wobbled and you couldn’t hold yourself up anymore. But then I’d get you on your stomach and go nice and slow, make sure to hit that spot deep inside you, and feel your body do its thing while you came. Our juices mixing together dripping down your thighs - I’d lick up everything before you even caught your breath. 

“Fuck!” I exclaim aloud, then throw one hand over my mouth as the other busies itself between my legs. I work my fingers in fast, rapid circles until I come with a twitchy jerk, doubling forward with my mouth wide open. I hold my breath for a long moment until it all comes rushing back, chest expanding as I let out a long, relieved moan. “Shit,” I sigh. 

**SENT -** I just had… the best orgasm. 

**RECEIVED -** Same here. Christ. 

There’s a few minutes of silence where I’m not sure what to say. Usually, this is the time where the conversation would end with a normal cam guy, but that isn’t the case here. Currently, I have that app turned on Do Not Disturb and have ever since mine and Jackson’s date. It just occurred to me that I never switched it off. 

**SENT -** don’t tip, okay?

**RECEIVED -** Are you sure? I mean, you got me off. 

**SENT -** just don’t.

**RECEIVED -** I feel like I’m taking advantage of you in some way. 

That’s a blow to the gut. It makes me feel like he doesn’t see what we’re doing as something equal, he still sees it as a service. I don’t know why, but it makes a bitter taste appear on my tongue. 

**SENT -** I mean, tip if you want.

I don’t know why I said that. I don’t want him to tip, but I feel more exposed now than ever and it has nothing to do that I’m sitting on the bathroom floor in only a pair of damp underwear. 

**RECEIVED -** I’m getting mixed messages here... I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Don’t you want the money?

**SENT -** if you wanna pay me, it’s cool. But i didn’t talk to you for the money Jackson. I didn’t jerk you off for a freaking tip. I did it because I wanted to

I don’t know why I said all that, or why I used his name in that context. It’s not like me and it’s definitely not something I should be doing. I’m going too far. I’m pushing it. 

**RECEIVED -** Don’t you do this with everyone? Why would it be okay for me not to pay you? 

I clench my jaw and shake my head roughly. I should’ve known. This is nothing special to him and I’ve been acting like an idiot, just like I thought. I’m so embarrassed.

**SENT -** just send the money then. Thanks. Im going to bed. 

I get up, take a quick shower, and don’t bother looking at my phone after that. I’m too pissed. Instead, I throw it on the bed and get back in, joining Ariel who hasn’t even moved. Surprisingly, even though my brain is spinning, I fall asleep within seconds. 

…

The next morning, I wake up the sound of laughter beside me. It’s not loud, but it’s insistent like that of someone trying to keep their giggles at bay. It’s annoying over anything, and I know it’s Ariel. For a moment, I don’t remember why I’m in such a bad mood, but when the memory comes back, I wish it hadn’t. Now, I’m even more pissed. 

“Shut up,” I grumble, smacking the mattress while aiming for my sister. “I’m trying to sleep.” The laughing doesn’t stop, though. At least, not for more than a second. She keeps snorting and making stupid noises in her throat, so I have no choice but to open my eyes and find out what’s so hilarious. When I do, I see that she has a phone in her hand. Upon further inspection, I see that it’s  _ my _ phone. I sit up instantly, hurtling across the bed to grab it from her. “What the fuck?” I sputter. “Give it! You bitch, give that to me. What are you doing, going through my phone?” 

“God!” she exclaims, falling backwards as I’ve tackled her. 

I don’t know what I’m looking for, but my eyes are wild on the screen as I try to see what she was seeing. The first thought that comes to my mind is, of course, Jackson. “Did you send something?” I interrogate. “Did you send him something?”

“No,” she says, still trying not to laugh. “But you sure did, you slut!” 

Her tone is joking and there’s a big smile on her face, it’s clear she expects me to laugh. But that’s the furthest thing from what I want to do. Instead, a pit grows in my stomach and expands, making me think I might be sick. My lips tighten and I don’t know what to say. I hate that she saw everything that transpired between me and Jackson, I hate that she went through my phone in the first place. And most of all, I hate that a word like that would come out of her mouth directed towards me. 

“Fuck you,” I say before hastily standing up from the bed. 

As I gather my purse and shoes, she tries to win me back. “Bunny, stop. Bunny, I was joking! Come on!” 

“No,” I say, shaking her hand off my shoulder. “Get the fuck off me. I’m leaving.” She puts her hand right back, though, until I jolt it away “I’m leaving, I said!” I shout, letting my voice rise. 

“Holy shit, calm  _ down _ ,” she says. 

“Don’t touch me,” I say, stomping down the hallway after putting my shoes on. She’s still following, and Mom and Dad are sitting at the kitchen table staring. 

“April?” 

“Sorry, can’t stay,” I growl tersely. 

“What’s going on?” Dad asks innocently.

“I just have to go,” I say, and now I really do because I’m on the verge of tears. And I don’t want to cry, because that would involve them asking me what’s wrong - and that would only bode for a made-up story that I would have to fabricate on the spot. None of that sounds ideal. I need to get out of here. 

“Bunny-” Ariel starts, but I cut her off as we’re both near the door, out of earshot of our parents. 

“No. Don’t,” I say sternly. “And don’t call me, either. I don’t want to talk to you.” 

With that, I turn my back and walk down the front path towards my car. I don’t make eye contact with her as I back out of the driveway, though she’s still standing there watching me go. 

When I get home, I can’t stop crying. I stumble in the house a giant mess, upset with seemingly everything in my life. I throw my belongings onto the floor and sink down with them, covering my face with my hands as I lean forward onto my knees. 

I was stupid for putting feelings into the relationship that Jackson and I have. It never called for feelings. He never saw it like that, and I made myself look like some stupid, desperate girl. That is not me. And to make matters worse, Ariel not only saw the explicit pictures and messages I sent, but she saw me get shot down, too. I’ve never been so mortified. 

So, I let myself cry. I let it all out on the floor, lying on my side like the true pathetic heap that I am. When I’m done, I’m exhausted but also rejuvenated - angry, too. Jackson led me on. Ariel betrayed me. The only person I can count on is myself, as usual. 

I need to do something to get my frustrations out and to get my mind on something else, but dancing is out of the question. It takes too much focus that I don’t have, even if I shouldn’t take a day off. My only other option is to go live, which seems about right. It’s been a couple days since I did a solo show, and I could stand to make some extra money. 

I get into costume hastily, making sure that I look like Caroline without putting in all of the work. I don’t know what I have planned for today, but I’m sure I’ll think of something. Sometimes, I just wing it and that ends up being better than having something set in stone. 

**Welcome to your session, xxxCaroline. Go Live now?**

As usual, I click the ‘Yes’ button and watch the screen come to life with my image reflected back at me. After that, the viewers come pouring in once they get the notification that I’ve gone live. “Hi, boys,” I say. “Long time, no see.” 

**Bigboi12: We missed you, sweet thing**

**UrDaddy420: There’s daddy’s little girl**

**Peterpiperpecker: hey pretty pretty**

I smile to myself. They’re so easy. “I was just bored, hanging around the house today…” I say, twirling the end of a pigtail around my pointer finger. “I wasn’t sure what I should do. So, I thought you guys might have some ideas.” 

More viewers come flooding in, more and more by the minute. I keep talking to them, subconsciously waiting for him, but I can’t wait forever. Jackson’s screen name doesn’t join them, and I find myself agitated because of it.

**Kenny69: show us a real up close of ur pussy**

**Papabear: did you shave, pretty?**

“No,” I say. “I keep it natural, you guys know that. I thought it was what you liked best about me.” I stick out my lower lip. “I’m not wrong, am I?” 

**Bigdick_9: oh no, sweetheart. We love you natural. Those curls… mmm mmm**

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: Show us that pink little pussy, baby. We missed you so much.**

“Okay,” I say, giggling. “You guys just wanna look at it? Really close?” 

**FarmerJon: yesssss fuck**

“You’re so silly,” I say, slowly slipping my skirt off along with my underwear. I bring the camera closer, the handheld one, and position it on the floor. The monitor gets a whole new view now, one right between my legs as I sit down and get situated. I bend my knees and spread them, giving the guys a perfect shot inside my body. 

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: Get the camera closer, sweet girl. We wanna see every little detail.**

“I guess you’re lucky my camera is HD,” I say lightly. “Okay, hold on.”

I move it closer and more views come in. I scour the list for Jackson, but he still doesn’t show. It’s taking me out of the performance, thinking about him so much. 

**Bigboi12 TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**Bigboi12: clench for us, pretty**

I push my knees further apart with a hand capped over both of them, then tighten my inner muscles for the camera. The tips flood in when I do, which nearly makes me roll my eyes. It’s almost like robbing them. 

**Papabear: Just like that. You look so beautiful baby, so pink and perfect**

**Kenny69: we saw the pink now show us ur asshole!!!!**

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 1000 COINS**

**Peterpiperpecker TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**Camguy11 TIPPED YOU 400 COINS**

**2horny4u: lol pretty sure every one of us wants to see your pretty little asshole, carebear**

I take a deep breath, prepared to do it, but find myself so distracted that I forget what I should say halfway through my inhale. The character drops for a split second and I have no idea what I’m doing, spread eagle for strangers on the internet. I shake my head to clear it, scared of the dissociative moment, then look to the feed. He’s still not there. I don’t want to do this if I can’t stop thinking about him. 

“Sorry, guys,” I say. “I hear Daddy calling me. I’m gonna be in such big trouble!” 

I see a few of them typing responses, but I don’t wait until they show up to turn the live feed off and strip the rest of my outfit. I pull on a robe that hangs on the back of the door and undo my hair haphazardly, frowning the whole way. I want to text Jackson, but I have no clue what I’d say without sounding clingy. I’m just a cam girl to him. Why should I have the opportunity to contact him? Why did he give me his number, anyway?

Rolling my eyes to myself, my phone lights up with CamGirl App notifications as I walk down the hall. 

**UrDaddy420 SENT YOU A MESSAGE! (3)**

**BigBoi12 SENT YOU A MESSAGE!**

**Camguy11 SENT YOU A MESSAGE!**

**2sitonmyfacee SENT YOU A MESSAGE (4)**

“No,” I say aloud. I don’t want to read their messages right now because I already know what they say. They’re pissed that I took their money and ended the stream without an orgasm. They have the right to be angry, but there’s nothing I can do to fix it at the moment. So, they can stay mad. 

I take a shower in scalding hot water after turning the app back to Do Not Disturb. When I get out, my body is clean and steaming, and I feel better when I wrap myself in a towel and head to my real bedroom. When I get there, I see that I have a two texts - one from Ariel and one from Jackson. I ignore my sister’s and open his. 

**RECEIVED -** Can we talk?

I stare at those three words for a long time, sitting on the edge of my bed with dripping skin. With my thumbs poised over the keyboard, I want to chew him out. I want to block him and ignore his existence. I want to send the middle finger emoji and nothing else. But, since I’m weak and a slave to my heart, I don’t do any of those things. 

**SENT -** Sure, whatever. 

Instead of texting back, he calls. My phone lights up with his contact and I watch it ring, wondering if I should let it go to voicemail. I’m not that petty, though, and I stupidly miss hearing his voice. So, I answer. “Hey.” 

“Hi,” he says, and there’s something in his tone that I can’t quite place. Is it regret? Caution? Hesitation? I have no idea. “It’s Jackson.”

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Oh,” he says. “Sorry. I just wasn’t sure if you had my number saved.”

“I do,” I say, then wrinkle my eyebrows. “And we were literally just texting.” 

“Right,” he says. “I saw you went live a little bit ago.” 

“Yeah.” 

“How’d that go?” 

“Fine,” I say. “Not like you saw.” 

“You noticed?”

I close my eyes and roll them. I shouldn’t have said that. “It’s whatever. Yeah, I noticed,” I say. 

“Look,” he says. “Let’s just get to the point. Why are you pissed at me?” 

“Seriously?” I say, raising my eyebrows. 

“Yeah, seriously,” he says. “I thought we had a nice time last night. Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep? Did I misread the situation - is that not what you wanted?” 

“Oh, my god,” I say, rolling my eyes again. 

“No, don’t ‘oh, my god’ me,” he says. “Tell me what’s going on. Because I’ll be honest, I have no fucking clue. One minute you were fine, then the next you were giving me the cold shoulder.” 

“Um, yeah!” I exclaim. “Because you tried to pay me.” 

“What?” he retorts. “Wait, what? You’re mad because I wanted to tip you?” 

“Yes!” I answer.

“I’m sorry, I really don’t understand what’s going on,” he says. “Why would you be angry over getting paid? For something that you did for me?” 

“Because I… ugh!” I say, throwing my head back. “Because! It wasn’t like that. Okay? Or I thought it wasn’t like that.” For the first time, I realize I’m not in character at all. He hasn’t said anything or brought it up, which is strange. “It was like, just me and you. Getting each other off. Like… me and you. Not you paying me to do it for you. It was a reciprocal thing that we both wanted. And when you tried to add money to it, I don’t know. It made me feel cheap. It made me feel like you were just using my service and there was nothing else to it.”

“And you… you want there to be something else?” he says. 

I let out a long exhale, realizing how stupid I am. I’m going to have to block him after this. “Yeah,” I say. “Okay? Yeah. I’m an idiot. I realize now that I was totally off base, but that’s where my head was. So, this can just be over now, okay? It’s embarrassing enough, we can just forget it ever happened. It’s whatever.”

“It’s not whatever,” he says. 

“I don’t need a lecture from you,” I say. “I’m an adult. I know-”

“I know you are,” he says. “Believe me, I know.”

“Then what are you saying?” I spit. 

He chuckles softly and I can picture his smile. I hate that I can. “I wanted to pay you because I felt guilty,” he says. “For enjoying it so much, what you did for me. You make me feel… so many things that I haven’t felt in so long. And I assumed… it’s your job. You do it to make money, and by paying you I was lessening the guilt I felt. I never assumed you were invested, too, that you want something more out of it, too.”

“Well, I do,” I say petulantly. “So…” 

“So…” he mirrors, and I hear him smile this time. I hate him.

“So, what now?” I say. 

“So, come over,” he says smoothly.

…

An hour later, I’m standing in Jackson’s doorway wondering how I got to this point. My stomach is alive with nerves and my hands are shaking - I have an outfit on that’s toeing the line between myself and Caroline, and I’m almost too jittery to put my hair into the classic pigtails. I’m in the middle of doing so when he answers the door and floods the porch with light.

“Hey,” he says, grinning. “You don’t have to do that, put your hair up. If you don’t want to.” 

“Oh,” I say, then pull the one hair tie out that I had gotten in. “Okay.” 

Then, he turns to the side and opens up his home for me. “Come in,” he says. 

I only hesitate for a moment. Then, I take a step forward and do as he suggested. I go in. 


	5. Chapter 5

Jackson’s house is beautiful. Not in an ostentatious way, with intricate rugs and family heirlooms that look like they could break with an errant breath. Not in a modern way, either, with couches no one actually sits on and wall-to-wall windows. His house is a home. It’s put together and cohesive in a way that mine isn’t. Though mine is nice, I don’t have the time or dedication to make it look as nice as this does. He lives here and the space shows it. 

“Make yourself at home,” he says, and I can tell he’s nervous. It’s not that he’s shaking or fumbling over his words, but he’s holding himself differently. A bit more diminished than usual. I wonder if as much can be said about me. 

“I love your place,” I say, stepping out of my shoes and taking a few steps forward in my tights. The floor isn’t cold, it’s warm and inviting. But still, my palms are clammy and that gives my anxiousness away. I can’t help but wonder if this whole thing was a mistake. Maybe Ariel was right - maybe I don’t know Jackson’s real intentions. Was it completely stupid to come here tonight? Am I about to get murdered? 

But as I look to him and his darting eyes, he’s chewing his lip and watching me with the same caution I feel in my gut. “This wasn’t a huge mistake, was it?” he asks hesitantly. 

I’m instantly relieved, my chest growing lighter. “I was thinking the same thing,” I admit.

“You don’t have a secret plan to kill me, do you?” he asks. He laughs, but behind every joke is a bit of truth. 

“You really think I could?” I counter, doing a sweep down my body with both hands.

“With the right knowledge and a weapon, definitely,” he says. “And the fact that you didn’t answer the question is scaring me, you should know, so maybe you should answer?” 

I burst out laughing, doubled over with my mouth wide open. “Oh my god, no!” I exclaim. “I’m not here to kill you, I promise.” I shoot him a look. “Are you planning on murdering me?” 

“No,” he says. “Furthest thing from my mind.” 

“Good,” I say. “Because I actually know self-defense. I’ve taken plenty of classes. I could hurt you if you came at me.” 

“So what was that undercutting about a second ago?” he teases.

“That’s the trick,” I say, chuckling. “Make myself seem all weak and innocent.” 

“Then you pull out your chloroform rag on me, right?” he says, smirking and shaking his head.

“Exactly,” I say. 

He leads me a little further into the house. “Good to know. Can I get you a drink?” he asks.

“Um… water would be good,” I say, suddenly forgetting every other drink that exists. I feel like such an idiot. I’m an adult; my mind shouldn’t go blank around a guy. But it is - I can’t help it. It’s like experiencing my first crush all over again.

“Coming up,” he says. “Make yourself at home, really. That couch is pretty comfortable.” 

While I sit and wait for him to bring my water, I look at the picture frames on the end table to my right. I see a little boy dressed in graduation robes that looks so much like Jackson that it has to be his son. He’s posing with an older white man, and I have no clue who he is. After checking to see if Jackson is coming back, I pick up the frame to examine it further and can’t make heads or tails of the two males smiling back at me. I’m studying so hard that it’s still in my hand when he comes back in. “Oh,” I say, face heating instantly as I feel guilty for snooping. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” he says lightly, setting the water glass on a coaster. 

I let my eyebrows furrow. I have to ask. “Um… so, you have a son then?” I say. 

He looks at me with confusion written all over his face. “What?” he says. 

I motion to the frame. “The little boy,” I say. “He looks so much like you.” 

“Oh!” he says, then smiles widely. “Well, that is me. Kindergarten graduation with my dad.”

“Oh…” I say, feeling so stupid. “Your dad?”

“Is white, yes,” he says.

“I didn’t mean it like…” I say, but realize that I sort of did mean it like that. “I’m sorry. Wow, that was shitty of me to assume.” 

“Not shitty,” he says. “But yeah, he raised me on his own. Never knew my mom. If you saw the two of us together, you’d know. We’re close. But at a first glance, yeah. We get that a lot.” 

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay, though.” 

“No, of course it’s not okay,” he says. “He’s my old man. Family is family. But I barely know you, and it was an honest mistake.” 

“I am sorry,” I say. 

“No need,” he says. “I could get into it real deep with you, about what it was like to be a black boy raised by a white dad, but I won’t. Not until the fifth date, at the very least.”

I smirk to myself, cheeks glowing again. So, he wants there to be a fifth date. “I’d like to hear about it,” I say. “On our fifth date.” 

“I’ll have to remember that,” he says, then crosses one leg towards me. He has a glass of water, too, which I strangely appreciate. He seems like the type of guy to enjoy beer, and the fact that he’s abstaining because I am makes a warm feeling appear in my chest. He’s a gentleman. “So, you were talking about self defense.” 

I take a big sip and raise my eyebrows, setting my glass down after. “Yeah!” I say, a little too enthusiastically. “I know a bit about it.”

“I’d be interested to learn,” he says. 

“You could always take a class,” I say. “A lot of people know more than me. But I mean, I live alone and my mom would not get off my back about staying safe. So, I first took the class to shut her up but it gave me real peace of mind, too. Like, if someone broke into my house, I could do some real harm.” 

“What, with conceal and carry?” he says.

“No,” I say, frowning deeply. “No guns.” 

A calm expression washes over his face. “Oh, good,” he says. “Me, neither.” 

“No. But I can use my body, which is pretty much a weapon in itself. Like, I know how to knock someone unconscious - and it’s not how most people think, by cutting off the air supply. You actually have to cut off the blood supply to the brain.” 

“Good to know.” 

“And I could get someone of any size off of me in a fight,” I say. “It’s all in the way you position your body.” I look him up and down. “I could get you off of me.” It’s underhanded, I’ll admit. I’m offering this up - that I’m capable of getting him off of me - because I want him  _ on _ me.

“Seriously?” he says. 

“Yeah,” I say, feeling confident now. “Wanna try?” 

“I mean, sure,” he says. “If you want.”

“Yeah,” I say, then smile to myself as I turn around and get up off the couch. I lie on the floor with my knees bent and he hovers over me, still on his feet while looking down. “Come here,” I say. “Sit on my stomach.” 

“Wait,” he says. “I’m gonna crush you.” 

“You won’t,” I say, then work up the courage to continue. “Or maybe I want you to.” 

His eyes flash as he lowers to his knees, then lifts one to straddle me. He moves slowly and I keep my arms above my head, watching him as he solidifies his stance overtop of me. With his weight pressing down on my body on this impossibly soft rug, there’s no place else I’d rather be. “Okay,” he says, eyes locked on mine. “Are you gonna knock me off?” 

“Well, that was the original plan…” I say, a lilt in my tone. “But now I don’t want you to go anywhere.” 

“Honestly, me neither,” he says, and at the same time I unbend my knees and he puts one of his legs between mine, holding himself up with one forearm while tracing my face with his free hand. “You’re gorgeous, you know that?” he says, and his voice is so soft and sweet that I nearly melt beneath him. 

“Kiss me,” I say, and it doesn’t take long for him to respond. He presses his lips to mine slowly, parting them a few seconds later as he inhales deeply. I bring one hand around and rest it on the back of his head, arching my back to get closer, and the tip of his tongue touches mine cautiously. I let it in as my eyelashes flutter, and lose myself in the way he tastes and how deliciously heavy his body is. 

“Jesus Christ,” he says, coming up for air. “You can kiss.” 

“You, too,” I breathe, and he laces our fingers together above my head. This is a feeling I’ve never experienced before - submitting myself to someone else - and I love it. I can’t remember the last time I made out with another person off-camera. It might have been in high school. But right now, I’m dying of thirst and he’s the oasis in the middle of the desert. I’m going to drink every last drop.

He kisses me like he knows what he’s doing. There’s passion behind his movements, but he’s not rough. He’s confident though, that’s for sure, and he never falters. When his mouth leaves mine and moves to the plane of my jaw, the dip of my neck, the indents between my collarbones, I lose all control. My heart speeds up tenfold and my breath comes quicker, and I know he can tell. I hear him chuckling against my skin. “You like that,” he murmurs. 

I take his hand and plant it firmly over my breast, and he follows suit by squeezing what I’ve given him. “Keep going,” I say, struggling to keep my eyes open as he sucks on my neck in various places. His lips are loud against my skin, but I don’t care. The unabashed, salacious sounds turn me on - and it turns me on how he’s not afraid to make them. 

“Mmm…” he moans, and I love the sound. He sucks on my earlobe and I swear I could come right now, without much help. I hold back, though, by squeezing his leg between my thighs and finding the sweet friction I’ve been looking for. 

He runs a hand up from my thigh to the dip in my waist, bringing my skirt along with it. “Wait,” I say, sitting up halfway to grip the fabric of my dress in both hands. I lift it over my head in one fluid motion and toss it to the side, then lie back down in just my bra and tights. My heart hammers throughout my whole body, spreading heat as it goes, and I’ve never wanted an orgasm more than I do right now.

It’s a strange and welcome feeling, the desire for climax without money attached. It’s a newfound phenomenon to get kissed and pleasured without looking at a screen every five seconds. Right now, it’s just me and Jackson. No viewers. No tips. No Caroline. 

No Caroline. Shit. 

“Wait,” I say again, this time for a different reason. I place my hands on his chest and he lifts up, staring at me with lips kissed swollen. 

“Yeah?” he responds, blinking hard. I can feel the start of an erection insisting against my inner thigh. 

“I… my name is April,” I say, looking him right in the eyes. “Not Caroline. She’s… I’m not a cam girl right now. I’m not Caroline right now. My real name… it’s April.” 

“Oh,” he says, and for a minute I think he’ll be mad at me. But his expression changes at the drop of a hat - suddenly, his face erupts in a beautiful smile. “April. I like that,” he says, then kisses me swiftly on the cheek. “It fits you.” 

“Thanks,” I say, smiling open-mouthed with my eyes closed. “I wanted you to know. Before we went any further.” 

He kisses down my chest, resting his nose against the hard plane between my breasts. As he stays put, I drag my fingernails over his closely-cropped hair and wonder what he’s thinking. He doesn’t leave me to wonder for long, though, because he speaks before much time can pass. “Do you want to go further?” he asks. “I didn’t invite you here just… just to fuck, or whatever. It wasn’t supposed to be a booty call. We just-” 

“We ended up on the floor,” I finish for him, then start laughing. “I didn’t think that was the only reason. I thought it was  _ a _ reason…” 

“I wanted to see you again,” he says, now lying with his head sideways on my chest. I continue to stroke him - this position almost feels more intimate than how we’d been kissing moments ago. “And I wanted you to know that I have feelings, too. In this.” 

“That’s good to know,” I say. “Because I’ve kinda been going crazy for you ever since you showed up.” 

He smiles and I hear a gust of air escape him. “Going crazy, huh?” 

“Yeah,” I say. “A little. Don’t get a big head about it.”

He lifts up and rests his hands under his chin, looking at me from an angle that I’m sure isn’t attractive. Usually, I’d care. On camera, I always make sure I look cute. But right now, I don’t make a move to shift or find my light or angle. I stay where I am, being who I am. “If you don’t wanna have sex tonight, by no means are we obligated to,” he says seriously. 

I wait a moment to answer. I trace both of his eyebrows with my pointer fingers and his eyes close halfway, soothed by the small touch. I come to realize that, no matter how big and brawny he may seem, he’s gentler than he lets on. I like that about him. “What if I want to?” I ask coyly, dragging my fingertip down the slope of his nose. 

“Then,” he says, taking my finger and kissing the pad. “Then… we should.”

Swiftly, he stands and lifts me up so easily that it steals the air from me. I’m in his arms, looking right into his grinning face with unbridled happiness flowing through me. I haven’t been this free in years. I wrap my arms tight around his neck to keep myself from falling, then throw my head back to laugh as he carries me up the stairs. He brings me to his bedroom, and I get a quick view of the bathroom before we make it there. “Oh my gosh,” I say. “Your tub is huge.” 

“Oh,” he says, noticing too. “Yeah. I barely ever use it.” 

My eyes widen. “If I had a tub like that, I’d use it every day.” 

He sets me on the bed and holds my jaw, then kisses my forehead. “I’ll run a bath for you after we’re finished,” he tells me.

“You will?” I ask, flopping onto my back as he pulls my tights off. 

“Mm-hmm,” he says, crawling over me once my legs are bare. 

I expected to be nervous, given that this is my first time having sex. But I’m so used to my sexuality and things of this nature that, even though this is my first time with a partner, it’s not intimidating. I’m enjoying myself too much to disappear inside my head with worry. I want to be present, right here with him. There’s no room for nerves to take me away. 

He strips his shirt and I get my hands on as much skin as I can, widening my fingers over his back while moaning into his mouth - I’ve never felt anything so luscious. “You’re amazing,” I murmur, lips moving against his as he lowers his weight onto me again. 

“That’s you,” he says, kissing my neck. When his teeth graze the spot, I flinch from how raw the skin is. He must have left hickeys before. “Oh. I’m sorry,” he says. 

“I like it,” I tell him with a slick grin. “You can bite me.”

“Well, shit,” he says, eyes doubling in size. He lowers his face again and starts with his lips, but I soon feel the ridges of his teeth. He goes slow at first, running them over my skin, before coming down hard on the space where my neck curves into my shoulder. I gasp and close my eyes, feeling every nerve in my body light up with arousal as he licks the spot to soothe me. “Was that okay?” he asks.

“More,” I whisper, clenching his body tight between my legs. 

He breathes hotly against my chest, moving lower to trace the swells of my breasts with his nose. He drops sweet kisses along my bra line, licking the tiny scallops of lace along the cups, then moves the fabric down to expose a straining nipple. “Mm,” he groans, then licks a circle around it before blowing cool air against me. 

“Fuck,” I whimper, hips jerking against him. When he sucks it into his mouth, I see stars. His tongue massages the bud in slow, calculated movements, and that hypnotizing feeling juxtaposed next to the sharp bite on the underside of my breast sends me reeling. “Jesus,” I sigh, wriggling out of my bra entirely once he unclips it. 

He leaves hickeys all over my breasts. Quite literally, all over them. Around my nipples, below them on the round undersides, and at the crests, too. I’m completely covered by the time he’s finished, and pulsing with desire. I need him between my legs right now. 

So, I shimmy out of my underwear and toss them to the side, realizing that he’s smiling only after I’m fully naked. “What?” I breathe. 

“You’re in such a rush,” he says, still smirking. 

I laugh at myself, rolling my eyes after. “Sorry,” I say, letting my thighs fall open. “I’m just super horny.” 

“You liked all that nipple play, huh?” he says, tweaking one with his thumb as if to emphasize his point. 

“Stop,” I say, whining a bit. It’s funny how there’s already a rapport between us. It really is like I’ve known him for years. I’ve never had this connection with another person before. “But yes.” 

He’s pleased with himself, that much is obvious. “I can tell,” he says, then runs his hands along my inner thighs. “Jesus, April, you’re beautiful.” 

He stands up and I roll onto my side to watch him. I was ready for more compliments and for him to take me to a new dimension, so I have no idea why he’s getting up. “Where are you going?” I ask. 

“Oh,” he says, turning around. “I’m just getting a condom.” 

“Oh,” I say, turning onto my back again. 

“Why,” he says. “Thought I was leaving you?” 

“You’re mean,” I say, giggling as he takes his pants off. He reaches in the drawer and pulls out a small box, something I’ve never actually seen outside of a convenience store. When he turns around to kick his pants out of the way, I reach out and smack his bare ass.

“Hey!” he says, laughing as he turns around. 

“Got you,” I say, and he climbs back on the bed and pins me down by the wrists. 

I smile widely, so big it feels like it might break my face. “Now who’s got who,” he says. 

“I’d flip you off, but I don’t want to hurt your ego,” I say, and he steals a kiss because of it. 

We get distracted, caught up in each other’s mouths, until he pulls away to breathe. “I’m clean, just so you know,” he says, then grabs for the foil packet. “But this is the safest way, in my opinion.” 

“Yeah,” I agree. “I’m clean, too.” Now would be the perfect time to tell him that I’m a virgin - that the only orgasms I’ve ever had were given by myself. But I don’t want to say it. I know how the moment will change once he knows. He’ll baby me, he’ll go slow, and he’ll be worried. I don’t want that. I want him to fuck me like he already has in mind to do - I can see it flickering behind his eyes. 

“Good,” he says, and rolls it onto himself. His penis is more impressive in person than it was in the photo he sent me, and that’s saying something. I never save dick pics, but that one got put directly into my camera roll. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” I say, and wait for the pain when he enters me. I wait for it like it’s lurking around the corner, waiting to surprise me in the midst of this amazing feeling, but it never comes. It doesn’t hurt at all. 

“You good?” he asks, looking steadily into my eyes. 

“Uh-huh,” I say, and wrap my legs around his waist as my arms loop around his neck. “Yeah, you feel amazing.” 

“You, too,” he says, grinning with the side of his mouth. When he kisses me, he starts to move his hips in a defined rhythm, going deeper with each thrust. I open my mouth eventually with his still connected, and we stay like that while his back arches and he hits a spot I’ve never touched on my own.

“Shit,” I breathe, and he opens his mouth on my chin and drags his teeth over the skin. Soon, he buries his face in my neck and makes a home there, one hand planted firm on my raw, hickey-covered breast as he claims my body. “God damn,” I moan, heels digging in to the backs of his thighs. 

I lose track of time while he’s inside me, but he comes first. His whole body tenses and jerks when it happens, and I want to soak up every minute. I’ve never experienced something like it before, so animalistic yet so human at the same time. I did that to him, I allowed him to experience that euphoria, and he gives me the best kiss yet once he comes down. He wastes no time, either. He ties the condom off and yanks my thighs apart, covering my heat with his mouth so voraciously that I can’t help but cry out. 

“Mm, April,” he murmurs, and the use of my real name lights a fire in my belly, a good one that I don’t think will go out anytime soon. “You taste so fucking good.” 

“Yeah?” I whimper, trembling from whatever he’s doing down there with his tongue. 

“God, yes,” he says, and his grip on my thighs is so strong that he leaves white finger-marks behind when he lifts one of those hands and flattens his fingers over my core, rubbing quick circles over my throbbing clit. 

My eyebrows knit together and my hips lift from the mattress, quaking as they do. “Shit!” I scream.

“You gonna come for me?” he prompts, kissing my outer lips while still working me with his hand. “Come on, April. Come on, baby.” 

“Fuck!” I exclaim, eyes pinched closed. I’m seeing stars. I’ve never felt like this before, not ever. “Jackson!” 

Shouting his name like an expletive, the tight coil that had been building for what feels like hours finally breaks with the force of a thousand orgasms. My whole body rattles and my hips jerk so hard that he has to hold them down, and without my realizing, he’s made me squirt all over my thighs and his mouth. Before I can catch my breath, though, he’s licking my skin and holding me just as close as before. 

“Fuck,” I breathe, chest heaving. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

He comes up to my belly, running his tongue over the liquid that somehow made its way up there. He closes his eyes and presses a slow kiss just below my belly button, asking “How does that bath sound?”

…

We get in the tub together, it’s not like we can resist. Once it’s full, he sits down and I climb onto his lap and face forward, elbows resting on his shoulders as our foreheads touch. He’s looking at me in a way I can’t describe, running his fingernails up and down my back while making such intimate eye contact that it feels like I’ve been stripped naked on a whole new level. He’s so vulnerable, his eyes say everything he’s thinking, and I’m feeling so much at once that all I want to do is consume him. 

“Can I ask you something?” he says, flattening his hands over my shoulder blades to pull me in for a languid kiss. 

“Anything,” I say, once we pull apart. 

He pauses for a moment, situating my body so there’s a bit more space between us. Whatever he’s about to say is making him nervous, that’s obvious. “You don’t… this isn’t something you do, right? With the guys who watch you?” 

All the color must drain from my face. I’m not angry, he has a right to ask, but I need to set him straight. “No,” I say. “Um…” 

“What?” he presses. 

“It’s not something I do,” I say evenly, hands on his sternum. “I let guys take me out on dates, but that’s it. Sometimes, I let them hold my hand. But that’s the extent of how much I let them touch me.” 

“Okay,” he says, settled. 

“But there is something I need to tell you,” I say, stomach toiling. 

“Alright…” 

I blink rapidly. “I… um, before tonight, I was a virgin. And I know I should’ve told you, but I just didn’t wanna ruin the moment. It’s not that I didn’t want you to know, but I… I didn’t know how to say it without it being weird or launching us into a big discussion, and I really wanted you to feel comfortable having sex with me. Because I’m really comfortable around sex, as you know, and I just… it was just that the timing was never right for me? And I was ready. I wanted it, I wanted it with you, and it was amazing.” I know I probably said too much. That’s something else I do when I get nervous. “I am sorry,” I say. “I wasn’t trying to be deceitful or anything, I promise. Are you upset?” 

He takes a moment to think, hands still ghosting over my back. “No,” he says. “But I wish you would’ve told me. I would’ve made your first time so much more special. It was… it was fast. It was rushed. I could’ve done better.”

“No,” I say, tracing his face. “It was more than amazing. I loved it.” 

“Did I hurt you?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. 

“Not at all,” I say. “I think, you know, since I’m so used to toys… yeah. And it  _ was _ special. I’ve never squirted before, not on camera or off. That was all you, baby.” 

His expression turns into something a little cocky. “Good to know,” he says, then kisses me. “You’re sure you wanted it to play out like that?” 

“Yes, Jackson,” I say. “I feel like I’ve said it a billion times, but I have feelings for you. So, I’m happy.” 

“Me, too,” he says, tipping his head back to look at me where I’m perched on his lap. He smiles slow at first until it takes over his whole face, then wraps his arms tight around my lower back and tips me forward. I kiss his mouth then rest my head on his chest, and he cradles me close so we fit together perfectly. 

As we sit in the tub together and talk, my phone goes off incessantly in the next room. It doesn’t stop, no matter how much time goes by, and it pisses me off after a while. “Hold on,” I say, standing up and out of the water. “I’m gonna go shut that off.” 

“You can get it,” he says. “I don’t care.” 

“I do,” I say, hurrying to find it. When I look at the screen, I see the CamGirl app lighting up with message requests from the guys, and I realize the Do Not Disturb time must have run out. I go back into Settings to reset it, then manually ignore the texts from my sister. I don’t want to talk to her for a much different reason; she’s still on my shit list. 

“Everything okay?” Jackson calls out. 

I bring my phone back into the bathroom out of habit, then set it on the counter. “Yeah, sorry,” I say, climbing back in. 

“Who was it?” 

I sigh and debate how much I should tell him. “My sister,” I say. “And... the guys on the app.” 

He frowns. “They blow you up that much?”

I nod and shrug. “I had Do Not Disturb on, but I think it wore off. I don’t know. It might have been old messages coming through, or the app is just being shitty. It glitches sometimes, messes up your settings. It doesn’t matter, though. I don’t care that they’re pissed.” 

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and studies my face, eyes roaming over every feature. “Why’re they pissed?” he asks. 

I blush a little. It’s weird talking about my cam life with him because now that he knows me as April, Caroline feels delegitimized. It almost feels like she doesn’t exist at all. She wouldn’t, in this sphere, if my phone would shut up. “Tonight, I went live for a few minutes. It didn’t go great,” I say. “I didn’t finish, and I usually always do. They pay for me to finish. And they paid, but…” I shrug and shake my head. “It was shitty. I’d be mad, too, if I were them. But I had other things on my mind.” 

“Me,” he says.

I poke his chest softly. “You…” I say.

“And your sister?” 

I shrug again. “That’s a whole different issue. She’s… she’s 18, so her attitude is a problem. Like, all the time.” 

“Like, all the time,” he mimics lightly.

“Shut up,” I say, smiling. “It is. She can be such a brat, and we fought earlier. She’s the only person who knows about what I do… you know, for a living. And she’s been on my ass about it, like, making fun of me in a way I really don’t think is funny.” I sigh. “I don’t know. It’ll blow over. I just can’t stand her right now.” 

“Siblings can be tricky like that,” he says. 

I scoff. “You’re telling me. Do you have any?” 

“No, but I’ve seen plenty of movies,” he says. 

I giggle. “You’re stupid,” I say. 

“So, how did you get into all this, anyway?” he asks, getting comfortable beneath me. “How does one become a successful cam girl?” 

“Why, you wanna take notes and start a channel?” I ask, teasing him. 

“Maybe.” 

I laugh and lean in, kissing his cheek because I can’t seem to stop touching him. He’s irresistible, like a magnet. “I don’t really know,” I say. “Well… I mean, I do. My family isn’t exactly well-off, and I wasn’t gonna be able to stay in the dance program if I didn’t make extra money. I was looking up how to make money quick and… I know there’s always gonna be an audience. I never realized it would make me as much money as it has, which is really good, but it’s a lot of work. The guys are entitled to a piece of me, that piece that I put out to the world, and I have to give it to them. They pay me. If I wanna keep dancing, it’s what I have to do.” 

“Do you even like doing it?” he asks.

“I’m good at it,” I say. “It’s not about liking it all the time. It’s a job, and it fits my schedule. It pays for school and my house and all my private lessons. So, yeah. I like it.” 

He lets the thought simmer in his mind as he plays with my hair, running his fingers through it. “So, you’re a dancer, huh?” he says. 

I smile a little. “Ballet,” I say. “My whole life.” 

“Damn.” 

“I have a solo in the spring showcase, too,” I say. 

“Double damn. I gotta see you sometime.” 

“You should…” I say, walking my fingers up his chest until they land on his chin. He opens his mouth and playfully bites them, sucking on the tips and I let him. “I’ll get you a ticket.” 

“I wanna see you practice, too,” he says, taking my fingers out of his mouth to hold my hand. 

“Maybe…” I say, nuzzling closer to his neck. “Maybe, I don’t know.” 

“Alright.” 

“So, what do you do?” I ask, drawing nonsense patterns with my fingernails on his chest. “I wanna hear about you now.” 

“Well, it’s boring,” he says. “I’m an optometrist. I own a practice downtown - Avery Eyecare. That’s me. Well, it’s technically my dad’s, but he’s retired now. So, if you’re ever in the market for some glasses…”

“I have perfect eyesight,” I say. 

“Of course you do,” he says, tapping my temple. “I’m also a volunteer firefighter on the side. When they need me, I help out.” 

I sit up and raise my eyebrows, saying, “Don’t just toss that in like it’s nothing,” I say. 

“What do you mean?” 

“That’s hot,” I say. 

“Quite literally.” 

I roll my eyes and say, “Oh, my god.”

“It’s hot, huh?” he says. “Should I put on the garb for you sometime?”

“Maybe I’ll let you rescue me,” I say, grinning. “Have you ever saved somebody’s life?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he says. “The volunteers don’t get to do a ton, but we do what we can.” 

“Exciting,” I say. “So… what’s a firefighter eye doctor like you doing searching for cam girls online?” 

He can’t meet my eyes after that and I wonder if I’ve gone too far with my ribbing. When he laughs, though, it breaks the tension - if only by a little. “I’ll be honest,” he says. “And I wasn’t totally honest before, because I was embarrassed. I like… cam girls. It’s not my first time watching them. It was my first time with you, then I stuck with you. I couldn’t stop watching you.” He takes a deep breath. “I get lonely here by myself. The last serious girlfriend I had was a few years ago, and I’ve been too busy for a relationship since. And watching cam girls… I don’t know. It makes my life feel a little less solitary.”

I blink hard for a few seconds, hearing him. “You aren’t just fulfilling some fantasy with me, are you?” I ask. “You like cam girls, and now you finally got one in bed?”

His eyes widen. “No, no,” he says, shaking his head. “No, not at all. I swear, that is the furthest thing from… no.”

“Good,” I say.

He tips my chin up so I’ll look at him. “April,” he says, and I buzz from hearing him use my real name again. “I felt something for you since the moment I laid eyes on you as Caroline. Even more now, as yourself. I promise, this is real.” 

I touch his face in the same way he’s touching mine, unable to believe that this isn’t a dream. “So, are we like, a thing now?” I ask. 

He laughs, chest bouncing as he does. “Yeah,” he says, then pokes me in the side to tease me. “We like, are.” 


	6. Chapter 6

I wake up with a start, jolted out of a nightmare I can’t remember. I’m propped halfway up on my elbows, staring into the half-light, chest heaving. With a start, I look to my right and see Jackson lying there shirtless, one arm lying over his bare stomach and the other resting in the spot I vacated. I must have been using it as a pillow; we fell asleep spooning last night. 

As I try to calm down, I lie on my side again to face him. As I move, he stirs and presses his lips together, eyebrows furrowing as he does, and I wonder what time it is. The sun is trying to come up; I can’t remember the last time I was awake this early. I have rehearsal later today, but that’s hours away. For now, I can stay here with him - my sleeping beauty of a man. 

It’s weird, knowing he’s mine now. I’m his girlfriend, he’s my boyfriend. The thought crosses my mind as I wonder how old is too old to use those labels? But I don’t let it stay. I’ve never been so excited to call someone my ‘boyfriend’ before. I’ve never wanted to announce it to the world as badly as I do with him. But instead of doing that, I rest my ear on his inner bicep and stroke the smooth slope of his nose with the tip of my finger. 

He inhales deeply, filling his chest with air. I watch his body rise and pull my hand back, knowing that I’ve woken him. “Mmm…” he grunts. 

I close my eyes and feign sleep as I’m sure he must check. I don’t want him to know I’m awake yet; it’s too early. I want to lay here for a bit longer and think about everything that happened. All that we did. I lost my virginity last night and I had no idea it would be this exciting. I feel a connection with him that I can’t explain. He has something of mine - an intimate experience - that no one else does. It’s a feeling that sends flutters through my veins. 

When his breathing deepens again, I reopen my eyes and smile to myself. I inch closer, tucking my head beneath his chin, and wind an arm around his waist. I’ve never been this close to someone with all these buzzing feelings involved. I’ve never wanted to get so impossibly close - where there’s not a single inch between our bodies. Right now, he’s taken over every one of my thoughts. I want to hug him as tightly as I can and not let go, but that would mean waking him up and probably scaring the shit out of him, so I refrain.

Instead, I wrap one leg around both of his and kiss his neck gently, sweetly. Just enough for me, not enough to bring him to the surface. I nuzzle my nose against his skin and in his sleep, he tightens his one arm around me and keeps me close. I smile and arch my back, pressing our bodies together, and feel his heartbeat reverberate against my own. 

I stay there in hopes of falling back to sleep, but just as I’m about to succumb, my phone vibrates from the nightstand. I frown and ignore it for the first few times, but it’s nonstop. I pick my head up and look over my shoulder, squinting through the purple light in the room to see what’s on the screen - seeing CamGirl notifications blowing up my phone. “Damn it,” I whisper, internally battling with myself over what to do. I can’t ignore it forever. It’s my job. Just because my very handsome new boyfriend is right here doesn’t mean that I can shirk my duties. Doing my job doesn’t mean I’m being less loyal to him. He’s asleep, anyway. I just need a few minutes. 

So, as slowly as I can, I untangle myself from him and slip out of bed. He shifts, though, wrinkles appearing on his forehead. “April…” he rasps, still half in a dream. “Where’re y’going?”

“I’ll be back,” I whisper, both hands on the mattress as I’m bent in half, nude. I lean further and drop a kiss to his lips, still slack with sleep. He’s gone again by the time I pull away. “Be back,” I say for good measure. 

I pull on his robe that I find hanging on the bathroom door and shut it behind me, turning the light onto its lowest setting. I sit in the empty tub and open the app, relief flooding through me as I get the notifications out of the way - and inadvertently, out of my headspace. I have messages leftover from yesterday when I cut the stream off, but new ones since then, too. I open one thread at a time, knowing I can’t do much more than that. I don’t bother reading the old ones - just the most recent. 

**UrDaddy420:** Call me when you get this. I’m still upset with you about yesterday, little girl. 

**UrDaddy420:** Daddy is very unhappy with you. 

**UrDaddy420:** I still love you very much. Just disappointed.

I take a deep breath and poise my thumbs over the keyboard in preparation to type. I let my eyes drift to the ceiling as I think of what to say - then finally come up with something. 

**xxxCaroline:** hi daddy xxxxxxxxxx im really sorry that i did that yesterday :( can u pls pls pls forgive your favorite girl? Pls? 

**UrDaddy420:** There’s my baby. So good to see you online. Where have you been?

**xxxCaroline:** getting in trouble :( he finally found out. I got spanked :( 

**UrDaddy420:** You deserve it. You know that, right? 

**xxxCaroline:** i know but :( 

**UrDaddy420:** Daddy will make it all better.

**xxxCaroline:** can i show u a picture? :) 

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 100 COINS**

**UrDaddy420:** Of course you can, baby. 

With part of my bottom lip between my teeth, I scroll through my camera roll until I come to some shots of my ass I took a few weeks ago. I’m wearing a schoolgirl uniform, skirt flipped up, bared and red from the paddle. I figured these pictures would come in handy. I send two of them his way. 

**xxxCaroline:** look what he did to me :( 

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**UrDaddy420:** He’s so mean to my little girl. I’d never treat you like that, baby

**xxxCaroline:** i know :) 

After he’s taken care of, I switch to another thread. 

**BigBoi12:** what the fuck! You cant do that to us! We paid for a show! 

**xxxCaroline:** im sorry biggie :( i got in big trouble from my daddy :( wanna see? Would that make it better? 

**BigBoi12:** there you are, damn. Yeah you better show me

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**BigBoi12:** I wanna see those pretty titties too

I send him the same two pictures I sent UrDaddy420, then one of my boobs, flat against my chest as I’m lying on the floor with my back arched, rib cage up. I made the room cold on purpose, so goosebumps are risen on the skin surrounding my hard nipples. 

**BigBoi12 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**BigBoi12:** fuck. You always know how to make me feel better. You really do 

I do much of the same for Camguy11, FarmerJon, Kenny69, and Papabear, but when I get to the last name in my list of messages, it strikes a chord of recognition. 

**2sitonmyfacee:** bitch you cant cut out like that. Fucking whore ripping us off and taking our money then signing off. Slut

**2sitonmyfacee:** i want my money back. Youre a waste of time. Trashy bitch

I blink hard and squint at the screen, wondering what the odd feeling I’m getting is. 

**xxxCaroline:** whats your problem? I know i had to sign off yesterday but that doesnt mean you can call me names. 

**2sitonmyfacee:** oh so now youre good enough to talk to us? Now that youre done getting railed, slut? 

My face flames instantly for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on. I shake my head and press the BLOCK button next to his username, which makes the message thread disappear. Once it does, my chest lightens immediately. “Asshole,” I mutter under my breath. 

“April?” I hear, Jackson’s voice sounding from behind the closed bathroom door. I’ve been in here for quite a while; the sun has risen by now. Watery light is coming in from the slatted blinds behind the bathtub. 

“You can come in,” I say, shutting off my phone. 

The door opens after that and he appears, bleary-eyed and mussy from being in bed. He squints against the light and blinks hard, finally focusing on me after a few seconds. “What’re you doing?” he asks. 

“Are you not a morning person?” I ask, laughter in my tone. 

He shakes his head, pressing his lips together. “Mm-mm,” he says, rubbing both hands down his face. “Woke up and you were gone. Everything okay?” 

“Yeah,” I say, standing up and leaving my phone behind. I wonder if he notices. It wouldn’t be a bad thing if he did; if he asked, I’d tell him. But if he doesn’t ask, I don’t see a reason to get into it. 

“Are you coming back to bed?” he asks, walking over to the toilet. He turns his back and pees while I’m standing in the doorway, and I can’t help but smile as my cheeks heat up. I wonder if he’s already that comfortable, or if he’s still delirious enough with sleep to use the bathroom in front of me. It’s not what I expected on the first morning, but it doesn’t bother me. 

He looks at me as he washes his hands, waiting for an answer. “Oh,” I say. “Yeah. I’ll come back.” 

“Alright,” he says, and swipes a hand along my lower back as he turns the light off and heads back into the bedroom. I follow suit, crawling in behind him, and he lifts the covers for me. “Your side is cold,” he says, pulling me in.

“I know,” I say. “I need your body heat. Let me steal it.” 

…

A few hours later, we wake up again and I shower to get ready for dance. I don’t have my tights and leotard at his place, so I’ll need to stop home before I head to the studio, but I’m having a hard time getting out the door. 

“You wanna come back here when you’re done?” Jackson asks, standing at the counter as he cuts up an apple. I have my arms wrapped around his waist from the side, looking up with admiration. I can’t seem to stop looking at him. I feel obsessed in the best way. 

“Yeah,” I say with a smile. “It might be late, though. Rehearsal is long.” 

“That’s alright.” 

“You gonna wait for me?”

“Wait for you?” he says, then picks up an apple slice to pop it in my mouth. “Here,” he says. “You need that. What am I waiting for?”

“I don’t know,” I say, chewing. “Just… don’t fall asleep or go on a firefighter mission or anything.”

He chuckles, which makes his chest lift. “A mission, huh,” he says, then feeds me another apple. “I won’t.” 

“Good,” I say. 

“Want me to pack you some of these?” he asks.

My stomach jumps at his words - something so benign. But he wants to pack me a snack. He’s worried about me getting hungry. He cares about me. “Yeah,” I say, grinning. “That sounds good."

Finally, I get out the door with just enough time to spare. I stop home and haphazardly change into my ballet outfit, twisting my hair into a tight bun at a stoplight, bobby pins in my mouth. Once I pull up to the school, I hurry in with my bag in tow and arrive just in time, as the doors open and Professor Herman leads the way in. We set our things down by the far wall and I take my pointe shoes out, lacing up before finding my place at the barre. 

We’re working on the second act of  _ Giselle _ today, and my work as the main character is never finished. I’m needed for everything, meaning that I barely get a chance to rest. Lexie is one of the supporting dancers alongside me for a good portion of it, at least, so when we get a breather she’s always there. Those chances are few and far between, though, given that Herman wants me at peak performance all the time.

“April!” she barks, after we’ve been rehearsing for hours. My feet are sore and the last time I checked, bleeding. It doesn’t matter, though. In pointe shoes, they bleed often. I’ll just have to wrap them better and soak them later. The pain is something I have to push to the back of my mind and endure - I’ve gotten good at it by now. The exhaustion doesn’t help, but I have to push through that, too. “What did I tell you about the arabesque? Your toes are awful! Awful!” I don’t say anything. It’s better not stay quiet and fix the mistake, not argue. 

I lift my back leg high and make sure my toes are pointed and graceful, nothing less. My muscles shake and my skin is coated in a fine sheen of sweat, but I flow through the motions that follow the arabesque in the best way I know how. 

“I shouldn’t have to tell you these things,” Herman says, coming up to me after I’ve finished the combination. 

“I know,” I say submissively. 

“Did you practice last night?” she asks. “Did you stretch?” 

I debate lying, but know it would only come back and bite me in the ass. So instead, I shake my head minutely and murmur, “No, ma’am.” 

“I can tell,” she says, then lightly slaps the small of my back so I’ll straighten my spine and grow taller. “Do it again.” 

By the time class is over hours later, I’m spent and on the verge of tears. I’m used to the bone-tired feeling after class, but this is different. This is being completely depleted, emotionally and physically. I have to keep telling myself that it’s worth it, though every muscle in my body screams in protest. 

“Ice bath,” Lexie says, helping me up from the floor after she sees me struggling. “She worked you fuckin’ hard today. It’ll help.” 

“Yeah,” I say, leaning on her as I slip my aching, bloody feet into my street shoes. I continue to let her support my weight as we walk outside - where the sun has set into darkness. I spent the whole day inside the studio. 

“I can help you wrap your feet next class,” she says. “I don’t think you did them tight enough. You were bleeding pretty bad.” 

“Okay,” I say, voice trembling. 

“Do you need help getting home?” she asks. “I can drive you. I don’t mind.” 

“I…” I’m about to take her up on it when I see my sister standing near a bench, wringing her hands and looking around. Looking for me, presumably. “Wait. Hold on. That’s my sister.” 

On cue, Ariel looks over and meets my eyes. Hers light up with recognition as she starts walking my way, and I instantly groan. Lexie notices. “You guys fighting?” she asks. 

“Yeah,” I say. “I don’t know what she’s doing here.” 

“Bunny, there you are,” Ariel says. “I need to talk to you.” 

I look to Lexie, knowing there’s not a way out of this that wouldn’t involve breaking Ariel’s heart. I don’t want to do that, so the only option left is to stay and talk. She obviously knew I’d be here and made the effort to find me. Maybe she deserves to be listened to. And I can’t say no to her face - her eyes are huge and sad, desperate for me to hear her out. I’d be evil not to. “You go ahead,” I tell my friend. “It’s fine.” 

“Alright,” she says. “See you next class. Don’t forget to stretch!”

“I won’t,” I say, then look to my sister. “How long have you been out here?” 

“Forever,” she says. “You weren’t at your house, so I figured you’d be here. I didn’t know when class ended.” 

“Oh,” I say, crossing my arms. 

“You weren’t texting me back,” she says. “Or returning my calls. So, I just had to show up, I guess. Since you wanted to ghost me.” 

“For a reason,” I say, frowning. “I didn’t wanna talk to you.” 

“Why are you… seriously? Are you still pissed about what I said?” she spews. “It was a  _ joke _ , Bunny.” 

“What was a joke?” I retort. “The fact that you called me a slut or the fact that you looked through my phone?” 

“Oh my god,” Ariel says, rolling her eyes. “You are so fucking sensitive. I was joking! I don’t really think you’re a slut, I was just... it’s just something people say.” 

“Well, not to me,” I say. “Rel, I’m tired. I just had an eight hour rehearsal and I don’t have time for this.” 

“I came all the way here to talk to you, not get ignored,” she says, furrowing her eyebrows. “Stop ignoring me. You’ve been totally different lately and it’s not cool. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”

“I haven’t changed,” I say. “Maybe you have.” 

“I literally haven’t,” she says. “You used to come over all the time. We’d hang out. And now you’re like, obsessed with your job and this guy… whoever he is. Seriously, the night you stayed over with me, you guys were sexting. Like, for real?” 

“Oh, my god,” I say, crossing my arms and rolling my eyes again. “You only know this because you went through my phone!” 

“You’re my sister!” she says. “I wouldn’t care if you went through mine.” 

“You know what I do for work,” I say. “It’s common courtesy not to go rifling through my stuff. It’s private.” 

“Thought this guy wasn’t ‘work,’” she says, eyeing me. 

“He’s not,” I say. “And why are you so bent out of shape about it, anyway? What about me having a relationship upsets you so much? Are you jealous?” 

“No!” she exclaims. “I think you’re being fucking stupid. And I think you know you’re being stupid, too. Seriously, Bunny? Seeing a guy from the  _ cam site _ ? Like, look at it from my point of view for a second. Do you see how fucked up it is?” 

“It’s not fucked up,” I say. “You don’t know him. I do.” 

“I’m sure he’s told you absolutely everything there is to know,” she says. “Between all the dick pics.” 

“Shut up!” I spit. “You don’t know anything. Just stop talking. You are such a fucking know-it-all!” 

“I’m literally not!” she says. “I’m trying to keep you safe, and you have your head up your ass.” 

“I’m 24, Rel,” I say. “You’re not even out of high school. You don’t know anything about the real world. So, stop trying to teach me something. You sound like an idiot.” 

“Coming from you, ha, that’s funny,” she says. “Biggest idiot of all.” 

“Shut up.” I turn away and look to the parking lot, hoping to see the bus approaching. It’s not, but there’s a car parked close the entrance that wasn’t there a few minutes ago. There’s a man in the front seat - a man I recognize. It’s Buddy. 

Ariel sees my eyes catch on him, too. “Who is that?” she asks. 

“You should go,” I tell her, waving her away with one arm. I don’t need him seeing her - that makes a strange feeling appear in my gut. She’s annoying the shit out of me, but she’s my little sister and I need to protect her. That’s been my job for her whole life. And with Buddy’s eyes on her, it makes me feel exposed - like he’s seeing a part of my life that he shouldn’t.

“Who is that?” she asks again, persistently. 

“Ariel, go home,” I say, looking at her with wide eyes. “You need to leave.” 

She looks at the car, then back to me, then to the car again. Buddy’s eyes are on us, and he waves me over with one hand. “Wait,” she says slowly. “Is that the guy you’re seeing? That old man? Bunny, no… seriously?” 

“I said, you need to leave,” I growl through gritted teeth. “I’m serious. Go. Now!” 

“God,” she says, but ultimately obeys. “You are such a bitch.” 

As soon as her back is turned, shoulders hunched by her ears, I walk with purpose to Buddy’s car and get in the passenger’s seat. “What are you doing here?” I ask urgently. “You can’t be here, Buddy.” 

“I-I know,” he says. “I know I shouldn’t.” 

I look out the front windshield for my sister to find her getting in her car, watching us. We make eye contact from a good distance away and she gives me a look that I recognize - she’s judging me. Hard. I look away, though, and back towards Buddy who’s been concentrated on me the whole time. “Then what are you doing?” I ask. “And how did you know I’d be here?” 

Suddenly, it seems like everyone’s been keeping tabs on me. It’s not a good feeling. “You once mentioned that you danced,” he says, and although I can’t remember - it’s probably true. I say a lot of things; most of them I don’t mean, but the truth manages to sneak through now and again. “This is the only school of dance in the city. I needed to see you.” 

“You shouldn’t have come,” I say sternly. 

“It’s not for the reason you think,” he says. “I do - I do miss you. But I would never… I just want to help.” 

“How is this helping?” I ask. Suddenly, my bodily exhaustion is heavier than before and I feel like I’m weighted down by a load of bricks. My eyelids are a thousand pounds each and I can barely keep them open. I don’t want to deal with this right now. “How?” 

“I want to tell you what the guys have been saying,” he begins. “Some of them. Some of the guys.” 

“What do you mean?” I prompt, annoyed. “I don’t care what they talk about.” 

“Some of them have been saying some nasty things,” he says, watery eyes still cemented on me. “I don’t think they’re playing around, princess.”

“Look,” I say. “I appreciate that you’re trying to look out for me, or whatever, but you don’t need to. Okay, Buddy? I’m a big girl. I’m not your…” I break off and sigh, knowing that I’m toeing the line of offending him and I don’t want to do that. He’s one of my biggest tippers and most loyal viewers. He brings in new members with every show. “I don’t need you worrying about me, okay?”

“But you need to listen,” he insists. “You’ve been distracted lately. The ones who know you well, who watch your shows, we can tell. And some of the guys are really heated over it. They’re not taking it well. They’re saying some things-”

“Buddy,” I say, trying to cut him off.

“This one fella in particular, he really has me worried. I don’t know much about him, but-”

“Buddy,” I say, turning to the side while pressing my arms together, creating cleavage out of what little that’s there. I’m not wearing the right clothes, but I can only hope it does the trick anyway. “I know what I’m doing, okay?” I lift a hand and drag one finger down his chest, chewing on my lower lip. I watch him flinch from the contact and breathe a little heavier, and I know that I have him right where I intended. “Don’t worry about those guys, and don’t worry about me. I’m still your little girl. I’ll go live tonight, okay? You won’t have to miss me anymore.” I drag my finger up and touch his chin, then pull back and cross my arms under my breasts, subtly lifting them. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he says, hypnotized. “As long as you’re sure.” 

“I’m always sure,” I say, giggling.

“Alright, Carebear,” he says. 

“But you have to promise me something,” I tell him, voice growing serious again. 

“Anything.” 

“Never, ever come looking for me again. Ever.” 

…

I need to go home and shower first before I do anything else. Not only am I sweaty and ripe from dance, but I feel dirty after the interaction with Buddy. He might have had good intentions, but the way both halves of my life mixed in that parking lot is something I never want to experience again. I ride the bus home and toss all my things down once I get in the door, leaning on the kitchen counter after downing an entire glass of water. My mind is busy, and I can feel my phone vibrating in my purse. It never seems to stop these days. 

I pull it out and see I have a text from Ariel, which doesn’t surprise me.

**RECEIVED -** im not trying to be a bitch. Im sorry we fought. I didnt mean for that to happen. But u need to be more careful with these guys bunny please. Im being serious 

I sigh and groan inwardly. As her high school career comes to a close, my sister thinks she knows all there is to know about the real world. It’s impossible to tell an 18-year-old that they’re wrong, though. I’ve learned that time and time again - the hard way. 

**SENT -** you dont need to worry about me, rel. I know how to handle myself. Been doing it for quite a while now

**RECEIVED -** you dont get it!!!!! Dont write me off like that

**SENT -** im not writing you off. I get that youre worried about me…….. I would worry about u too. But you just dont need to. Im a big girl

**RECEIVED -** it doesnt matter how grown up you are when 1 of these guys tries to kill u.

**SENT -** seriously?

**RECEIVED -** they know where u dance!!! Whats stopping them from finding your house??

**SENT -** you just dont get it

**RECEIVED -** if you keep doing unsafe shit im gonna tell mom and dad about what u do. 

**SENT -** stop ariel. Nothing i do is unsafe. Its all under control. Stop worrying and just focus on you. My life is NONE of your business. Im done with this shit

I shake my head and slam my phone onto the counter, screen down. I close my eyes and take a few breaths with my arms straight out as I lean forward, letting my head hang. I can’t put it into linear thoughts how irritated I am with my sister. She always has to stick her nose into everything. It was just my luck that she saw the interaction with Buddy. She won’t tell Mom and Dad - that was an empty threat - but the fact that she would say that in the first place is frustrating enough. 

Standing at the counter, my phone buzzes again. I flip it over aggressively, expecting to see my sister’s contact after I blatantly told her I’d had enough, but my anger is unwarranted. It’s Jackson. 

**RECEIVED -** Hey, beautiful. How was class? Wanted to know if you’re up for a movie. Heard If Beale Street Could Talk was amazing. Let me know. 

I smile at the screen like an idiot. I can’t help it; he’s just so cute. His message is sweet. I’ve never had someone talk to me like he does, so soft and caring. I want to give him a yes - even though I’m dead tired and would fall asleep for an easy 12 hours if I laid down right now, I want to see him more than I want to rest. We’ve just stepped into the brand-new phase of a relationship where everything is novel. I want to soak it up.

I told Buddy that I would go live tonight and I’m not sure why I did. Guilt, probably. To get him off my back. I shouldn’t go back on my word, but I don’t have it in me to get in front of the camera. It wouldn’t be a good show, anyway, that’s what I have to tell myself. I need to save my screen time for when the content will actually be of quality, and that’s definitely not tonight.

**SENT -** class kicked my ass :( but im totally up for a movie. Can you pick me up? 

**RECEIVED -** Of course. Be there around 7:45. 

Although I drag through my routine to get ready to go out, once I see Jackson behind the wheel parked in my driveway, my entire being lights up. “Hey,” he says, one elbow on the center console as I get in the car. 

“Hey,” I reply with a smile, breezing in and getting buckled. When I’m situated, he’s still leaning on the console and wordlessly hinting for a kiss. So, I give him a quick one and feel my body buzz with excitement afterwards.

“You taste like chocolate,” he says. 

“I was just eating some,” I say. 

“That would explain it,” he says. “You look nice.” 

“Oh, thanks,” I say, looking down at my casual ensemble. It isn’t much, but it’s better than the state I was in earlier. 

During the movie, he sits with an arm around me and I get to lean into his side. He strokes my opposite shoulder with his thumb and presses errant kisses to the top of my head, keeping me close while the picture runs on the screen. I try and pay attention, but it’s hard given our proximity. Everything about this is so exciting. I like him so much and I’m thrilled by the fact that he feels the same about me. It’s like being in middle school all over again.

“KiKi Layne was amazing,” Jackson says as we’re leaving the theater. Our hands are locked together as we walk towards his car, and he’s musing about the movie. I’m just enjoying listening. He gets so passionate about what he’s talking about - it’s endearing. More than endearing, it’s inspiring. “Damn. I’d see that again.” 

“Me, too,” I say. “Thanks for taking me.”

“Of course,” he says, giving me a warm look. 

“Took my mind off the day,” I say. “But in a good way. Like, in a ‘made me think’ way.” 

“Good,” he says, stroking my hand. “Did you have a hard class?” 

I sigh, letting my shoulders deflate as we reach the car. “Yeah, a little,” I say, wondering what I should get into and what I should emit from the story. I don’t know how he’d react to the fact that Buddy showed up today. I don’t want him to worry like Ariel did. I don’t need another person freaking out in my place for something that doesn’t need to be freaked out over. I can handle what’s going on - because it isn’t really anything at all. “My teacher is tough. I have the solo - you know, I’m Giselle in  _ Giselle _ . So, there’s really no messing up for me.” 

“Damn,” he says, turning the key. “I don’t know if I could handle that pressure.” 

“Yeah, it’s a lot,” I say, resting my chin in my palm. 

He turns his head to look at me, hopeful. “Do you want to come over?” he asks.

“Sure,” I say happily, having remembered his suggestion from this morning - I had hoped he didn’t forget.

“Do you want to… spend the night, too?” he asks, this time a bit cautiously. 

“Yeah,” I say, smiling. “But I don’t have any of my things. Do you mind if we stop at my house first?” 

“What, you don’t like wearing my boxers and t-shirts?” he says.

“No…” I say, smirking. “I do. But I need my face wash and my toothbrush. Waking up without having brushed my teeth or washed my face... I’m not putting you through that again.” 

He chuckles. “Alright,” he says. “That can be done.” 

We pull up in my driveway and I get nervous jitters from the fact that I should definitely invite him in. It’ll take me a bit to gather what I need, and leaving him in the car would be weird. He would definitely think it was strange. So, I gather my courage and ask him, “Do you wanna come in for a sec?” 

“Oh, sure,” he says, shutting the car off. 

“It’s messy,” I say, leading the way up the front walk. “Earlier, I just threw everything down. So, don’t judge.” 

“I won’t,” he says. “Too hard.” 

“Shut up,” I say, unlocking the door. “Here it is. Make yourself at home. I’ll just be a second.” 

I watch him look around for a moment before he settles on the couch, still gauging his surroundings. I hurry to my bedroom where I unzip a backpack and throw a few things in, but hear the computer going off with multiple Cam notifications from the cam room. I try to ignore it, but know they won’t go away anytime soon - I promised a show tonight and word probably got around. If I don’t do at least something, they’re not going to leave me alone. 

I stand at the edge of my bed with my hands in my bag, staring at nothing while contemplating what to do. Ask Jackson to leave? Ignore the guys and risk losing my viewership? I have no idea how to combine these two lives. And on top of everything, I’m beyond exhausted. The movie was great, but my eyelids were drooping throughout the entire last half. I’ve had a long, strenuous day. 

But it’s my job. I have to do it. So, I walk to the living room where Jackson still sits and chew my lip, wondering how to word what I want to say. “Hey, what’s that sound?” he says. 

I answer too quickly. “My cam room,” I say. “Um… I promised a show tonight. But then you invited me to the movies and I really wanted to go and… well, the guys are probably wondering where I am.” I wring my hands and find it hard to meet his eyes, so I concentrate on the cushion beside his head. “I just need to get it over with. I understand if you don’t wanna stay. We can maybe just see each other tomorrow? It won’t take long, though. I just… just a short one, just to get some tips and shut them up.” 

Judging from his eyes, it takes him a second to process what I’m trying to say. But finally, he does. “Oh…” he says. “You wanna do a show right now?”

“I need to,” I say. “I can’t keep not… I’m sorry. I know it’s…” 

“It’s fine,” he says, shrugging. “It’s what you do. Don’t let me stop you.” 

“You don’t mind?” I ask. 

He shakes his head. “Should I just wait out here, or…?” 

“Yeah,” I say. “I won’t be long. I’m just gonna do a short one. Fake something. Get them off. I’m not gonna drag it out.” 

He snorts a little, saying, “Alright.” 

I go live, which calms everyone down. It’s what I wanted, so I’m grateful. The whole time, though, all I think about is Jackson sitting on my couch a few rooms away - and I wonder what’s going through his mind. I turned the notifications volume up so he can’t hear what I’m saying, because that would be too much. Although it’s how we met, I feel like Caroline shouldn’t know him anymore and he shouldn’t know her. I want the April side of me to have him all to herself. 

The show goes quickly, just like I’d hoped. When I shut the monitor off, I pull on my pink, silky robe that hangs on the back of the cam room door and tie it tight, then take my hair down. Once I’m settled, I walk back into the hall and through to the living room, where he’s sitting with the TV on. At least he found something to do. “Hey,” I say quietly. 

His attention pops over to me, eyes bright. “There you are,” he says. “You done?” 

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m sorry I had to do that.” 

“Don’t apologize,” he says. “Come here.” 

I walk over in bare feet, crossing the carpet until I make it to the couch. I sit next to him and he pulls me onto his lap, straddling his hips so we’re looking right into each other’s faces - much like how we were in the bath last night. It’s funny, that it was just last night. It feels like forever ago. 

“You do so much for everyone,” he says, tracing the indents of my waist. “But you get so little out of it.” 

“I get money,” I whisper, touching the tip of his nose with mine. 

He laughs softly. “True,” he says. “But I’m talking… something else.” One of his hands drifts between my thighs and cups me - I can’t help but jolt forward. I’m bare underneath the robe. “You get them off. They don’t get  _ you _ off.” He bites his lower lip. “That’s my job.” 

My shoulders cave inward as he rubs me slowly, teasingly. I rest my forehead against his and sigh softly, bringing his head close to my chest. “Is it…” I whisper. 

“Mm-hmm,” he says, moving his hand with more purpose. “And I love that I’m the only one who  _ really _ has you.” 

“You are,” I say, working my hips in tandem to the way his hand moves. 

I try and lose myself in the way he makes my body feel - and it works, for the most part. He gives me an orgasm on the couch, my body overlapping his, but even though the cameras are off - I can’t shake the feeling that I’m still being watched. 


	7. Chapter 7

“Do you want the ice wraps?” 

I wince as I sit on the living room floor and bend my knees towards my face, gingerly touching the moccasins I painstakingly put on after rehearsal. What’s inside is far from pretty, and I’m almost scared to look. “Yeah,” I answer Jackson, who’s already making his way towards the kitchen where I store ice for situations like this. 

He comes back with two bags of ice and I still haven’t mustered the courage to take my shoes off. They’re wrapped in bandages underneath, but even still, it’s a lot to take in. He looks at my pinched features and furrows his eyebrows, kneeling next to me. “This isn’t right,” he says.

“It’s just what the shoes do,” I say. 

“No, I know that,” he says. “But I mean… I don’t like seeing you in this much pain. It’s wrong. Why haven’t they invented something less cruel?” 

“It’s art,” I say, taking the moccasins off. 

He looks at the wraps on my feet for a while, letting his eyes linger on the red-stained cloth. “Oh, April,” he says. 

I cover my face with my hands and start to cry, unable to keep my tears at bay. His tone of voice cuts through my chest and roots itself there, forcing every emotion out along with the exhaustion I feel. Rehearsal was hard today. I was on my feet for nearly twelve hours straight. I stopped feeling the pain after a while, but it’s all coming back now - right here on the floor with him. 

“It’s okay,” he soothes, gently unraveling the bandage from one of my sore feet. We’ve been together for about a month now, and for the same amount of time he’s been helping with my ravaged feet after I get home from rehearsals that take everything out of me. “You’re okay.” 

I lie flat on the floor and keep my hands over my eyes, trying not to let the sobs take over my body. I don’t want to have a fit; I’m usually good at keeping my emotions in check and it’s stupid to cry over something physical. I’m not a baby. I can handle this. I’ve been dancing ballet since I could walk - the pain isn’t new. But this is worse than anything I’ve ever experienced, and it doesn’t only cost my body. It costs my mind, too, and nearly every ounce of energy I possess.

When both feet are uncovered, I flinch at the cool air that hits the raw skin. I grit my teeth as he dabs my skin with a cold, wet washcloth, then clench my fists as he puts disinfectant in the wounds and cracks. “Shit,” I whimper, pinching my eyes shut tightly. 

“I know,” he says. 

When he wraps the ice bags around my feet, I let out a long sigh. It isn’t total relief, but it’s the closest I can get and it has to be enough. “Thank you,” I say, on my back again with my feet raised on a few throw pillows. 

“At least the pillows are good for something,” he says, one hand on my shin. 

I can’t even muster a quippy comeback. Instead, I just laugh weakly and say, “Yeah.” 

“How was it today?” he asks, rubbing my leg. “Other than awful.” 

I muster another sad-sounding chuckle. “It was fine, really,” I say quietly. “We got a lot done. The middle section is clean now; Herman couldn’t find anything to nitpick.” 

“That’s good,” he says. 

“Yeah, it is,” I say. “I swear, I hear her voice in my sleep.” 

He laughs and says, “That’s terrifying.” 

“You’re telling me.” 

I stay there on the floor for a long time - until the ice melts. Then, I push up onto my elbows and take a deep breath, knowing that it’s time for a shower no matter how much I dread being on my feet again. “Do you want help?” Jackson asks once I’m standing. 

“I got it,” I say, hobbling towards the bathroom. “I think shower assistance is a little too much for my dignity.” 

“It might be sexy,” he says suggestively. 

“With these bloody stumps?” I ask lightly. “Probably not. If you think a shower seat is sexy, though… you might like what’s coming.” 

He laughs and I hear the oven beep as he preheats it, getting ready to start on dinner. I turn the shower as hot as it will go and stand under the jet for a long time, letting it soak my hair and relax my muscles as much as possible. By the time I come out, all the sweat, grime and blood is scrubbed away and I feel more like myself - better. My feet still hurt, but it’s a manageable pain. More along the lines of a dull ache rather than a stabbing sensation, one I can push to the back of my mind.  

I put on a pair of sweatpants and a camisole, and I’m working on running a comb through my wet hair as I walk through the hallway and listen to my phone go off about a million times in a row. A sense of urgency lights in my gut as I pick up the pace, but by the time I make it to the kitchen where my phone sits on the counter, Jackson is already peering at the screen. “Sorry,” I say, trying to sound casual as I grab it. 

I have nothing to hide. He obviously knows what I do for a living, but something about it still feels wrong. “You’re blowing up,” he says nonchalantly, turning back to face the stovetop where water is boiling. 

He’s made himself pretty comfortable in my house over the past month, and that’s something I like. It’s like he’s belonged here the whole time. Right now, though, the space feels more like his than mine and I’m not sure how to feel about that. “Yeah,” I say, turning around to scroll through the notifications. “Cam guys.” 

“And Ariel, too, I think,” he says. 

He’s not wrong. I see a few texts from her, even a missed call. She’s been trying her hardest the past couple days to contact me, though it’s been almost a month since the incident in the parking lot. I still haven’t told Jackson about it even though he’s asked why my sister and I aren’t talking. I’ve made up excuses every time. Plus, it’s not like I’m ignoring Ariel completely. I’ve stopped at my mom’s house periodically and I act civil to her. I’m not icing her out; I just need a break. That’s all. It’s not worth getting into because it’ll blow over eventually. “Yeah, typical,” I respond. 

“I think she called.” 

“Uh-huh,” I say, swiping the notification bubble away.

“Dinner will be a little bit if you wanna call her back,” he says, looking over his shoulder. “I don’t care.” 

“No, it’s fine,” I say, setting the phone down. This time, the screen lies flat on the counter instead of face-up. “Do you need help?” 

“Nah,” he says.

“Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it,” I say, pasting on a smile. “I know you’re the chef and all, but still.” 

He shoots me back an equally-as-forced smile. “It’s just boiling water, babe,” he says. “The chicken is already in. I’m fine. You should call your sister.” 

I roll my eyes quickly and turn away, leaning on the counter with my elbows in front of me. “I’m good,” I say. 

“Are you still not talking?” 

I let out a long sigh. “I told you, it’s not like that.” 

“Yeah,” he says, opening the oven door to peer inside. “I know. But it just seems weird. You used to be over there all the time and you guys were good friends. Now, you never bring her up. Did something happen?”

I let my weight relax further so my shoulders hunch by my ears. “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter,” I say. “Honestly. It’s just petty sister shit. I don’t wanna get into it.”

“With me or with her?”

“Either,” I say. “It’s stupid.” 

“What was it?” he asks. 

“It doesn’t matter,” I say. 

“You’ve been giving her the cold shoulder for a month. That seems like it matters.” 

I grit my teeth and wonder how to get around this. It’s obvious he won’t let me shove it off to the side, and it’s not even in a malicious or overly-nosy way. He’s genuinely curious because he cares about mine and Ariel’s relationship, and that’s what bothers me the most. How can I be mad at him for caring? How can I ask him to care less without sounding like a bitch? I’m not used to being partnered with someone, not used to sharing every aspect of my life with another person. Most of the time it’s comforting and stabilizing, but at times like this it’s irritating. I’m not necessarily keeping a secret, it’s just something that doesn’t involve him.

“She went off on me and she was out of line. We fought and I’m pretty sure she knows she was wrong. She like, threatened me and started acting like she knows her shit. That’s what we tend to fight about - when she acts like she’s grown up and I’m the kid.” I shake my head. “She knows exactly how to get to me and she always does it. I love her so much, but sometimes I hate how she acts.”

“What did she say that pissed you off?” he asks, stirring the pasta. 

I chew the inside of my cheek and stare at his muscular back, watching the muscles move minutely as his arm oscillates with the spoon in hand. When I don’t answer, he looks over his shoulder to make eye contact and I decide just to let it out. “She’s mad because… I don’t know, she’s smothering me. Being overprotective and shit. And she has no reason to be.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m getting there,” I snap, frowning a bit. “It happened a few weeks ago, after rehearsal. We fought about something else stupid, I can’t even remember. Maybe when she went through my phone like a dick and called me a slut. Yeah, I think that was it. I was already pissed about that and she came to my school because I wasn’t picking up the phone. And she was like, trying to apologize but not really apologizing, just like… getting in my business. As usual. And…” I sigh and rub my temples with both hands. “God. Okay. Well, Buddy showed up. And she flipped her shit saying she was gonna tell Mom and Dad about what I do. And like, I  _ know _ that’s an empty threat, but it’s such a shitty thing for her to say and I can’t stand it when she gets all high and mighty like that. She knows this is how I’m putting myself through school and if Mom and Dad found out… it would be fucking awful.” 

Jackson is quiet for a moment, spoon still in hand as he turns around. “Wait, who’s Buddy again?” he asks. 

“Buddy, um… UrDaddy420,” I say. “He’s a viewer.” 

“Did you know he was coming?” Jackson asks. “Why was he at school? Isn’t that against your rules, telling them locations and stuff like that?” 

“I didn’t tell him,” I say. “He found out. But it wasn’t weird. I told him not to look for me ever again and he hasn’t since. Everything has been totally normal.” 

“Why was he there, though?” he asks, his voice holding a bit of an edge now. “Did he want you to like, get him off or something? Is he really that desperate?” 

“Jackson, no. God,” I say, rolling my eyes. “It wasn’t like that. He was trying to warn me about guys on the app acting shitty. I haven’t noticed anything since, but he was trying to be nice. I still told him to fuck off, though, basically.” 

“Okay,” he says. 

“And Ariel freaked out saying that it’s unsafe and that she’s gonna tell on me. Like we’re five.” 

“Well, it is unsafe,” he says. 

I narrow my eyes. “You’re seriously gonna side with her?” 

“It’s not about sides, it’s the truth,” he says. “It’s creepy that some viewer found where you go to school. What’s next?” 

“Now you sound like her,” I say, scoffing. “This is why I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t a big deal. Seriously, it wasn’t. I told him to leave and he left. He respects me.” 

“If he respected you, he wouldn’t stalk you.” 

“He’s not stalking me,” I say. “He was warning me.” 

“What does that even mean?” he asks. “Warning you about what?” 

I shrug and huff out a loud gust of air. “He said that guys were saying nasty shit about how I’m acting different… but I didn’t let him finish. I told him to leave. I don’t know what you want, Jackson. I told him to go away, so I don’t really have the answer as to why he was there in the first place.” 

“He shouldn’t have been there at all,” he says. “That’s too close. Why didn’t you tell me?

“I don’t need you handling my shit,” I say. “Alright? You’re my boyfriend, but I have my own thing going on. I know how to take care of it.” 

“I’m not trying to act like that,” he says. “But what if something bad had happened?”

“I know him,” I say. “He’s not capable of something like that.” 

“You  _ think _ you know him,” he says. “Guaranteed you don’t. Guys like that are fucking creeps.” 

“Guys like that?” I say. “Guys on the app? Should I remind you where you and I met?” 

He shoots me a look and says, “You know what I mean.”

“I don’t wanna fight,” I say. “I don’t want this to turn into a thing. I got in the car and told him to leave and he left. He didn’t give me any problems.”

“You got in the car?” Jackson spews. “Jesus, April, do you have a death wish?” 

“Oh my god, it’s fucking Buddy!” I say. “He wouldn’t hurt me if someone had a gun to his head. He’s like, obsessed with me.” 

“That’s the issue,” he says. “Are you really this blind? I’m starting to think Ariel has a point.” 

“Great, I’ll let her know,” I say, then walk towards the couch. “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.” 

I’m stressed and tense and I need an orgasm more than anything - and I can’t believe that’s what’s on the forefront of my mind. I don’t want one from Jackson, though.

I’m only in the living room for a few minutes until he appears behind the couch. “If you want me to leave, I will,” he says. “You’re probably thinking about doing a show.”

I furrow my eyebrows and wonder what he’s trying to say. “Why do you say it like that?” I ask. 

“Like what?” 

“You make it sound so dirty,” I reply. “ _ Doing a show _ .”

“What else should I call it?” 

“I don’t know, just don’t say it like that,” I say. “You watched me, too, you know. It’s not like you can act all high and mighty.”

“I’m aware,” he says. “I wasn’t saying it like anything. I was just saying you can do a show if you want, I’ll get out of your hair.” 

“I don’t need permission,” I say. 

“I wasn’t…” He sighs and rubs his head, shaking it as he does. “Do you want me to leave or not?” 

“I don’t know,” I say, turning around with tense shoulders.

“Alright then,” he breathes. “Dinner’s done, if you’re hungry.” 

“I don’t think I’m gonna eat,” I say. “I need some space. You don’t have to go. You can eat, I don’t care. I just need to be alone for a little bit. I’ll be fine. I just… I need a minute.”

“Alright.” 

I get up and walk down the hall to my bedroom, where I dig in my closet for a cam outfit that I haven’t worn in a while. I tell myself that I’m not getting in front of the camera because he told me that I could; the idea was in my head before he brought it up. I need the extra money. I have the time. I’m wired from being irritated, so there’s no reason why I shouldn’t get something out of it. 

I put on a light pink, see-through bralette with triangular cups and a white, frilly skirt. I find a pair of knee socks with lace along the trim and tie my hair into the signature ponytails, playing up my blush and applying a thick coat of lip gloss. I paint on a few extra freckles and shimmer highlight on my cheekbones and chest, feeling confident and camera-ready for the first time in a while. 

When I cross the hall to the cam room, Jackson is nowhere in sight but I can hear the TV. I put him out of my mind for the time being, though, forcing myself to forget the fact that a small part of me knows he and my sister are right. That doesn’t matter at the moment. Those are April’s problems and I’m not her anymore. For the next hour or so, I’m Caroline. And she doesn’t have any problems to speak of. 

**Welcome to your session, xxxCaroline. Go Live now?**

The monitor opens with a welcome screen, something I’m very familiar with. I get situated on my knees with the remote beside me, primping and fluffing my hair for when the red light comes on. 

**You will go Live in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1. xxxCaroline, you are now Live!**

I watch myself flash a smile on the big screen and tug on one pigtail as the viewers come streaming in. I can’t deny that it’s a rush - one that I haven’t felt in what seems like forever. I’ve been so busy and my cam job is what’s suffered because of it. It’s not that I actively missed it, but I missed the attention and the money.

“Hi, boys,” I say, happy as familiar usernames appear on the right side of the screen. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. My daddy took away my computer as a punishment for being a bad, bad girl.” 

**Bigdick_9: jesus christ we missed you baby girl**

**Peterpiperpecker: show us ur tits we’ve been waiting long enough**

**Kenny69: get me off baby**

“Seriously? I can’t even get a ‘hello?’” I say coyly, moving to sit with my knees bent, feet flat on the floor. I keep them wide so the camera has a good shot between my legs, to the white fabric of my panties. 

**2horny4u: i can almost see that pretty pussy**

**Oldfaithful100: why dont u show it to us pretty baby?**

**Oldfaithful100 TIPPED YOU 200 COINS**

**Papabear TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**Papabear: you heard the man… cant we see that little pussy?**

“Maybe…” I say, running my hands up and down my thighs. “But I just got here. I’m starting to think that you guys only like me for my body.” I stick my lower lip out and pout, making big, puppy-dog eyes at the camera. “You’re not just using me, are you? Am I just a toy to you guys?” 

**UrDaddy420: No, baby no. never**

I paint on a glistening smile. “I knew you would say that, 420,” I say sweetly.

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: I always take care of my little girl**

**UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 550 COINS**

**UrDaddy420: take your panties off and touch yourself, sweetie**

I touch the zipper on the back of my skirt after lifting onto my knees, keeping my eyes on the lens the whole time. As I get the zipper lower and lower, more tips chime in and I feel a deep sense of satisfaction. They really are easy. This has to be the simplest job in the world. 

“What if my daddy gets home?” I ask, sitting back on the floor in just my underwear.

**Bigboi12: maybe he can join and you’ll let us watch**

“My daddy?” I ask, gasping with wide eyes for effect. “You’re so naughty, Biggie.” 

**Bigboi12: he can finally teach you that lesson you need to learn. Bend you over and fuck it into you**

**Papabear: i’d rather be the one to do that to you, baby. I’d fill you up nice and tight**

I let my knees fall outwards and rub myself over my panties, keeping steady eye contact with the screen as I do. “I know you would, Bear,” I say, leaning my neck to one side. “Mmm, it’s been so long since I’ve had an orgasm. It’s not fair.” 

**Camguy11: take off your panties and we’ll make it happen**

**Camguy11 TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

“If I take them off and my daddy sees, he’ll spank me,” I say, batting my eyelashes. “And my bottom is still sore from when I got in trouble last time. It’s so red and it stings when I sit down. He hit me so hard. I was so bad.” 

**Papabear: did you deserve it, little girl?**

“Probably,” I say, tracing my lower lip with one finger while keeping the other hand inside my panties. “What would  _ you _ do to me, Bear?” 

**2sitonmyfaceee: I’d shove my cock so deep into your pussy that you could taste it. I’d rip that asshole open and make you bleed, you fucking slut. I’d fuck you so hard until you begged me to stop but there’s no fuckign way i would stop until i came in every single one of your dirty holes**

“Whoa,” I say, letting my eyebrows come together just a bit. 

**UrDaddy420: Take a damn breather, son**

**Papabear: That’s our little girl. We take care of her, we dont hurt her**

**FarmerJon: unless she asks us to**

**Camguy11: unless she’s naughty.**

**2sitonmyfaceee TIPPED YOU 300 COINS**

**2sitonmyfaceee: Take off the fucking underwear and fuck yourself with a dagger, slut**

**UrDaddy420: Hey, fuck you. Carebear, block him from the chat.**

**Kenny69: this is probably that rich ass dude under a new user**

**2sitonmyfaceee: fuck you don’t you fucking dare block me. I know where you live bitch**

My face heats up and my heart begins to hammer. I know those are empty words; there’s no way he knows anything. But still, the fear is enough to take me out of character for a split second and force me to wonder what I’m doing. It only lasts a moment, though, before I come back as Caroline. “It’s fine, guys,” I say, my voice high. “Can’t we all get along? Who wants to see me take these off? I can put them in the mail, if you want…” 

A huge number of tips roll in as I take the underwear off and fold them into a neat square, setting them near the remote. When my bottom half is bare, I fall onto my hands and knees and arch my back so my spine dips and my ass lifts, chewing on my lower lip as I stare at the camera and watch money make its way into my account.

**UrDaddy420: You look so beautiful like that, baby**

**Kenny69: SHOW US TITS**

**Peterpiperpecker: bent over is literally the best way to have you. FUCK caroline i wanna fuck you so goddamn bad**

“Wanna see me touch myself?” I ask them, lifting onto my knees and sliding both hands down my torso. “If you want me to, I will…” 

**2sitonmyfaceee: I SAID USE THE FUCKING KNIFE. I WANNA SEE YOU BLEED, CUNT**

A frown takes over as I reach for the mouse, prepared to block him and get him out of the chat. But as I’m leaned over trying to grab it, I hear the door open and Jackson’s voice come through. “Hey, baby. I was just wondering if- oh, fuck. Shit.”

I widen my eyes and flip around, staring at him with my face on fire. “Get out,” I say, trying not to let my voice raise. He’s in view of the camera, though. Everyone watching me has undoubtedly seen him. “You have to go,” I say, and he quickly leaves. 

I turn back to the camera, trying to stay focused, but it’s not going to work now. My body is boiling with rage and humiliation - I’m half naked and I didn’t want him to see the other side of things, ever. And not only did I not want him to see the guys, I never wanted the guys to see him. I feel violated by both parties and I have no idea what to do about it. 

“Sorry about that,” I say, laughing uncomfortably. “Where were we?” 

**Papabear: who was that?**

**Kenny69: was that your daddy?**

**Camguy11: no way hes her daddy. Shes white as hell**

“He wasn’t… no, that… you guys don’t need to worry about him, okay?” I say, tucking a few loose hairs behind my ears. “I’m here now. Just me and you.”

**Peterpiperpecker: No youre not you fcking liar. Thats your boyfriend, isnt it? Fucking slut**

**2sitonmyfaceee: WHORE SLUT CUNT DIRTY ASS BITCH LYING ASS PIECE OF SHIT**

**UrDaddy420: Do you really have a boyfriend, Carebear?**

“You guys don’t have to worry!” I say, trying to save face as best I can. I have no idea what to say, though; I have no idea what will dig me out of this hole. 

**2sitonmyfaceee: LYING FUCKING BITCH CHEATING DIRTY WHORE**

“Stop,” I say. “I didn’t lie. There’s nothing wrong with…” My eyes burn with tears both from frustration and embarrassment, and I know there’s no way to bring this back around. “I have to go,” I say.

**BigBoi12: dont sign off you naughty little girl. You have to make it up to us**

**Papabear: Have you been cheating, Carebear? Have you lied to us?**

**2sitonmyfaceee: IM GONNA KILL YOU YOU FUCKING CHEAP UGLY SLUT. IM GONNA RIP YOU OPEN TIL YOU BLEED AND SEE IF YOU LIKE HOW THAT FEELS**

“I have to go,” I say, sniffling as I quickly sign off and pull my underwear back on. I take the pigtails out and pull on the robe that hangs on the back of the door to my cam room, then burst into the hallway. The door slams against the all with the amount of force I open it with, but I don’t care. “Jackson,” I say through gritted teeth.

My phone chimes over and over again, telling me that I have a handful of messages coming in from the CamGirl app. It doesn’t surprise me. I have absolutely no desire to see what they say, because I can’t imagine it’s anything positive. Probably threats. Probably nasty insults. But I can deal with them later. 

“Jackson!” I exclaim, stomping down the hall. 

“What?” he says from the couch. He rests there casually and innocently, like he hasn’t done anything wrong. It only makes me seethe more.

“You did that on purpose,” I say, and my voice wobbles without my permission. I don’t want to cry because I don’t want to let the weakness I’m feeling on the inside show on the outside. That’s the last thing I need. “You walked in on purpose.” 

“What?” he says, eyes narrowing with confusion. “What? No.” 

“Yes, you did,” I say, bunching my fists. 

“I didn’t,” he says, keeping his voice calm. “I had no idea you were live.” 

“Yes, you did,” I repeat. “Yes, you did! You told me that I should do a show. Jackson, you know that’s my cam room!”

“I didn’t think you were filming!” he says. “All I was doing was looking for you to tell you that there are leftovers if you want them. Honestly, that’s all I was doing. I wasn’t trying to… I don’t know what you think I was trying to do, but I wasn’t doing that.” 

“You don’t like the idea of me going in front of the camera, do you?” I say. “That’s why you tried to ruin it. You’re jealous.”

“April, what?” he says. “Why are you picking a fight? I told you it was an accident and I’m really sorry. I knocked, but I didn’t hear anything from inside and I guess you didn’t notice.” 

“You are not allowed in that room!” I say.

“You’ve never said that before,” he says. “And I don’t like being yelled at. It was a fucking mistake.” 

“Whatever,” I say, my whole body hot with rage. “Whatever, Jackson.” 

“I should go,” he says. “Obviously, you need some time alone.” 

“I needed time alone before you ruined my show!” I say without turning around. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” he asks. “I’m an adult and so are you. What are we doing if not communicating?”

“I don’t know,” I say, picking up my phone to scroll through it. I ignore the notifications from CamGirl, but see that I have a text message from a private number. 

“Well, that’s great,” Jackson says, standing up to put his shoes on. “Let me know when you figure out what you want. Because I-”

“Holy shit,” I say, staring at the screen. 

“I’m not trying to be a dick,” he continues. “But if we’re not in this for the same reasons, then I don’t know why we’re doing it at all. I need some time to cool off, I think you do, too. And-” 

“Wait,” I say, blinking hard. 

“What?” he says, looking over. 

I can’t take my eyes off of the picture that’s now taking up the full screen of my phone. I want to, but I can’t. It’s a photo of someone trying to be sexy, and if I didn’t know better I would think the subject is me. But I didn’t take this selfie - I don’t own the bra and underwear that the girl is wearing. And I don’t own the butterfly clip that’s situated in her hair, either. Her face is obstructed by the flash in the mirror, but I know that clip. I know that underwear set because I did my laundry at my parents’ house a few weeks ago. The person in this picture, posing in her underthings in front of a bathroom mirror, is my little sister. “What the fuck?” I say, closing my eyes and opening them like that might make the picture disappear. 

“What is it?” Jackson asks. 

“Someone sent me… no,” I say, making the picture small to go back to the message thread. “This can’t be real. Someone’s being fucking annoying and messing with me.” 

“Sent you what?”

Almost as soon as he asks, two more pictures appear in the same thread. The first one is of the same girl completely naked from the waist up, one breast covered with her hand as the other one must be holding the phone to take the picture. Still, her face is obscured. I refuse to believe it. The second one, though, is damning. Her face is in in the picture fully. She’s lying on her stomach on her bed - I see the familiar comforter - half of her face close to the lens and her bare ass in view, too. “Jesus,” I say, tears pricking the backs of my eyes for a different reason now. Fear. 

“What?” Jackson says desperately. “You’re freaking me out.” 

“Someone just sent me nudes of my sister,” I say, and I realize my hands are shaking as I’m still staring at the phone. With my eyes cemented on the photos, a gray text message comes next.

**RECEIVED: Baby sis isn’t so innocent.**

Without wasting time, I type back a reply right away. 

**SENT: who is this??????????????**

**RECEIVED: I have more.**

**RECEIVED: And all of yours, too.**

**RECEIVED: Can’t wait to fucking send them out.**

“What the fuck?!” I spew, tears streaming down my face. 

“April, what is going on?” Jackson says. “Who sent the pictures?” 

“A private number,” I say, voice waterlogged. “I can’t fucking believe this. They said they have more. And mine… they have… fuck!”

“Is someone playing a sick joke?” he asks. 

“I have no fucking clue,” I say, gathering my purse and coat. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I need to talk to my sister,” I say, sniffling and wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “I need to figure out why her dumb ass is sending pictures like this and who she sent them to.” 

“What if she got hacked?” he asks. 

“No one got hacked,” I say. “I know she sent them out. She’s been talking about trying what I do for forever, ever since I told her about it.” I shake my head vehemently. “I know she did something stupid. She never fucking listens to me.” 

With those words, I start to cry harder and can barely see to get my shoes on. As I try to shove my feet in to no avail, I collapse against the wall and slide down with my knees to my chest, eventually resting my forehead against them. “Why don’t you just call her?” Jackson suggests. 

I nod shakily and try to regain composure, but it’s not easy with those pictures staring me in the face. Ariel might be a fucking idiot, but I still won’t let someone hurt her. It’s clear either someone wants to, or there’s a person out there with a sick sense of humor. I don’t want to wait to find out which it is.

Luckily, my sister picks up on the first ring. “Bunny,” she says, sounding relieved. “I’ve been texting you like crazy. Are you finally over it now? Can we please be friends again?” 

“Ariel,” I say, trying to sound firm while holding back tears. 

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Ariel,” I say again, setting my jaw. “What the fuck are you doing messing around with cam stuff?” 


End file.
